Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Spiritual Progress

Written in answer to a question on a mailing list

You asked about progress spiritually. This is very difficult for me to see in you over the internet . The simple practices outlined under meditation and chakra cleansing caste the Divine light over our inner being and makes clear to us our faults. If we can see them and acknowledge their presence, then the will to change for the better will come to us.
What helps in this is self discipline , not over indulging in the various activities of sleeping, sex and food and working to keep to a minumum time wasters that distract us from doing gainful work .
If we begin to notice particular areas of weaknesses for eg we notice we are selfish or quick to anger or we notice a tendency to boast etc, then these are the areas we need to work on in ourselves.
We also need to notice our compassion towards others and our sense of beauty , are these well developed or under developed , these are indiicators of our stage in developement spiritually.

Being able to feel our energy centers and being clairvoyant or having clairuadience or even being able to see illnesses in people , understanding where these are coming from, none of these actually means we are spiritually mature or advanced. But it does mean that when we have these abilities we should work harder to discipline ourselves and our indulgences because we are more able to destroy ourselves when we lack the discipline. For example , rising Kundalini energy without an ability to channel it to be creative results in uncontrolled and uncontrollable sexual urges. What this means is that the spiritual development instead of bringing one closer to God and enlightenment can become instead a means to self destruct.This is particularly true when we feel proud of being able to feel energy and experience mystic visions when we meditate. Please note this does not mean anything in terms of our level of spiritual development. The acid test is our level of peacefullness and our degree of service to humanity and the universe.

Very few people actually have an ability to guide their own selves, more often than not we need a teacher to see where our weakenesses are and to give us practices that can help us overcome the weaknesses. Having said that, a person who is willing to examine their lives and and learn from it , then that is the best teacher there is.
I have often felt that I am at school in the school of life and that each lesson is tailor made for me to help me to progress to learn my lessons and move on.

Do not be surprised when lessons seem to get repeated or our stages seem to come a full circle and we find ourselves back where we started. It happens in circles yes, but view it instead as ascending spirals , getting wider and higher although the possibility of being static is always there, we have a choice really.

Having said all this, do not despair of your spiritual developement , knowing that there are so many things that get in the way and may hinder and hamper you because true sincerity and a true longing to understand that which is Real will get you there somehow for the most important ingredient in our journey is not our efforts but God's grace and the most important quality you need to get this is hope, expectation and prayer.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Types of belief or rather stages in believing

This is very sufi stuff , this is by Hazrat Inayat Khan My comments will be the ones in colored text

The first belief is the mass-belief. If someone says, ‘There is a God,’ then everyone repeats after him, 'Yes, there is a God.'
One might think that today, at this stage of civilization, people are too advanced to have mass-beliefs, but that would be a great mistake. People are the same today as they were a thousand years ago, perhaps worse if it comes to spiritual questions. Someone who is called 'the man of the day' in a nation, is for the time being supported by the whole nation.
Thousands and millions lift him up, hold him high. But for how long? Until some still more powerful person says, 'No, it is not so.' Then the whole country lets him down.

I find that this mass belief is reinforced by the media. When I was in the US a few years ago , my sufi friends were discussing about how sad they were that Israel was again under attack by the wicked Palestinian terrorists. I could only open my mouth wide in amazement that they thought that was how things were!!! that is mass belief..we believe what we see and hear but it may not be the truth.
Just before the war I was visiting Russia. In every shop one saw a picture of the Czar and Czarina, held in high esteem. It was a sacred thing for people. There was a religious ideal attached to the emperor, as he was the Head of the Church. And they used to be filled with joy when they saw the Czar and Czarina passing in the street. It was a religious upliftment for
them. But not long afterwards they themselves had processions in the streets when at each step they broke the czarist emblems. It did not take them one moment to change their belief. Why? Because it was a mass-belief.

Yep ,. it takes but a very short while to make people change their minds when it is a mass belief.

It is a very powerful belief. It changes nations. It throws them down and raises them up. It brings war. But what is it after all? A mad belief. And yet no one will admit it. If you ask an individual, he says, ‘I am not one of them.’ Yet at the same time all move together when an impulse comes for good or bad.

Scot Peck talks about this in his book The people of the Lie.Whole villages can move to kill and hate when there is a mass sense of something or the other. Everybody is swept by the energy of the emotion that engulfs everyone. Takes a lot of spiritual strength to move against this energy.

Then there is a second step towards belief and that is belief in an authority, as with people at the time of a dictatorship.They believe in a leader. They say, ‘I will not believe in the ordinary man, in my neighbor, in my colleague. I believe in that man whom I trust.’ This belief is one step higher, because it is a belief in somebody in whom one has trust. When a person says, ‘I am a Christian,’ it means a belief in Jesus Christ and his teaching. It is a belief in someone, not in an abstraction.
Yes people have to believe in something, when they do not believe in something they get sick emotionally
One might think that people do not believe in authority today, but this is not so. For instance everyone accepts a discovery made by a scientist before having made investigations about it. Investigations come afterwards. When somebody comes forward and says he has discovered something, everyone accepts it. Perhaps another scientist will produce something else
one may believe, but the one who says a thing with authority is believed by the multitude.
Oh yes yes yes! Even when the belief is not true, like believing the world is flat. Who was it who got jailed for saying the earth is round?
Then there is a third stage of belief a further stage, and this belief makes man still greater. It is the belief of reason, and it means that one does not believe in any authority, nor in what everybody else believes, but that one has reasoned it out.
That one sees reason in it. This belief is stronger still; for of the beliefs I have explained before one cannot give proof, but in this case one can stand up and say, ‘Yes, I have reasoned it out.’
This, however, also has its limitation. Since reason is the slave of the mind, reason is as changeable as the weather. Reason obeys our impressions. If we have an impulse to insult a person, or to fight with him, we can produce many reasons for it. It may be that afterwards there will be contrary reasons. But at the time, while we have this impulse, right or wrong, there is always a reason which supports it. Have the criminals put in jail committed crimes without a reason? No, they have a reason too. It does not fit in with the law perhaps, it does not satisfy society, but if we ask them, they have a reason. The reason we have today we may perhaps change next week, but nevertheless this third belief makes us stand on our own
feet, for that moment if not always. And it gives us a greater power to defend our belief
I have nothing to add to this I should think. The mind has its limitations .Muslims are taught to believe in the unseen.Iman bil ghaib, things that the mind cannot understand or reason out. A lot of the spiritual stuff falls under this category. It was a huge test of faith when the prophet told of his night journey Israq Mi'raj.Ok so I know Muslims take it for granted now like they do what is in the Quran, it is a matter of faith but supposing , just supposing you lived in the times of the Prophet Muhammad and he had just told about the night journey , how many would accept it because reason says it cannot have happened?

And then again there is a fourth belief. That belief is a belief of conviction, which stands above reason. There is a sense of conviction in man, which is not discovered for some time in life. But there comes a time when it is discovered. And that is a blessed day. Then there arises an idea, an idea which no reason can break, a feeling which is not a passing feeling but is a
conviction. However high the idea may be, one seems to be an eyewitness of that idea. One is as strong, as confident, as a person who has seen with his own eyes. One can be convinced of ideas so subtle that they cannot even be expressed in words, and one is more convinced of them than if one had seen them with one's own eyes. It is this belief which is called by the Sufis and Persian mystics Iman, which means conviction.

There is the eye of conviction that just knows...Aynul yaqin....I think this one comes only by prayers meditation and our spiritual practices or simply by God's grace.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Another view of resist not evil

Click on the title to get to the PDF book by this author.
by Florence Scovel Shinn (1871-1940)

I wrote something on this previously:

Prophet Issa Resist Not Evil

The Law of Nonresistance
"Resist not evil. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."
Nothing on earth can resist an absolutely nonresistant person.
The Chinese say that water is the most powerful element, because it is perfectly nonresis-tant. It can wear away a rock, and sweep all before it.
Jesus Christ said: "Resist not evil," for He knew in reality, there is no evil, therefore nothing to resist. Evil has come of man's "vain imagination," or a belief in two powers, good and evil.
There is an old legend, that Adam and Eve ate of "Maya the Tree of Illusion," and saw two powers instead of one power, God.
Therefore, evil is a false law man has made for himself, through psychoma or soul sleep.
Soul sleep means, that man's soul has been hypnotized by the race belief (of sin, sickness and death, etc.) which is carnal or mortal thought, and his affairs have out-pictured his illusions.
We have read in a preceding chapter, that man's soul is his subconscious mind, and whatever he feels deeply, good or bad, is out-pictured by that faithful servant. His body and affairs show forth what he has been picturing. The sick man has pictured sickness, the poor man, poverty, the rich man, wealth.
People often say, "why does a little child attract illness, when it is too young even to know what it means?"
I answer that children are sensitive and receptive to the thoughts of others about them, and often out-picture the fears of their parents.
I heard a metaphysician once say, "If you do not run your subconscious mind yourself,
someone else will run it for you."
Mothers often, unconsciously, attract illness and disaster to their children, by continually holding them in thoughts of fear, and watching for symptoms.
For example: A friend asked a woman if her little girl had had the measles. She replied promptly, "not yet!" This implied that she was expecting the illness, and, therefore, preparing the way for what she did not want for herself and child.
However, the man who is centered and established in right thinking, the man who sends
out only goodwill to his fellow man, and who is without fear, cannot be touched or influenced by the negative thoughts of others. In fact, he could then receive only good thoughts, as he himself, sends forth only good thoughts.

Monday, June 20, 2005


Jom Lepak is in Malay. It means Let's Hang out!

There is a popular TV figure here , Wardina and among the ladies here one is in charge of a home for troubled teenage girls..their parents give up on them.The name of the home is Raudhatus Sakinah.

My NGO started this in Shopping Malls , the place where the young people get together and just hang out. And that is what lepak means, to just hang around doing nothing.And there is another term: cyberlepak. This is for those who hang out at cybercafes or even at home and surf the net, chatting, looking at this site and that site, you know the things the young people do not all of it bad though and I've found out, the not so young do it too!

So we took the word lepak and gave it a new meaning. Let's Enhance Positive Attitudes & Knowledge.The 2 days Carnival has been held in major shopping malls throughout the country.

The aim is to provide a healthy alternative for teens.

We' re very concerned with the deterioration in morals in society . Call it old fashioned, call it what you will , but along with deteriorating morals we have also a deterioration in compassion and a sense of justice and all the positive traits a human can have.

More pics

A group of teens singing a nasyid.

This pic shows the audience which included some tourists..did they understand the language?

Friday, June 17, 2005

Drugs and HIV

Of course I have an interest in politics. But, I have too much else to deal with to talk about it here. The politics I support are politics of justice and truth , one that fights corruption and unfairness .

So you want to know what I feel about this needle distribution program to stem the tide of HIV amongst drug users. The Prime Minister says the needles distribution program will start in October unless someone comes up with another more feasable bright idea since the HIV problem is going towards serious .....

I think, what is needed is to educate IVDU s about the dangers of sharing needles and to persuade them to go for testing if they have been exposed and I aslo feel their spouses should be checked if their husbands are positive and yes , by all means give them condoms so that they don 't infect their wives.

Will distributing needles encourage more drug addicts? Not if there is, at the same time a huge education campaign and also a clean up of all their haunts as well as giving alternative solutions to the drug lifestyle for vulnerable groups.

Deal with the root cause , yes, have we found it yet?

Sharing about my dreams

I have no qualms about sharing things about my dreams and now I feel relieved that there is actually a hadith that says you can share the nice dreams you had with friends and do not tell about your bad dreams because you do not want them to happen and you want to seek protection from them happening..

I don't think my dreams are ever really bad though and even the bad ones have some redeeming features..the the one in which I dreamt I fell on a whole lot of shit and some of the shit was rising like a wave to engulf me and I roared at it and it fell back ...

Thursday, June 16, 2005


Click on this link here and find out about Memes!

Level 3 of Consciousness

You are reading about something that most people don’t even know exists. If you told them, they wouldn’t just not believe you—they would have no clue what you were talking about. That’s why I wrote this little essay: so that I could show it to someone when they had no idea what I was talking about and, if they were persistent and open-minded, make some progress in their thinking. And meanwhile I could get on with my other projects.

So ok I just got to know about it....which is why I am sharing it with you

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

A Little bit of Rumi

My friend Nani

This is my friend Nani snorkelling.
She even took a picture of a fish while snorkelling.

So now you know sedate Muslim ladies complete with headcover go snorkelling anyway

The Traceless Warrior

This is the name of Mushtaq's blog. I like the name and I like the concept of being so skilled at averting social problems etc that you 're not even mentioned because you' done it so subtly that it is not perceived. Like Khidr!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Some of my writings

Check out some of my writings at this url or you can click on the above link.

I 'd appreciate any comments on them. I was thinking of writing a book about healing and this indeed is what I think life is all about, healing.
I know that it is the way I choose to view life, as a healing.
Indeed the Quran says that the behavioral problems we have, insincerity, hyprocrisy etc are maridh which means disease.

Another fantastic dream

I think my dreams are a form of escape and do not really have any esoteric meaning . It expresses my desire for something and is probably not a representative of something happening in the spiritual realm . I also have been cautioned not to reveal my dreams except to my guide but I think some dreams do not mean enough to keep to myself and are too interesting not to record. If they have any significance , at least I have a record of them.

This dream I had when I went back to sleep. Off late I have been indulging in sleep! I think it is because of the severe strain I was under when my husband was very ill and I had to nurse him to the point that my whole time was taken up with being Nanny to my helpless husband. It was quite an experience and indeed I could see where my nannyship was not up to scratch.

So here is the dream. It started out with apartments. We went to one , it was kind of colorful and I found that my mum was in a unit. I had asked whose apartment it was and she said my stepfather's and he had insisted she stay there but he was away and she did not want to stay there alone. Something about a ghost I think, being in that apartment ..I notice I've been preoccupied with ghosts lately!

Anyway when going down the lift, the lift door opened to reveal a wall and I was alone in the lift for some unknown reason but when I pressed the button again the outer door opened and I was out. I kind of was a bit upset, funny the upset though, I acted upset but knew I did not feel upset.

Next scene we were visiting some land , it was kind of hilly. I think we wanted to see it for somebody who wanted to buy it. I was holding a baby. It was not my baby but we had adopted the baby and I was trying my best to be a good mum so I was holding the baby and talking to the baby, can t even remember if it was a girl or a boy,most likely a girl. Anyway , as I walked, I made leaps into the air, because walking was too tedious , and I knew I could kind of float in the air least in the dream...Some members of my family were a bit upset seeing me bouncing in the air but my son said , don t worry Mum can do that quite well. As soon as we got to the top of the hill, kind of like a plateau, I could not control my movement anymore and foiund myself being raised in the air higher and higher and the baby was quite upset but I hung on tight to the baby making sure I did not drop it and found myself making a prayer, God, what are you doing , why are you taking me so high. I remember seeing some beautiful blue patterns and then it was fuzzy and the next thing I remember was that I was lying down kind of like falling asleep
( imagine sleeping in my sleep) then I woke up to find myself in a small depression in the sandy ground of some beach, it was kind of cosy really. I still had the baby with me. Before I could walk any further, just as I was getting up from the depression, two women approached me and said, "Oh there you are!We were told you would be here and we came to pick you up."
I was wondering at this point who had told them and I asked them where I was and they said I was in a beach in Penang, and that was like 200 miles from where I was previously when I started floating in the air. I was thinking of contacting my husband to tell him I was ok and at that point I woke up..feeling rather good really...

Sitcoms can be pretty good teachers

This is a picture of one of the first sitcoms I ever watched, the Beverly Hillbillies.

Yes I know sitcoms are time wasters but wait a minute. Sometimes I find they can be pretty good at showing us our behaviour. For example today I saw Yes Dear. I have not seen this very much and do not know the names of the characters except that there are two couples living in one house and they always do things together even if they did not quite see eye to eye on many issues.
So they went for a holiday and each couple paid for a cabin..all would have been great except that even though they paid the same, one room had a jacuzzi attached and was bigger than the other!Ok let us give them names...... sigh!!, I wish I was more observant when it comes to names, so let us call the couple with the smaller room John and Mary. And the one with the bigger room Dave and Susan. John is upset because of the smaller room and Mary says to let it go and was sure Dave did not intentionally give them the smaller room. John is not so sure because he believes Dave thinks he is superior to John and would take the bigger room . John would not tak e it, since he wanted for once to feel equal , since he always felt inferior since both couples stayed at Dave's house and Dave earned more. Mary says not to spoil their holiday by this petty stuff and John still would not have it. So he confronted Dave who admitted he took the bigger room intentionally and then John asked that they flip coins for the bigger room and so John won the bigger room and they switched rooms. I do not know if it made John any happier, it might have but I think Mary was right that such bickering may have spoilt something that they may have enjoyed better.

Then there was the dinner at a posh restaurant that Dave and Susan were going to and John and Mary had decided not to go since it cost too much and they chose instead to go to a much cheaper place. Dave had been talking about the restaurant for years because his uncle had gone there and was talking about it for years, about the windowwith the wonderful view and the caviar and the cheese bar. Dave did not have his jacket but the posh place had a ruling that the diners had to wear jackets so they gave him one of theirs, and it smelled real bad ! If that was not bad enough, the free mints tasted bad and Dave spat it out,Then when he wanted his steak Medium rare, the waiter said it would spoil the taste and insisted he took it rare. Then when he called for the cheese bar, it had cheeses with fancy names and he chose one the waiter said he was not ready for and he ended up spitting it out just like he did the mint,. He had wanted a table with the view but it was reserved for those who stayed at the ajoinung motel. Then to make things worse, he ate the caviar and started coughing and his hands started turnung red and puffy , it seems he was allergic to the caviar. His wife who had an epipen handy had to give him a jab and he ended up on the floor with his pants down!

The next scene was at the restaurant where John and Mary went and Dave found that it was more to his taste , the cheese was a common one but more palatable. And he could have his burger cooked to his liking and John said to Dave, he was not really cut out for the kind of sophistication at the posh restaurant. What was more, Dave found out that the magnificient view from the window of the posh restaurant was the same as that from the cheaper one and John responded by saying that some good things in life did not cost money.

The moral of this is that sometimes we want things we do not really need and do not really enjoy and that is beyond our budget. Ever felt miserable trying to be sophiisticated or elegant?I have...I ve worn heels that hurt my legs and feet for weeks after and also worn skirts and pants that were not made to be worn in prayers . They inconvenienced me even though I still prayed in them.Now I go for comfortable shoes, skirts and pants , forget about elegance!

And about holidays..I don't know..perhaps the best holiday can be spent at home.I do know I never fully enjoy my home , it is certainly better than any hotel I could go to , so taking a few days off to enjoy my home could be the most relaxing thing to do!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Seek Union over separation

Seek union over separation

“Beliefs separate. Loving thoughts unite.”

-- Paul Ferrini

Our ego focuses on how we are different from the rest of the world. We connect with soul when we experience how we are the same.

Any time you separate yourself from other people or from situations, you know your personality is in control. At such times, shift your perspective to build connection and you will move into soul.

“As a holistic being you shatter the illusion of your separateness and reveal your connection to everything. This empowers you in a way that the ego-driven self could never contemplate.”

-- Wayne Dyer

A Wise woman's stone

A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found
a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met
another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman
opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler
saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it
to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler
left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone
was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime.
But a few days later he came back to return the stone
to the wise woman.

"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable
the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you
can give me something even more precious.

Give me what you have within you that enabled you to
give me the stone."

Toil and toil . This morning I was really busy with cases. Now I am still busy with cases. I need to stop for a bit for prayers. Some wonder where I find the time to load stuff and write . In between my patients. I ' ll write about some of my patients in the future. I want to write about the drug addict patients I have. They are an interesting group of people and I have to learn how to deal with them.
This poster here? Was trying to find some interesting picture and I thought , this picture is interesting ! You can print it into a poster. You do not like the color's not mine obviouslyPosted by Hello

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Home, a wee pool in my garden

As you can , I am trying to upload photos to my blog but cannot figure out how to put the photos in the right post. This is is a picture of the small pool in my garden. It does not look like this now, since the plants have changed but the pool is still there with some baby koiPosted by Hello
Home! Posted by Hello

Standing Ovation
Standing Ovation! That was the name of the double hibiscus that I first met in a dream! I searched the internet for a hibiscus that resembled the one I now have in my garden and found one with this name!This hibiscus was what I wrote about when I applied to undergo this course in ecopsychology.

I wrote:

It seems to me that my finding this course on the internet when I was searching for ways to deepen my understanding of human nature was a step in a series of steps that I had taken and continue to take in my life's unfoldment. Connecting with nature by observing and reflecting on what attracts one , as described in a description of the activities in the orientation course is something that I have recently found myself doing already. It seems natural to continue in a more guided fashion. I had a dream a couple of months ago of a beautful pinkish hued flower that had very many petals and I had gone searching for this flower. I instinctively knew it to be a hibiscus and I finally found one of the same colour. The flower was not opened, I only saw buds but I bought the plant and planted it in my garden by my front gate. I glanced at it each day and only saw buds and sometimes I would see the wilted flower and it seemed to me I kept missing the flower in full bloom due to my busy rushing back and forth to work and back .Then one day I saw the flower in full bloom. It was a double hibiscus , only it is not two flowers but 5 flowers with 5 stamens and each stamen was surrounded by a whirl of petals. I realised at once it was the flower of my dream. The flower gave me joy and beauty and , I also discovered in the following days a sense of balance that had eluded me before What else could deepen my experience and my realisations?I was searching for something on the net and then I found the ecopsychology website. I read in the ecopsychology website:"Nature connected learning in support of the United Nations manifesto for environmentally sound personal growth and social justice: the practical application of biophilia and ecology of mind. "

It was for me a course that was also in line with my Islamic teachings.

"Verily in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the night and day are signs for the people who are Al Bab, ie those who think!!" ( This is at the end of Surah Annissa)

Looking at nature is a form of remembering Allah , a zikrullah!

When doing assignment 7 I had to fill in the blanks after finding something I was attracted to in nature.

I love this............................because.................................................................................

And I wrote: I love this peach coloured double hibiscus with its 5 flowerets because it is beautiful and it's 5 flowerets are so balanced and equal showing it to be whole abd balanced in all aspects .

The 5 aspects o life that I see are spiritual, intellectual, emotional, physical and social which encompasses relationships! For this reason I was so much attracted to this flower with its 5 flowerets! What was more amazing for me was that last Sunday I went to Dr Harlina's house for the first time and there to greet me in her garden was this lovely double hibiscus again, only this one was the deepest red while mine was a delicate pinkish peach! I again counted the flowerets 1,2,3, 4, 5! Beautiful, so perfect, so balanced!

So now I did the next part of the exercise, part 2;

And the instructions were:


Place the phrase "I like (or love) myself because" in front of (2), the "because " clause of the sentence that you just wrote in SECTION 1.

I like (or love) myself (myself is substituted for the part 1 attraction) because (2)___________________________Now read the sentence including the new prefix: "I like (or love) myself because"____________(2) aloud. Read it to others, if possible.

And this is how it read:

I love myself because I am beautiful, the 5 aspects of my being are so balanced and equal showing me to be whole and balanced in all !

Goodness me! Now how could that be? I am balanced ? Am I really? Yet I had to read this to myself. As I read this, I reflected more and more the reason why I loved that flower and went searching for it after seeing it unfold in my dreams, even before I knew how perfectly beautiful and balanced this hibsicus is! What began to dawn on me was that what I saw in the hibsicus is a potential within myself, to develope myself and flower fully as perfctly as this hibsicus!

Next I had to do 12 interact catalysts and I will not relate the details here except to jump to the significant incidences that happened to me and that dawned on me later in the day and the next day. What amazed me was that I started on the assignment before travelling to KL for my meeting, getting a lift from my dear husband, boarding a bus, jumping on STAR, switching to PUTRA and meeting Kak Endok who then took me to Dr Harlina's only to be greeted by another perfect double hibiscus with its 5 flowerets!

So here are some of the 12 interact catalysts that may be relevent:

2) the three most important things you learned from the chapter and webstring connections are:

I learnt that we reflect what we see. We mirror that which is in nature, when we lose our webstring connections with nature it is like losing a sense organ.

4) whether or not the activity enhanced your sense of self-worth and your trustfulness of nature;

Yes it most certainly enhanced my self worth by recognising in me the balance and beauty that is in the hibisucs.

5) the part of you, if any, the activity identified or re-educated inside or outside of you;

This activity re educated the part in me that knows that what I recognise in others is what is within myself.

9) Write one or more complete, single, short, power sentence "quotes" that convey a significant contribution that this assignment makes to improving our relationships.
I feel more sensitive to others today since doing this assignment because when I see others as mirrors and reflections of my own self., knowing how like a delicate flower , I thrive on love and care and shrink with harshness, I have treated others like I would treat the delicate flower that I am.

11) Conclude by identifying what things you have put into the trustable, uncontaminated, thought and feeling room/space you built into your psyche during Part/Chapter One. The use of these eleven Interact Catalysts will enhance your learning experience and that of the others in the course as well.

I have put into the trustable uncontaminated thought and feeling room/space that I have built into my psyche a conscioussness that is beyond my small self.

I am sharing this realization with you, my beloved larger family, may our gentle and loving ways out number our moments of thoughtless harshness..
Saadi said, it is easier to be a thorn , wounding others while not feeling hurt, but be a rose anyway or in this case,
Be a hibiscus.....

My dear Peachy Pink hibsicus, I give thee a Standing Ovation!!!
Posted by Hello

wierd dreams

I got my car back all nicely repainted ! That was a fast job thank God!
I am still feeling unenthusiastic about many things, I can just about do what I need to do in terms of work, ie I can see patients and do it as well as I can. but other than writing a bit of nonsense like this, I am not in a mood to do much!

Then there is this heat in my chest, I felt so hot last night had to don the lightest of clothes and I still could not quite sleep, not until Abang came to bed and I kind of discharged my hot hands by placing them on his head. He said I slept in 5 minutes.

Then I could not wake up in the morning! Boy , it was difficult to wake up and when I finally did I remember this dream.
I was going to a mosque and it was a very old mosque, something like hundreds of years old, with the floor and walls made of stone. So I prayed in the mosque , Abang was with me. Then as I was going to another part of the mosque to pray some more, I found myself in a red car with a small boy riding at the back, I was in front in the passenger seat. Then the boy told me, Auntie there is no one at the wheel and I looked and realised that was indeed true! The car was travelling very fast and I was a wee bit worried! Amazingly the car did not hit anything eventhough it was like being on a roller coaster and the car finally came to a stop and I found myself back at the mosque and Abang was asking me if I had done the extra prayers and I told him about the strange ride. Don t know what happened to the boy, don t know who he was but I think the dream was influenced by my watching The Temple of Doom , adventures of Indiana Jones the night before!

I went back to sleep after prayers only to have another dream. This time a young man came into the room to tell me I had a spirit residing in me and at first I denied it but then I admitted to it because I realised I had been rather depressed lately as well as unenthusiastic over many things and I thought maybe this is the reaon. So he started to heal me and then somebody I knew came along , a friend from my past and he also joined in to heal me. I was actually quite happy to be healed in my dream except Abang phoned my handphone from downstairs to ask me if I had woken up yet because it was 9 am and I was supposed to go to work! oops....

Friday, June 10, 2005


Hehehe so I m writing about motor vehicle accidents but what I really mean is the small bumps and bangs we motorists get ourselves into from time to time.
I' ve been on both sides, ie I've been the victim and the perpetrator!
So today I was the victim! I parked in a parking space by the roadside and this afternoon, a lorry banged into the side of my parked car ! I was just in time to witness the accident and ran after the driver.Two motorcyclists also gave chase but actually the driver was stopping anyway because he was in town to deliver some goods to a shop near my Clinic.
I said, " You banged into my car". And he replied oh really , I did not notice, and so I took him to my car and indeed the yellow paint of his lorry was on the side of my car along with a dent in the right back door!He apologized and said he had no money to pay for the repair, and I was not about to let him off that easily. I grabbed his arm, oh dear, me , old lady me being tough ..but he was a nice fellow really so he just followed along..and we went into the was hot out in the sun even at 4.30 pm! I finally got his employer's phone number from him and soon after his employer came . I saw him look at my car with another man, and then he asked the man in the coffee shop nearby what happened and I saw the man pointing and gesticulating to relate to him what had happened. Then , he crossed the road and came in the clinic.

I saw him in my room. What a nice man! He said he was so sorry and so embarassed at the incident and then introduced his friend who was a car job man. He told me of all the shops he owned, hmm yes I can imagine he is quite loaded, he drove a Prado by the way. So it was agreed that he would have my car repaired, the car job man would come and take the car tomorrow morning have it done and sent back and the taukeh would pay for it.

Wow! all settled and I did not have to rave and rant even, not that I was going to anyway.

I could see myself observing myself even when I was trying to be intimidating towards the lorry driver to tell him he had to be held accountable for the accident.

At this time I was thinking of the times when I was the perpetrator. The last time my husband was reversing and along came this car , straight into my bumper, the man was mad over it...but my husband just said , come see me at my office, I am Director of the >>>>. He did not turn up, I wonder if he thought my husband was unwilling to pay? Well it was his fault really because he came out of nowhere straight into the tail end of my car!

Then there was the time when I brushed against the side of a parked car while getting out of the parking bay. I told the owner I would pay but he never showed up to claim the bill for repairing the damage..

And what about the time I reversed into a car and drove off because I did not know what else to do! So ok luckily my husband who was around settled that one..

And then there was that pakcik whose bumper I banged into at a junction because the sun was in my eye. I was very nice to him, took him to the clinic to get my money and paid him more than he asked for. I think I was trying to compensate for another time when I refused to pay what the fellow wanted and insisted on paying less...

We live and we learn. Even when I was acting fierce just now I was actually willing to write it off.
I learned something about manner and honor from the taukey , now that is the way to do it really, gracious and kind and pleasant..

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Home at last

Hubby is home again and will be for the next one month at least. He is still very weak from the ordeal he went through and his eyes are still seeing only night ! He slept without the Ativan thank god! Now that all the vein ports have been removed , he is much more comfortable and being at home after six weeks must have been a great relief for him.

I found myself tired ! I have been having enough sleep so why the tiredness? I guess sleeping in hospitals and then coming to work in the morning is tiring.
Visitors are also tiring, taking care of an invalid is tiring .
So I hope things will be better now that he is home .
I 've got to cook when I go home from work today because his appettite is poor and having lost 15 kilograms , he does need to regain some of his muscles back.