Houris :The women of paradise

I am just pointing you to this website to understand about Huris

The women of paradise

And passing on this message by the author Dara Shayda the Eyeless Lion.

n Your Name I read that which I read

Hur: Women of Paradise
http://www.untiredwithloving.org/hur.htm

The Qur'anic phrases with regards to women and their attributes are
almost fully misunderstood in Arabic and mistranslated in English.
Much of what we read today in English translations of Qur'an/Hadith
or what Arabs find within themselves reading about women are by
products of sexual deviance of the Orientalists who mistranslated
much of the middle eastern books to fit their dreamy imagery of
Thousand and One Nights, that Qur'an/Hadith and much of the
Arab/Middle East world has nothing to do with.

In this humble attempt a linguistic curtain is lifted to present the
original feel of the language of the Arab when it comes to female
terms specially Quranic verses dealing with the females of Paradise.

You may read from the Grand Sheikhs: Tustari, Ibn Khatib and
Grammarian Tha'labi. You may also find a long forgotten Hadith with
regards to the superiority of the women of this world to that of the
Hur!

Liza tak nak beli kasut!

Liza dan ibu berada di hospital Selayang untuk melawat kawan Liza yang berada di wad sedang sakit! Liza telah lama beritahu ibu yang dia perlukan sepasang lagi kasut sebab kasut yang hanya sepasangnya itu terlalu kerap digunakan dan Liza sayang kasut mahal yang telah dipilihkan untuknya oleh kakaknya semasa bulan puasa yang lepas. Ibu Liza telah berjanji akan bawa Liza beli kasut selepas balik dari hospital ! Liza dan ibu telah datang ke Hospital dengan ayah Liza, tetapi perlu balik sendiri menaikki teksi dan oleh kerana yang demikian ibu Liza , Salmah telah membuat keptusan untuk membeli kasut untuk Liza di Bintang Mall bersebelahan Hospital Selayang . Jalan ke Bintang Mall adalah melalui jejambat dari Hospital Selayang.

Sebaik saja sampai di permukaan arkad jualan Bintang Mall, Liza telah berkata," Mama! Liza tak mau beil kasut sekarang ! Lain kali sajalah!" Salmah tidak faham kenapa Liza tiba-tiba saja tukar fikiran sedangkan sebelum ini Liza amat gembira berjalan dengan Salmah menuju ke Bintang Mall. Salmah cuba pujuk Liza, menunjuk pada kasut-kasut yang sesuai untuk Liza tetapi nyata, kalau kasut yang paling cantik dan sesuai ditunjuk kepada Liza, Liza tidak mahu mencuba kasut itu, pandang pun Liza tak mahu!
Semasa makan tengah hari, Salmah ajak Liza makan di kedai Sugar Bun tetapi Liza tidak ada selera nak makan, dan masih kelihatan murung. Salmah memujuk Liza anak remajanya dengan menyuapkan makanan kemulut anak bongsunya yang manja dan Liza pun memakan apa yang disuapkan. Sambil makan Salmah cuba memahami kenapa Liza telah bagaikan kilat menukar dari riang menjadi murung! Kenapa nak? Liza tak boleh layan perasaan sebegini. Bila Liza buat takder mood, Mama pun jadi tak ceria, Mama pun rasa bad mood!" Liza jangan terlalu layan bad mood macam ni." Ujar Salmah. Salmah terfikir satu sebab yang mungkin menyebabkan mood Liza berubah." Liza, tempat ni takder kelas kan?" Cepat Liza menjawab" Ye lah Mama, macam Plaza Hang Tuah! Kodi!"" OK Laa Liza, nanti Mama bawa shopping di KLCC, baru lah ada kelas! Mama lupa anak mama tak macam Mama yang suka shopping kat kedai kampung!" Tapi Liza tau tak, kasut kat kedai tadi ok juga, serupa macam dekat KLCC, cuma murah sikit sebab sewa kedainya murah! Tapi sebab Liza tak suka kedai sini, kalau kasut paling sesuai pun Liza dah tutupkan mata dan hati Liza untuk menerimanya!"

Apa yang telah mengubah persaan Liza dari ceria menjadi murung, dari mahukan sepasang kasut kepada tak mahu?Liza mempunyai sebuah tangapan dan impian tentang kasut yang dikehendakinya. Kasut yang dikehendaki berada di kedai yang ada kelas, dan oleh kerana tempatnya ada kelas maka kasutnya pun ada kelas! Ini menunjukkan Liza seorang yang ada kelas! Tanggapan Liza telah menutupkan mata Liza dari menilai mutu dan kesesuaian kasut yang ada di kedai yang kurang menepati tanggapan Liza sebagai kedai yang sesuai baginya!


Semasa saya masih kecil , saya telah meminta ayah belikan sebuah kerusi dan meja untuk saya yang comel dan sesuai untuk saya, kerusi dan meja rotan yang saya inginkan serupa dengan kerusi meja jiran saya! Saya telah bermimpikan memilikki kerusi dan meja ini berhari-hari lamanya setelah ayah berjanji akan mendapatkannya untuk saya. Pada hari jadi saya, ayah membawa saya kebilik mainan dan ditengah bilik mainan ada sebuah meja bulat, dari kayu dengan empat kerusi comel untuk saya dan kawan-kawan saya! Alangkah sedihnya ayah bila saya menjerit-jerit marah sebab saya tidak mahu meja sebegini dan mahukan meja rotan dan kerusi rotan sama seperti meja jiran. Hilang rasa riang saya, hancur hati ayah dan ibu, hari yang bahagia menjadi hari yang sedih bagi kami sekeluarga , semata mata, apa yang dibelikan bukan seperti yang saya inginkan , walaupun sebenarnya ia lebih baik dari apa yang saya inginkan!

Apa yang mengubah perasaan dan suasana keluarga saya dan apa kesamaan dengan situasi Liza dan Salmah?.Ianya adalah harapan dan ekspektasi Liza terhadap kedai kasut dan harapan dan ekspektasi saya terhadap meja yang di ingini! Harapan dan ekspektasi kita terhadap sesuatu adalah yang akan menyebabkan perasaan kita boleh berubah dengan sekelip mata dan juga harapan dan ekspektasi kita akan menyebakan kita tidak dapat meniliai sesuatu dengan nilai yang sebenar! Liza tidak dapat menilaikian mutu dan kesuaianan kasut yang berada di kedai yang tidak dia sukai, dan saya tidak dapat menilai mutu dan kecantikkan meja dan kerusi yang ayah belikan sebab ia tidak sama seperti apa yang saya sudah bayangkan!

Begitulah seterusnya dengan setiap yang berlaku pada kita, mahligai indah yang kita impikan tidak secantik rumah yang kita mampu, namun rumah inilah yang boleh bahagiakan kita jika kita dapan menghargainya! Pasangan kita tidak sekacak yang di idamkan sehingga hati budi nya tidak kita nampak! Lapuran sekolah anak kita dengan tiada satu tanda merah tidak kita sukai sebab bilangan nya kurang dari yang kita harapkan. Maka hampalah anak yang telah cuba sedaya upaya dengan segala usahanya untuk berjaya! Dab begitulah seterusnya, kita lupa untuk bersukur limpah kurnia yang Maha Esa sebab idamkan dan inginkan dan harapkan yang lain dari yang diterimana.

Alangkah bahagianya seorang Hamba Allah yang tidak mempunyai harapan tetapi mensyukuri setiap yang diterima sebagai anugerah Allah yang Maha Agung, dan sentiasa melihat dan menilai setiap sesuatu bukan dari kacamata harapan dan ekspektasi tetapi dari nilainya nya yang sebenar??

Standing Ovation

Standing Ovation! That was the name of the double hibiscus that I first met in a dream! I searched the internet for a hibiscus that resembled the one I now have in my garden and found one with this name!This hibiscus was what I wrote about when I applied to undergo this course in ecopsychology.

I wrote:

It seems to me that my finding this course on the internet when I was searching for ways to deepen my understanding of human nature was a step in a series of steps that I had taken and continue to take in my life's unfoldment. Connecting with nature by observing and reflecting on what attracts one , as described in a description of the activities in the orientation course is something that I have recently found myself doing already. It seems natural to continue in a more guided fashion. I had a dream a couple of months ago of a beautful pinkish hued flower that had very many petals and I had gone searching for this flower. I instinctively knew it to be a hibiscus and I finally found one of the same colour. The flower was not opened, I only saw buds but I bought the plant and planted it in my garden by my front gate. I glanced at it each day and only saw buds and sometimes I would see the wilted flower and it seemed to me I kept missing the flower in full bloom due to my busy rushing back and forth to work and back .Then one day I saw the flower in full bloom. It was a double hibiscus , only it is not two flowers but 5 flowers with 5 stamens and each stamen was surrounded by a whirl of petals. I realised at once it was the flower of my dream. The flower gave me joy and beauty and , I also discovered in the following days a sense of balance that had eluded me before What else could deepen my experience and my realisations?I was searching for something on the net and then I found the ecopsychology website. I read in the ecopsychology website:"Nature connected learning in support of the United Nations manifesto for environmentally sound personal growth and social justice: the practical application of biophilia and ecology of mind. "

It was for me a course that was also in line with my Islamic teachings.

"Verily in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the night and day are signs for the people who are Al Bab, ie those who think!!" ( This is at the end of Surah Annissa)

Looking at nature is a form of remembering Allah , a zikrullah!

When doing assignment 7 I had to fill in the blanks after finding something I was attracted to in nature.

I love this............................because.................................................................................

And I wrote: I love this peach coloured double hibiscus with its 5 flowerets because it is beautiful and it's 5 flowerets are so balanced and equal showing it to be whole abd balanced in all aspects .



The 5 aspects of life that I see are spiritual, intellectual, emotional, physical and social which encompasses relationships! For this reason I was so much attracted to this flower with its 5 flowerets! What was more amazing for me was that last Sunday I went to Dr Harlina's house for the first time and there to greet me in her garden was this lovely double hibiscus again, only this one was the deepest red while mine was a delicate pinkish peach! I again counted the flowerets 1,2,3, 4, 5! Beautiful, so perfect, so balanced!

So now I did the next part of the exercise, part 2;

And the instructions were:

Instructions:

Place the phrase "I like (or love) myself because" in front of (2), the "because " clause of the sentence that you just wrote in SECTION 1.

I like (or love) myself (myself is substituted for the part 1 attraction) because (2)___________________________Now read the sentence including the new prefix: "I like (or love) myself because"____________(2) aloud. Read it to others, if possible.

And this is how it read:

I love myself because I am beautiful, the 5 aspects of my being are so balanced and equal showing me to be whole and balanced in all !

Goodness me! Now how could that be? I am balanced ? Am I really? Yet I had to read this to myself. As I read this, I reflected more and more the reason why I loved that flower and went searching for it after seeing it unfold in my dreams, even before I knew how perfectly beautiful and balanced this hibsicus is! What began to dawn on me was that what I saw in the hibsicus is a potential within myself, to develope myself and flower fully as perfctly as this hibsicus!

Next I had to do 12 interact catalysts and I will not relate the details here except to jump to the significant incidences that happened to me and that dawned on me later in the day and the next day. What amazed me was that I started on the assignment before travelling to KL for my meeting, getting a lift from my dear husband, boarding a bus, jumping on STAR, switching to PUTRA and meeting Kak Endok who then took me to Dr Harlina's only to be greeted by another perfect double hibiscus with its 5 flowerets!

So here are some of the 12 interact catalysts that may be relevent:.

2) the three most important things you learned from the chapter and webstring connections are:

I learnt that we reflect what we see. We mirror that which is in nature, when we lose our webstring connections with nature it is like losing a sense organ.

4) whether or not the activity enhanced your sense of self-worth and your trustfulness of nature;

Yes it most certainly enhanced my self worth by recognising in me the balance and beauty that is in the hibisucs.

5) the part of you, if any, the activity identified or re-educated inside or outside of you;

This activity re educated the part in me that knows that what I recognise in others is what is within myself.

9) Write one or more complete, single, short, power sentence "quotes" that convey a significant contribution that this assignment makes to improving our relationships.

I feel more sensitive to others today since doing this assignment because when I see others as mirrors and reflections of my own self., knowing how like a delicate flower , I thrive on love and care and shrink with harshness, I have treated others like I would treat the delicate flower that I am.

11) Conclude by identifying what things you have put into the trustable, uncontaminated, thought and feeling room/space you built into your psyche during Part/Chapter One. The use of these eleven Interact Catalysts will enhance your learning experience and that of the others in the course as well.

I have put into the trustable uncontaminated thought and feeling room/space that I have built into my psyche a conscioussness that is beyond my small self.


I am sharing this realization with you, my beloved larger family, may our gentle and loving ways out number our moments of thoughtless harshness..
Saadi said, it is easier to be a thorn , wounding others while not feeling hurt, but be a rose anyway or in this case,
Be a hibiscus.....

My dear Peachy Pink hibsicus, I give thee a Standing Ovation!!!

Slavery

Sume has written about modern day slavery here.

Indeed I have often thought we are all slaves in one way or another. What has changed since Voltaire proclaimed man is born free but everywhere he is found in chains.
Inspired by what Sume wrote , I wrote this..needs improving but maybe DITH or some other gifted person can help me out with it.

I keep saying it I know, that making things right is the responsibiliy not of the helpless but of those who have the advantages and priveleges and therefore the means to be empowered to set things right.
I will tell you about a game we did while doing the Rights At Home training in Lebanon.
We did not know it was a game of course , we thought we were doing some reporting .
The organizers dividied us into 4 groups .
One group was treated very well, they were given chairs and tables, and served food and drink and they ended up not doing much work but demanding more and more things.
The next group was treated well but not as well as the first group and they were looking at the first group and asking why weren't they given the same treatment but since they were treated quite well they did their work , stealing a glance now and then at the well to do group. The 3 rd group was mixed , some were given chairs and others had to stand . None of those in the chairs offered their chairs to those standing and those standing started to demand better treatment but were told to do as they were told.
I was in the last and least priveleged group. We were standing, and we were not given any paper and whenever we wanted to speak our minds our *facilitators* refused to listen to us.
I was really fed up with it and was at the back , and we at the back started a clapping campaign, we started shouting , we want our rights,and soon all the least priveleged were shouting and clapping in rythm , we want our rights. Then the less priveleged groups started to join us starting from the ones standing in the less priveleged group and of course the most priveleged group just watched in disdain surprised at our demands.

Well yes, it was just a game but, there we were , mostly activiists acting like most people.
As the Malay saying goes

Gendang Gendut
tali kecapi
Kenyang perut
Suka Hati

And here is my poem on

Modern Day Slavery

My body you may imprision
And claim control over
But you cannot have my reason
My mind you cannot buy over!

Bilal, Ammar, slaves you were
Yet free
But now what have we here?
Slaves who think they are free!


The worker in the factory
Exploited underpaid
Working for someone's glory
No future ahead

Cheap labour ,
Slave labour
For capitalist's gain
for ladies' vain

People whose minds are enslaved
And made to think they are free
Whose paths in life are paved
No choices for them, really!

For long since past ,their lives were bought
No permission sought
No means to ends
No chance to mend

Unless you and me dare
To break the chains
And all who care
Make peace and justice rule again

Friend, are you tired of my serious posts?
My gloom my doom ?
Go then my friend go eat your pot roast
One day this ease may go Boom

For our ease my friend is like the ship with two floors
And the down below thirsty
A hole may soon bore
And soon there is no need to be witty...

DITH's addition:(which I have edited a bit for brevity , which I like)

Materialism,
Money and more money,
Fame and more fame,
Power and more power,
Name and positions,

That's why we have people who are:

So engrossed in the material world that they've lost all humbleness,
So hard-up for money, they're wearing dollar signs as contact lenses,
They'd forgo their comfort to seek fame but alas, fame wrecks them to death!
The yearning for power overwhelms all else, killing the innocents is like exterminating ants!
Wanting names and positions that you 'd ass-lick people of high-places
(and then back-bite them behind their backs!)

Street Kids

Yes they do not look like street kids, because they have been taken in fed, clothed educated and rehabilitated.
Hearing them sing about Mama was heart breaking. Many of us broke into tears, even the men.







This is old stuff but it apparently has not seen the light of day ( which means it had not been blogged by me)

The Children Nobody Wanted

What I remember most about her are her eyes. Large dark brown eyes in the sweetest face I could ever imagine. She was all of four years old. Father John held her in his arms as he told her story.
Some few months ago this child was found in the streets of Lebanon with her two younger siblings.In her three and something years, she had been thrown out into the streets with her two younger siblings. She cared for them for some days before being rescued and sent to this home . She had kept herself and her siblings alive by feeding them and herself with water from the drains.
She and her siblings suffered from a severe gastroenteritis but they lived , and her she was, with her large brown eyes and curly black hair tied back from her face by a pretty ribbon and her clean chubby body in a pretty dress.Who could have done this, who could have thrown out this little girl and her baby sister and brother? They investigated and this is what they found:
A desperate mother whose husband was imprisoned, who had no means to feed them and herself and in her lack of resources, and in her lack of humanity for having to live a life less than human , had deemed it necessary to throw out her children in order to survive in a land where she was herself not a citizen and had no rights....
More and more people are becoming stateless, landless,jobless..through no fault of their own except for being born in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Can you then look at a human being who is without his/her humanity and then blame them for being so, for not having a humanity because they have had very little human rights?
I know you can still blame them.
I know you can still blame them for being crooks and desperados who beat and rape and plunder and bring into this world more inhuman human beings, creatures with no rights, creatures thrown into streets, exploited and made use of, growing up to be replicas of their parents.
What do we do about this flotsam and jetsam , this scum of the humankind?
The Evangelical Society of Lebanon decided to pick them up and house them, cloth them, feed them, educate them, rehabilitate them...rehabilitate little children some of whom had become sex addicts, drug addicts, thieves and thugs, some as young as three years old.
They had a clinical psychologist to help them deal with their traumas, a lawyer who looked into their cases..in Lebanon Street children are deemed to be criminals by law...yes ,this little kids had police case files. ..Other staff included cooks and teachers and caregivers. Some were employed, some were carefully picked volunteers who loved children and could deal with them with love and patience.
It cost a lot of money, a whole lot of money which was not forthcoming from the Government and was not even chanelled to them from foreign NGOs because it was policy in Lebanon that non citizens could not receive the foreign funds meant to help them.The huge dilapidated multistory building that housed this children's home was built on the side of the hill.It was comfortable, cheerful ,clean but shabby with its paint peeling and its furniture needing repair.
How did this group manage.? Father John said, only by a miracle and a prayer did they manage all they had done.
They had room for only 100 children .
Most of the children were Muslim and some of their origins were only known by the way they looked, the dialect they spoke and their names.
We looked into the classroom of the four year old boys and girls, in their standard blue teeshirts and pants. Teacher asked if they would sing for us. They were happy to do so! Teacher took them to the hall where they sat in a small group, huddled like little kittens and then proceeded to sing a song about Mama. A song of praise to Mama..What Mama I thought? Yet the love and longing for Mama rang through their sweet children's voices, straight to my heart, piercing my heart, breaking it to pieces until I had to turn my face away, contorted in grief,a grief I must not show to these motherless children.

You want to know about their religion?
They were not converted, religion was not taught to them, what was taught was universal human ethics but those who requested to learn about their own religions were given the means to do so. They were given their prayer clothes and their access to the mosque.
Father John said, it is not meant that their freedom of religion is to be taken away from them.

Why are there kids out on the streets parentless in our society ?I saw them in Lebanon, in Cape Town and in Bombay. Here ? I am not so sure , they are not as visible.Here I am reflecting on the Lebanese kids I saw.
Street children are present in every society. In some worse that others.They are symptoms of the inhumanity of humanity where poverty becomes depravity. The Prophet SAW used to pray, Lord, protect me from the poverty that leads astray. That desperation that makes one less than human, that desperation that depraves.
War! In 1976 Lebanon was a beautiful and rich place. The Switzerland of the Middle East. Banking was Lebanon's chief industry. Up until today rich Lebanese are all over the world. If there is one thing I learned, it is that there are more Lebanese living in Brazil than there are in Lebanon.More thant 10 milliion Lebanese are in Canada, Brazil and Australia and, only 3 million are in Lebanon!
They ran away, they left Lebanon because of civil war after civil war! Why ? Simply because of a difference in religion. Then indeed, with neighbours like Syria and Israel, ready to interfer with Lebanese politics , it was a troubled area right up till 1089 or even up to 1990. You can see the scars of these wars in the city of Beirut and in the Lebanese psyche, and you can also see the Palestinian people, some still living in the refugee camps , in Shabra and Shatilla.

Poor people, people without rights nor citizenship, without rights to school, to jobs, not even rights to human dignity.They are exempt from tax, fed and given free water and electricity at the expence of Lebanese tax payers burdened by a war torn economy. Poor people, some of whom have lost their humanity and have become the scum of society, crooks , criminals, rapists and even worst!
They are hated by most Lebanese for good reason , some of the civil wars started with them!
If we want to play the blame game we can go on and on and it reminds me of the chilldhood song I used to sing, Oh Katak Oh Katak....
So you are think perhaps those who took them in have bad intentions? I do not have that thought. I think they mean well , as best as they understand it.
Why do we like to see bad intentions behind good acts? Who gives us the right? Intentions are hidden deep within our hearts.
They are not for anyone to know, sometimes intentions hide themselves even from the doer and only God knows.
When I do inquiry and examine my heart, I sometimes realise my intentions and the intentions within the intentions. Even within my own self I have to dig and dig and dig to find the intention...and it is by intention that God judges our deeds, God judges, but it is not one person judging another!
Is one person responsible for the deeds of their forefathers? Is it then in our collective psyche that we plant prejudice of one race against another? Do we look upon people and see their race, their religion and we forget who they are and what they are, fellow humans , humans that God in his Mercy has honoured..Laqad Karamna Bani Adam....we have honoured the tribe of Adam....
Ina Akramakum indallahi At Qa kum,,,,The most honorable among you in God;s sight is the most Godfearing, the one who does not judge others, who is too busy doing good deeds for God ;s sake...
Spend more time my friends following the examples of those who do good and understand that they reflect the true Muslim even if they call themselves by a a name other than Islam.
Do not seek the intentions of others but seek instead your intentions,
Look at another as God's children , to help , to protect , to honor and to befriend.
Understand what evil you see is only what is also found in your own self for this is what is taught us, that we are mirrors of each other.
Nurelhuda
Lebanon Diary July 2004

I see you die slowly

You are dying slowly
I see you die gently
Dying from wounds invisible
Wounds inevitable
Onslaught upon onslaught
Attacks on your will,on your thoughts
On your very person
One you are not allowed to be
You wonder the reason
Why cannot I be me?
Why must I be as you please?
Why must you I appease?
I am tired of asking why
It is better I die
So I see you my friend die, slowly
Without a fight.... gently....

Nurelhuda

Dedicated to my friends either dead or dying who believe their task in life is to please another and be slave to another

And the days after...

I knew things would never be the same and they were not the same! When we realise more , we tend to see things in a different light and , I saw things differently.
It was the homeopathy seminar and the coaching workshop . These opened the eye of discernment .
I often became upset because I was stuck in my chair seeing cough and cold cases but these past few days , since last Friday have been interesting. The routine of General Practice did not seem so routine at all. Indeed it can be very interesting sometimes but now there was an added ingredient that helped even the most routine of cases become interesting.
What made the difference was my degree of interest in the people who came. I looked more, I saw more , I felt more , I was present more. I explained more and enjoyed myself more.
There was the girl who complained of having an itch in her nether parts once too often. I went into a detailed discussion of the flora and fauna of the bowels and what made the candida increase in population until it spread to the 'parts'.I explained to her how to help herself not get this infection with its bothersome itch but I did it in a way to help her realise the education I was giving her was for her long term benefit. Not that I had not done it before , but this time it felt different because I was aware of the coaching I was doing , life coaching.
There was the boy who was on holiday with his parents . He came in with a asthma attack and was put on the nebulizer. After this he complained of being dizzy and I made him a glass of warm milk after asking him if he tolerated milk. A talk with his dad revealed he has phobias and also had epileptic fits! I explained how homeopathy could help in such a case, going through what homeopathy is, just like Alastair said to do when he was teaching us how to communicate with men.Talk to them in terms of electricity and wiring, that will help them understand Alastair had taught us. I itched to treat the boy , knowing well that the case would yield to treatment quite well since there was a definite cause to his phobia but I restrained myself , telling the father to make an appointment so that I could take a full case and treat him systematically. I am giving myself a pat on the back for the restraint I had. I learned this in coaching class too. Be patient , practice patience ..
Today I have a bit of a cold and a slight fever , it has been there since yesterday afternoon. I know it is a virus I caught from one of my patients. These things happen once in a while when my resistence is down like it must be after my hectic week! Luckily my down time was when I was at home yesterday evening. I woke up this morning feeling much better and only slightly shaky.
I had a patient today who was extremely upset with my locum Dr who had told her in no uncertain terms that she was Not pregnant. She is 53 years old and had recently married a man of 34 . She came back to see me and insisted on repeating the pregnancy test. Of course it was negative . Seems to me she was having a pseudo pregnancy and was convinced we doctors had a plot against her but I hope she trusted me enough to believe me. I remember cases like this from my past but this is the first time I come across a premenopausal woman having this symptom!She even said she feels a movement in her tummy!
There is one thing more: I bought a number of books from Popular bookstore during my sojourn in the capital city. Among them are Azizi Ali's Millionare chronicles. One of the essays he wrote had this important advice. When asked , what to invest in he had replied. "Invest in yourself" Indeed, that is what I do, invest in myself. Attend courses , get educated , read books ..no one can take the education from you and of course many of the seminars I attend say, nobody goes home from a seminar without learning something, even if that something is that they fall asleep at seminars!
Another very good book is thinking smart by Khaw Choon Ean which discusses the Theory of Constraints.
Note that both books are by Malaysians. Yes indeed, after looking West , looking North , looking South, I find the answers under my nose in the form of quality writers and beautiful people like Tg Dr Jahid. and the rest of the BSC people and of course you my lovely fellow bloggers!

The past one week

Coaching notes

Hazizan coaching Wendy

Micheal coaching us

Above, Bicarasufi friends below, Amanda my massage therapist

Alastair's book

Alastair

Dr Jahid

Life will never be the same again. Things will never look the same nor feel the same. This one week is like a lifetime.
I had a call on Thursday morning from a doctor friend. She asked me to contact a friend of a friend whose daughter had just taken 25 panadols and was now very ill in ICU at Selayang hospital. She had been sent from another hospital after she bled from the orifices ..a sure sign of DIVC. In fact, her organs were in falure already when they decided to transfer her and she was in coma.I was supposed to fetch Al from the airport at 12 that night but changed my plans. Shoved my clothes into my bag, and grabbed hubby and took off to Selayang Hospital. I saw H lying so still and so cold in ICU , checked my bag for the remedy I had made, that had saved the life of a very close relative who had taken close to 50 tabs only to find it missing from my bag. My maid had taken out the botol of remedy and it was now on my table at home! Sadly I told the mum I would make some more and have it sent in the morning. I got a call in the morning from another friend. No need to make the remedy. I was a bit surprised but not for long. She seemed to have stablised , the BP and pulse were steady, no bleeding when I saw her but, in the morning, she started to bleed again and then she died at 6.30. I felt so shattered, she was only 20 years old and had been fasting the whole week before . She was in the midst of exams and had been a little bit down because she felt she did not do too well. We will not know what really happened. When her mum went to see her, she was studying in another state, she was already in coma. We do not know why she took the panadols but I feel sure she did not intend to kill herself ..but she died anyway. It happens so often. I had a patient who swallowed 20 panadols after her lecturer tore up her project which she had slaved over for months, spending money she could barely afford. I had packed her off to the hospital where she slowly slid into a coma but she recovered, with a bad liver and bad gastritis and I had helped her back to health , scolding her and cajoling her, giving her a piece of my mind sometimes and sometimes just listening to her woes until she regarded me as her second Mum. She has finished her studies and is married and so I will be getting not one grandchild soon but two. One from my daughter and another from my "adopted" daughter.

Then we had gone to fetch Alastair at the airport and the next day was the seminar. It was very good. I told Al he had grown in his ablitiy to teach since I last saw him. He had written a book about the experiments he did for several remedies , we call them provings and I was impressed with the systematic way he had done it. A far cry from the earlier provings bythe earlier homeopaths, and even by Hahnemann himself. Of course we have more tools at our disposal now.I did not know how much he appreciated my friendship until he had asked me to write something for him to place on the back cover. I wrote what I felt was real:

"What has always impressed me about Alastair is his dedication and commitment to excellence. His teaching has never been less than magnetic . I have seen Alastair at work and at play. When he does something, he does it with his whole presence and that is the quality that you will find in his provings."

There it was on the back cover!

On Saturday , regretfully I had to leave the seminar for a few hours to attend a gathering of my sufi online friends from Bicarasufi.com.I was on the organising committee. Luckily the place I had booked was within walking distance from Hotel City Villa and I did have a lovely time listening to Dr Jahid and I was delighted to meet friends whom I had never met before. Dr Jahid's short speech penetrated my heart and my sadr ( chest) ..the words so clear , ringing so true. Until today I can still feel the impact on my chest. It still feels kind of full which is one reason I say I will never be the same again. We plan to have more meetings and perhaps the next thing we will organise is forums.
I spent Sunday afternoon bringing Al to Low Yatt to buy some *toys* he wanted. Being the yuppy that he is, he loves all the electronic toys ..he was almost drooling. Al left early Monday morning . Alias took him to the airport.
Monday was an off day for me. I had arranged to get a deep tissue massage with Amanda who has a lovely place in Bangsar she calls the Wellness Place. Amanda had attended the Homeopathy workshop and she came to fetch me from the LRT station , gave me a wonderful massage and sent me back. She does very good work indeed!

On Tuesday was the start of my coaching workshop with Micheal Heah. There were 14 of us there and most of them highpowered people in the business industry. To my surprise I found that I knew a lot more about coaching than I would have thought I did and I also discovered where I need to improve. It was a mind opening 3 days. I am just thinking that I have to be careful or I will find myself in coaching mode with my friends who will then run away because I ask such penetrating questions that make them uncomfortable and have to seek answers!

A whole lot of other things were happening with family and other friends at this time. It had been a real upheaval time.
Of all times a friend chose to develope acute pulmonary embolism and have a manic depressive behaviour disorder , she had to have it during the week I was away. And a frantic other friend could not reach me to go with her to the hospital...
My hubby was transferred back to Melaka because his eyes were not yet fully recovered and he needed a less demanding job for the mean time. It was traumatic for him even though it was for the greatest good.

And so on and so forth. I guess I did not convey my emotions through all of this but perhaps they come through anyway and maybe these pictures will help you get the suasana!

Postscript:
After writing this I realised there may be parts which may be misconstrued. I realise I am not as involved in people as I sound...
I am starting to notice the changes in me. I explain more about what I do since I know people would not know unless I explained to them what I do.So the coaching is helping me to understand marketing and networking.

I'm Back !!!

It has been a long week! I am finally back in my clinic and seeing patients!
More later!

Fan Clubs and other stuf

The Star today has an article on page 10, Mawi pays the price.
Fame has a price !

Fans write mail, some of it hate mail, and some of it telling the do s and the don ts that they expect from their hero/heroin! And when the hero or heroin does not do what they expect , then they will resort to threats, and cajoling and insults or pleading ..
Of course there are the people throwing themselves at the feet of the people they idolize and admire..(Ooops I just read words like idolize are to be avoided by the press because it is against Islam ..have they got a fatwa out yet?)
Now what am I getting at? Just that when you have fans and followers, you have to be aware of their influence upon what you write and how you write. I was going through a blog that has a lot of admirers and comments and I think I detect a change in writing style..Now my advice to the fellow is: don t bow to their demands man! You were doing good before..
This is the real test of being genuine but then again, according to a quantum physics law the mere act of observing changes the observed..there is more about this in Schrodinger's cat!

" And now my friends are looking strange , they shake their heads they say I've changed. Well something's lost and somethings gained in living everyday"

lyrics from the Song Both sides now..who sang it?

My grey mood and literalism

Note the grey suit I was wearing during the training in Perlis.






Segovius on his blog Anulios is in the midst of writing a book. This is to me a very exciting prospect since I feel I ought to write a book or have one written by now but have not gotten around to it , satisfying myself with blog entries. Which begs the question: Why do such talented writers like Dr Roza and Bergen have no desire to write a book while a person like me, who is so serius and no fun at all (almost) want so much to write a book , when I know it would be difficult to engage the casual reader to read a book that I write?
I just have to admit that I am a serious person. The only times I have fun are when I forget to carry the world upon my shoulders . That somehow usually happens when I am dipped into super cold water , like at the waterfall at Sagil and splashed at ! My children have even video cammed me screaming like a kid while dipped in the supercold stream at Sagil!
In the past few days however , my usual seriousness has become even worse because I seem to have taken to wearing only the blue greys in my wardrobe!
So back to this super serious topic of literalism that Segovius has brought up.
Segovius wrote that there are two types of perceiver, the literal and the metaphoric. I think there are more than two types but perhaps we can say there are two main types.
Literalism cause a rigidity in thinking. I think I would say literalists do not understand the shades of grey and see things as either black or white! Something like what George W B had said, a quote that has become pretty famous

"Either you are for us , or against us "

I find what Segovius has to say about The Theory of the Right Man interesting. This theory by a science fiction writer A E Van Gogt

Segovius wrote on his blog:

This theory was first outlined in Van Vogt’s Report on the Violent Male and envisages a type of man who can never accept that they are wrong. They believe that something is true simply because they believe it - the fact that they believe it and they can never conceive of themselves as being wrong is proof of it’s total validity. Hence no supporting or contradicting evidence is necessary and reason flys out of the window, facts are ignored and evidence sometimes suppressed if the sufferer of this condition is in a position to do so.

So there you have it...a possible reason why 'men are always right.' Please note the quote unquote. You would be alarmed to know that it leads to a reason for violence in men..to read further on this you can visit Anulios.

Next comes the main part of what Sergovius will be writing in his book and here is another quote from his blog:

To return to the considerations of these two types in the Islamic context which is what the book is primarily about: the book essentially charts the development of Islam in the non-rigid sense and documents the emergence of the ‘Rightist’ (to coin a phrase) elements within the tradition and the effect of equivalent elements acting on it from elsewhere.

So there you have it. Lately I have been feeling so threatened by the emergence of a degree of intolerence and rigidity in thinking among our fellow Muslims that I started to feel quite insecure. I think that an outspoken person like me can likely be thrown into the jsil just for speaking my thoughts . It could become like what is happening here:
See this example of justice:

Saudi Teacher Sentenced to 750 Lashes

I got this from Mushtaq's blog entry

Meet America's greatest allies in the Middle East.

I keep wondering why governments want to control thinking and ideas and whether they realise that with the internet , they just cannot keep the frogs under the coconut shell anymore , to borrow a Malay proverb. You may be wondering what I am ranting about but take a look at the kind of books that are being banned in Malaysia:

Nine books published in Indonesia banned

It is as if we are unable to think for ourselves and need our thinking controlled and tailored to fit in with some perceived right pattern. Right according to whom? According to the never wrong men ?

Hmmm..... So this is what the grey clothes are all about ..my mild spiritual outlook is becoming political and I now rave and rant?
Now that I have gotten that off my chest , I 'll go back to posting pictures of my garden and aquarium and talking about food. I am so sorry to plant all these revolutionary ideas into your heads my dears.Let us go back to our usual mode then. What is for dinner?

What was I doing in Low Yatt Plaza?

Epson Photo Printer fitted with a continous reinking system. Goodbye dried up cartridges and clogged up print heads.

Broad band modem and wireless router..so why all the wires? It is both wirefull and wirelles!

Pycno is wondering what I was doing in Low Yatt.
I had bought a continuous reinking system for my epson 210 photo printer that was going to save me 90% of my ink bills. I thought I could fix it myself only to find I could not. All I managed to do was get my hands stained with ink of all colors. I had to go back and get it installed..it cost me an extra RM80 ringgit that I thought I could save!But now all I have to do is pour in the ink when it finishes!
And the reason we had to go prior to that was because the wireless router and wireless receiver we bought was not working and we had to change it.All the computers in the house are connected to the broadband now. Total trips 3 ...

The wonders of Travel and other thoughts

I was reflecting yesterday that 40 years ago it would not have been possible for me to be in Perlis in the morning, in Kuala Lumpur by afternoon and back home by bedtime! My nasi lemak breakfast was at a hotel, and then for lunch it was an Indonesia restaurant which seemed to be a branch of a famous Indonesian chain, Garuda and dinner was at a kedai makan IndiaMuslim .
I also had dealings with Malay shopkeepers when I bought belacan and ikan bilis at Pasar Tani in Perlis, dealt with a Chinese fellow at a computer print accessory at Low Yat Plaza and of course there were the Indonesian and Indian cooks and waiters in the restaurants! Indeed this is one of the reasons I love my country Malaysia. We are such a melting pot of races and religions and cultures. No, I am not forgetting the food!Malay food in the morning, Indonesian food at noon and Indian food at night!
During my training the subject of NLP came up . We were discussing how actions follow states of mind and by doing actions which indicate a state of mind, the state of mind can follow the action. Like when we sit with slumped shoulders and turn the corners of the mouth down, after some time we start feeling down!I then had a thought that if I wanted to lose weight I would have to follow the actions of the thin people in the room so I interviewed a thin person. It turns out that she does not think about food and when too busy skips meals! I on the other hand think about what is for my next meal and love food!I was amused to discover that I can get extremely annoyed when patients take up my lunch break!
Yesterday was a very full day in terms of content as well as emotion!
My husband starts work today after seven months on medical leave. Yesterday we sent him to his temporary living quarters near HKL, temporary because when he can see well enough to drive he can move back to our house in KL. It was like sending a child to a hostel and my daughter commented , Baba you used to send us off to study and now we are sending you off! I had nightmares last night over my husband working . This is the first time since he was ill that we are leaving him to fend for himself. His vision is still not fully recovered but he has adapted well and feels he can cope but I am like a mother hen fussing ! His opthomologist wanted to extend his medical leave but he insisted he wanted to work and refused even a letter for light duties.Perhaps I am fooling myself that my sadness is totally concern over him and has nothing to do with having to sleep alone here in my bed in Melaka . I had already known that I was going to be on my own when he got transferred to Kuala Lumpur yet again, but had been given a respite with his long medical leave and it was good to come home with him waiting for me everyday and quite a reversal to having him come back later that me because he often stays back in the office.Once he got into his work routine I knew he would be happy because he loved what he did and put himself into his work wholeheartedly. We had discussed the reasons why he became ill and had so much time away from his work and I had said to him , perhaps that was the only way for you to take a step back from what you do and reexamine it from afar. I feel sure he would be a so much better Timbalan Pengarah now because of the insights gained as a patient as well as the time he was given to step back from his work.
The other thing I had said to him was that when God takes away something He had given to us , something that we take for granted, like vision and then slowly gives it back, like what happened to him , then we appreciate it so much more and we are blessed with that experience.
I was talking from experience. I had keratoconus in my left eye which left me almost blind in my left eye from when I was 24 until I was 44 , ie for 20 years. I finally had my corneal graft and can see from both eyes after 20 years of seeing with only one eye. My vision had returned slowly over a year after the corneal graft . I hardly noticed when I started to see in full sterescopic mode again but indeed the world is beautiful and vision is a blessing. I even think after I got my vision back, I could see better with my innner eye as well as my outer eyes.
Subhanallah! I used to ask God, why did you take away vision from my eye dear Lord? And when I got it back, I knew the answer...so that I can give you greater vision in the future my beloved. Yes , indeed I am God's beloved ..so are we all......

The meaning of Worship

Kevin wrote in his Blog under the title Love or Worship

In orthodox Islam, the object of creation is the worship of God," said Najaf. "This is a relationship of subordination - a one-way relationship in which God is the master and the devotee is the slave. This relationship means that if you worship God, you will get rewarded - on the Day of Judgement, you will go to paradise - and if you do not, you go to hell.

He goes on the say how sufis do not agree with this but I think the difference is not so much a disagreement . I think sufis believe the same , that the object of the creation of the human ie insan is for worship of God as is stated in the Quran (Wa ma khalaqta jinni wal ins Illa lya'budun).

I think the difference is in the understanding.When we understand what worshipping God means we will understand the reason for our creation:
It is true that the Quran says that the reason for creation of Insan is to worship God. But worship does NOT mean formal worship as in prayer and fasting and going for Haj..These are only the vehicles to get to the connection with God and this communication then reveals to us our purpose in life and fulfilling that purpose is the worship that is meant . In the end the worship that is required of us has to effect an evolution of not only our humanity but the collective consciousness of the universe

After thoughts:
These after thoughts came as a result of a private communication I had with a beloved friend on email. She has been unhappy with her not regular at prayers husband. I have this to say about this:Many people say their prayers regularly like clockwork but the rote prayers do nothing for them to increase their connection with the Divine. Then again there are some who hardly say any prayers but are very connected. I am not saying one need not say prayers , Lord knows I say mine like a broken clock ( ie sometimes slightly late) but never missed.
I am only saying prayers are a means to an end and you need not judge a person by their prayers or lack of it since it is between that person and God. What we do need to do with people especially our nearest and dearest is to focus on their goodness and pray for their increased connection to the Divine for only in that lies salvation .

Nerd

I never quite knew why my sons do not like to be called nerds or to be associated in the least with the group of people called nerds.I now think I have got to the bottom of the mystery why my very intelligent sons underachieved in school! There seems to be a conspiracy among boys to not do too well and to not study too hard. Somehow or other, girls do not have the same problem and my daughters can get away with good results without risking being classed into the nerd category.

What has triggered this post is Doctor in the House blog entry

My Grousing Thoughts

DITH was describing how the village people never give a thought to studies preferring instead to be lepakkers ..I really have no English word for lepak , is it because it is very much a Malay thing? The closest I can think of is loitering which does not quite convey the term lepak!

When Ood commented that our sons are getting harder to raise because they seem to fall either into the nice but sotong types ( read effeminate?? nerds??) or super macho lepakkers ..note that I am paraphrasing here and those are not her exact words , I commented that it sounds pretty gloomy.

My son Aiman/Elman gets seriously alarmed with the term nerd though and indeed I would not apply it to him even though he is intelligent enough to become a nerd. I suspect the boys have an idea that a nerd is socially inept and perhaps even emotionally unintelligent . Does it really have to follow that a person who is smart is also not intelligent emotionally? Or is it because of the reputation smart children have that make them that way?

This now brings us to the more serious subject of why is it that our boys do not like to be called brainy, studious, hardworking or nerd? !It is my feeling that it is also a reason that boys lag far behind girls academically in school and some classes in some faculties in the IPT have an enrollment of 1 boy to every 4 girls or even worse!
Now how bad could a nerd be , let us have a look:
Here is the Wikipedia entry on Nerds with all the relevent interlinks:

Nerd, as a stereotypical or archetypal designation, refers to people of above-average intelligence whose interests (often in science and mathematics) are not shared by mainstream society.

I leave you to explore the definition as well as the change in meaning the word has undergone.
Interestingly girls who are called nerds view it as an accomplishment !

I only pray we will be able to develope a culture of intelligent, hard working boys who are strong enough to rise above the status quo not to be afraid of labels which do not mean anything and can sabotage their future. It is just possible that the nerds of the present are the Insanul Kamil of the future.

Geek Postscript:
It seems that the work Geek is now complimentary. Let us hope that nerd goes the same way soon!:

from wikipedia

Geek has always had negative connotations within society at large, where being described as a geek tends to be an insult. The term has recently become less condescending, or even a badge of honor, within particular fields and subcultures; this is particularly evident in the technical disciplines, where the term is now more of a compliment denoting extraordinary skill.

The Prey and the preyer

I have decided I do not like politics and anything to do with it. I also prefer to focus on my sphere of influence not on my sphere of concern. Reading about murders and killings and corruption makes me sad and sometimes I feel that things are so hopeless.
Lately I have come face to face with the worst kind of corruption possible , people preying on the weak and powerless. I do not have the strength to fight this with my might but the least I can do is to relate what I had come face to face with.

I had an inkling of this kind of preying while I was in Chowkit one day, just beside the Bomba station in front of Brisdale hotel. I had gone out to get a breather during one of my seminars. I saw 2 policemen roughing up a young man. I think he was Indonesian. I sensed something was wrong. I felt very angry then but did not do anything about it although I felt very strongly like asking the two policemen what they were doing. Perhaps the young man did not have a valid visa or something but I knew the two policemen wanted money from the hapless chap.

Last week I wanted to see one of my rehab patients. I heard from my clinic nurse that he had a problem with the law and wanted his version of it. He told me about being taken to the police station because of his cell phone. The policeman insisted it was stolen and brought a girl whose phone was missing to identify the phone my patient had with him.The girl denied it was her phone. It was his own phone. It was near Hari Raya and the policeman wanted money to make ends meet. He asked my patient for money. My patient did not have any and the policeman said," Then I will frame you and get you thrown in jail" So my patient , let us call him Amin, was forced by the policeman to give him his cell phone. I asked Amin why give in when he was not guilty of anything? Amin said he did not want any trouble, it was so near to Hari Raya and he did not want his mum to be upset . He had done enough in the past to make his mum sad he said, so he just gave in because he did not want any trouble. I know my rehab patients are talented actors and can put on a pretty convincing "poor me " show but this was for real. I gave a big sigh and shook my head. Do something about it Amin, report the fellow.

Today Arisham wanted to see me .The tall muscular good looking young man with a pony tail looked troubled. I have an open door policy for my rehab patients and told them they can come in to discuss with me whatever needed airing. Arisham needed to talk so I just listened. He told me on the third day of Raya he was held up at a road block and the policeman asked him if he had taken drugs. He had been clean for a whole year but the day before he had met some of his old friends and someone had given him a joint of cannabis. So thinking honesty was the best policy he told the policeman yes he had smoked cannabis , just a little. The man arrested him and took a urine sample. And then came the bombshell. Have you got RM2000? If you have, then I will make sure your urine is clean. He did not have the money and spent the night in the lock up. The next day he got out on a bail of RM1000.It was his own money. The fact that he had this money was because he had been clean for a year, but that was all he had. He was saving it for something. What is he to do? His case will be mentioned in two weeks and if he did not have the money he was looking at at least 4 months jail and rotan because he was a repeat offender who was still on parole from the Pusat Serenti. I asked him why did he smoke the cannabis when he had been clean for so long and he said because of friends and he looked at me as if expecting me to understand and actually I did understand. To a drug addict or a recovering drug addict his friends were part of an emotional support system that saw him through his drug clouded mind and life. Nobody accepted him except his friends and nobody understood the love affair with drugs except his friends so he owed them and was loyal to them and besides, what was cannabis compared to his heroin addiction? I could only listen but in my heart I was so sad.
Why are there such buzzards in our society? What is the blessing in money obtained from such extortion?I looked sorrowfully at Arisham and asked him, would you do this again? Of course at that point in time he was repentent and vehemently said no. I felt God the most merciful would forgive this truly repentant man even as I also knew he would forget and fall again...for drug addiction is a chronic relapsing illness...why do buzzards and vultures prey on the ill and hapless.?

I already know the answer: " Because it is their nature."


Old turkey buzzard
Old turkey buzzard
Flying flying high
Buzzards just a waiting
Buzzards just a waiting
Waiting for the people down below to die
Old buzzard knows that he can wait
For every mother's child has got a date
A date with pain..

from the theme song of Mackenna's Gold....