The last week

Dr ( H ) Zamil chairing , Suriya and A. Prof Dr Asmadi ( my future boss)

My homeopath friends and Dr Asmadi listening intently to what I was saying

I have not been blogging lately thanks to a a bug I caught . This particular virus is called the lazy bug ! I have managed to fill my mind with a load of stuff that are perhaps not worth the time of day. I used the word perhaps and this is because I am not really sure if it is not worth anything.
Everything one does , all that one focuses on and all that one thinks about will definitely have an impact on oneself . More so for me, being an empath I not only see people , I absorb their emotions and states.

I am addicted to some people and some dramas on tv . I actually know why. They give me a good feeling in my heart . I avoid those that do not give me a good feeling but I do not mind feeling sad and love lorn ! Indeed , what I found out after overdosing myself on K drama is that I allowed myself to get emotionally moved and it helped me crack open a door that I think had been almost shut for a some time. This door is the door of my emotions. I had been feeling rather flat and dull , with not much amplitude in my emotions and I know it is a state I get into from time to time when I do not travel , do not move myself from my daily routine , and do not do or attend any workshops or seminars. I told my beloved spouse I must have shut down my passion.

Which is why when my friend called to tell me a classmate was found dead, I burst into tears . Tears of grief , of shock , of regret and a hundred and one emotions . Tini , I think everybody in class either envied or admired you or both ! Myself included! You lived a full and vibrant life , and I think that you died in the prime of your life , while people around you loved and needed you. You will be sorely missed by your family and friends and patients.

Dr Haliza Shafie was my classmate.Tini is her nickname . She was also the best student in my batch . This Batu Gajah Perak girl became a paediatrician and I heard she was an ardent hiker and she died while checking out a hiking site in the jungle at Melawati .

Tini my dear friend, Allah bless you and accept your soul . Your death has made me more aware of how precious my time is for I do not know when YOU will call me back . I know when the time comes I cannot argue with YOU to say I am not ready or that I still have things to do .

What is going to count when I am gone? Is it how much money I made? How much fame I aqquired ? Or , is it about how many lives I manage to touch and enrich ? How much love I give and receive ? How much I put into this life that makes a difference to people , that builds them up , emotionally spiritually , intellectually and physically.

It brings me to realise my needs . At the last MAP meeting ( Malaysian Association of Psychotherapy) a speaker was talking about psychometry tests and when he came to the part of the test about Needs . I almost jumped. Here I write a few needs. They may not be my needs or maybe all of them are human needs to some degree .

Need to control
Need to be right
Need to please people
Need to be popular
Need to be liked
Need to be in the limelight
Need to connect to people deeply
Need to communicate

The list is endless! And what lies beyond these needs are the reasons we have these needs and I think it is worth digging our hearts to find this reason behind these needs.
For me, one of the biggest needs I have that seems to be so difficult to have is the need to connect to people deeply and to communicate. I used to be able to share my thoughts very openly and as time went by , I realise more and more how much I needed to filter out certain things from certain people and under certain circumstances and the more civilised one gets , the less one is able to bare the soul !

Before this meeting , there was this seminar that I was involved in. It was organised by the Malaysian Council of Homeopathy and I was speaking about my new baby ...still gestating . My Bachelor of Science in Homeopathic Medicine at Cyberjaya University College of Medical Sciences. I should be having a great deal of anxiety over this since not only is working in a university a new experience for me , but I am going to be among skeptics and those who would probably be pushing me to my limits . I am going to be sailing in uncharted waters and perhaps making new maps . Yet the anxiety refuses to come. Instead there is this exhilaration and anticipation . Perhaps I have been waiting all my life for this . And I am thinking what need is this fulfilling ? Perhaps I have been waiting for my mind to be stretched , for an intellectual discourse and a social interaction with people whom I have chemistry with ( they are the ones I am addicted to ..it makes me happy to interact with them ) . Perhaps I have been waiting to synergise with people I like . Perhaps I have always been the adventurer who gets resltess staying in one place, needing the stimulation of different groups of people under different circumstances .

And , if I seem to have become younger than my age , perhaps it is because I am that in this new field .

To my future bosses, please tolerate my ignorance and teach me ! Some of you are younger than me but I am younger than you in experience in this field . To my future students, here is to a warm and loving relationship full of fun and learning. To my future colleagues , let us give it our all, put our hearts and minds to what we want to do and make this happen!

Healing awareness

I have not written a title on this post !
I do not know what to call it yet because I do not know what is going to come out from these typing fingers .
I have been keeping pretty silent about my thoughts for a pretty long time and have not written much about what I have been up to .
Today was a full day. It is now nearly 10.30 pm and I just got back from my clinic .
I asked C , my clinic girl whether she noticed a difference in me. I have been asking this question of various people lately because I had been noticing a change in how I felt which would be reflected in how I acted. This is exactly what Dr Leonard Yong had said in his book Emotional Excellence in the Workplace.

How had this change been brought about?
I think it had a lot to do with how I felt about myself and how I felt in relation to people.
I see it as coming into alignment with my REAL self .

It had been a long time since I had the luxury of going for a full body massage and today , in between my clinic hours , I managed to get such a massage. My regular massage therapist asked me, " Who has been massaging you?"
I said " No one but you! Why do you ask?"
She said " Your body feels soft , with no tensions and not flabby soft either , it has tone and yet it is soft ."
Then she went on to say , " Last week I was in Kuala Lumpur and massaged a lady who was known for her spirituality and her diligence with her prayers . Her body felt the same as yours now ."
I knew she was comparing my body with what she usually found when she had not worked on my body for a long time. It would have knots of contracted tissue and would be sore in many places but not today , inspite of leading a totally hectic life for the past month!

I told her that the reason my body was not contracted and knotted and tense was because I had found alignment in the last one month . I had found what I really wanted to do , I had found my passion and my mission .

I had also found a homeopathic remedy that worked on a level of my psyche that was really deep .
I had related earlier about the pain I had felt in my heart and how it had gotten almost resolved during Maggie's workshop. That however was only part of what goes on within me .
After the heart pain got resolved, I began to notice my colon and intestines. They were in pain and in spasm and sometimes it was really bad . The only reason I did not take any painkillers was because I did not react to the pain and did not feel emotionally overwrought by the pain.
That is what awareness does , that and breathing my zikr all the time . I knew that this is the oldest illness that I had in my body. It had been there since I was 5 months old and had felt abandoned by my mum . There was something else to it than this and a few days ago while talking to my mum I understood what it was. My mum related to me the emotional turmoil she had been through while pregnant with me . While I listened to her I felt my body resonate with the emotions she was beginning to recall. I started to understand why I always tried too hard to impress and prove myself when just being who I am is more that enough most of the time and ...what did it matter anyway what kind of opinion people had of me as long as I was happy with myself ?

When I got back from KL , I instinctively knew what remedy I had to take. I took out my Clarkes, the book edition rather than the software one because I wanted to ponder over the remedy that had come unbidden to my mind. I would never have thought of this remedy except that I was able to accept at that point that I would allow myself to be guided by my instincts ,
Much of the pain I was experiencing was exactly what I read in Clarke's. As soon as I could , I took the remedy. The reaction was immediate. I could feel my body softening and relaxing and at night I could also feel where the remedy had lead my body to start to heal. My sinuses. ,my lungs, my stomach . colon and rectum all felt like they were being worked upon . The back of my throat felt raw , like I was about to catch a cold . This was in the middle of the night and when I woke up the next morning, my sinuses were clear, so too my lungs and my abdomen felt very much better.I repeated the dose more often than I usually would because it had felt as if the energy of the illness was very strong and it was consuming the remedy very fast .

And that brings me to this moment , at the end of a very long day, I still have a lot of energy and clarity of mind with a coolness and a sense of joyousness in my heart that makes me want to share this moment with someone dear ..yet I find myself in solitude in my bedroom with no one to share this moment except my blog!

I now remember that I have some work to do before I start my day tomorrow for I have an appointment tomorrow with the Vice Rector of KUIS .
And what is that about? Wouldn't you like to know!

Awareness is the key

Viral States a video clip

This is a video clip of Dr Ardavan talking about pathos, ie illness. In homeopathy chronic illnesses ( which include mental and emotional states we find ourselves stuck in ..energy patterns ) have a point of origin , the stressor or pathogen which can be a trauma, physical or emotional, a chemical, or an organism and the ones that can be transmitted genetically are the viral pathogens ,

A pathos can affect the whole family, or, the whole race or sometimes the whole nation or race....maybe we can extend the idea to groups ...

The moment the consciousness of the person is made to become aware of the pathos, which over time the consciousness overlooks and ignores, then and only then the consciousness sets in motion measures that will bring about healing from the pathos...and in homeopathy we bring about that awareness by giving the person a remedy that vibrates at the frequency of the energy state of the pathos...

AWARENESS is the key

My Light of Healing Blog

I have a report on my homeopathy seminar last weekend on my other blog


Viral States


I was the chairperson and assistant facilitator rolled into one!