Wednesday, December 29, 2004

The Earth Quake and Tsunami of December 26 2004

The Earth Quake and Tsunami of December 26 2004

My Dear Friends
What can I say to you in your anguish as you feel the grief you felt when you saw the grief of those who were hit by quake and tsunami? What can I say to you who stayed and watched the tv, inspite of seeing images of grief and more grief?

Yesterday at noon I went pass KFC which is the end shop in my block of shophouses where my clinic is located. It was full of people having a family feast in the last few days of the school holidays. It was a happy crowd, oblivious of the tragedy that happened and is still unfolding a few hundres miles away. This was how they must have been I thought, happy holidaying families on the beach, oblivious of the killer waves travelling towards them at great speed, reaching them before they had time to flee, people hit by wave upon wave, dashed against rocks, sent spinning and sprawling and drowning...

When there is a disaster of this magnitude, one of the first things I do is pray. Pray for the well being of the souls who were suddenly sent to their bodiless state, in great shock with great suddenness and I pray for those left behind, who were still alive but had suffered losses..loss of family members, loss of belongings , maimed and injured I pray for their peace of mind, I pray for their fortitude , I pray for their patience and I pray for those in a position to go and help them to do so . I make sure I send money at least since I could not take off and see the victims due to my job commitments. I send out e-mail to as many lists as I can here and overseas asking for them to send funds to those in need and I take the time to count my blessings.

It is as if I then look at the comforts I have with new eyes and as I walk on this ground, in this peaceful orderly place that I am in with the people shopping laughing and going about their business in great ease, as if it is a great privilege . a great blessing which I have to be grateful for and have to prostrate myself and thank God for it again and again and again.

Why are there natural disasters of this magnitude? Why does the earth suddenly shift and rumble and send the sea raging mad washing everything it smashes against , sending carefully made dwellings and infrastructure tumbling down , totally destroyed?

Renewal I thought, a renewal! God's view is not my view . I see what my limited vision sees, God sees and knows beyond my limited vision. What is destroyed will rebuild and regenerate. Ya Muhyi, Ya Muid. Oh Life giver, Oh Regenerator ! Thy holy names comfort me!

I remember a hadith of the Prophet where distraught parents of drowned children asked the Prophet to pray that their lifeless children be brought back to life. The Prophet did pray but then he told the parents, that the children were in a more beautiful place and were very happy where they were and did not want to come back.
Many of the people who died were among the poorest of the poor. They lived from hand to mouth , with very little comforts.

Were they now in a better place, happier , more at peace, in bliss? I pray so!
As for the victims who are left behind and suffering various losses. We who are not the victims are here for them. We are God's representative on this earth and all those who are suffering are our responsibility, we who have the power to help in one way or another.

Use your power, be it the power of the word, the power of your money and worldly goods, or the power of your hands lips and tongues to give aid , to comfort, to console , to rebuild

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Prophet Issa - Resist Not Evil

That is a saying of the Prophet Issa(saw);in my opinion it would mean what you resist persists. Sort of like making war for peace.
Perhaps ultimately what is coming at you is coming from you as it

My thoughts:
Here is my understanding of what it means , besides what Hazrat Inayat Khan said.
Do you notice that pointing out and correcting people or criticising almost never results in something postive because the person reacts to what is said by persisting in doing what was said against?
Another example I can think of is when dealing with delinquent children.
Telling them what they do is wrong and then punishing them harshly
makes them more delinquent.
What seems to be a better solution is to use firm kindness,
Even in situations where punsihment is necessary , it should not come from a position of resisting evil ie getting angry over the evil deed.
It should come from a position of love.
A hadith about Ali blessings upon him is that he was about to kill a person in a war situation . The person spat at his face and he stopped the action and let the man go. The man was surprised and asked why and Ali replied, "I was about to kill you *in the way of Allah* until you spat in my face and then I got angry and I was afraid I would then kill you out of anger."
I was watching the new King Arthur , very different from the romantic musical I saw previously and another version some time ago. In this version it was made more realistic and I m not sure if it is a historically more correct version. Does not matter though , the point is that for the first time I could watch a movie with savage killing and not flinch or close my eyes.
I think it is because I finally came to realise that war and fighting is a human condition.It is I think the most difficult test of our humanity and it is a time when we really have to resist evil and if we do not,we will join that evil . The character in the film that was Arthur did this, he resisted evil while fighting in a war and earned the respect of friend and foe.( In this version Arthur was a leader of a small band of knights forced to fight for the Romans in the name of the church . The Romans finally abandoned Britain when the Saxons started to invade and Arthur with the help of local natives won against the Saxons against all odds and that was the beginning of his Kingship.)

Healers getting sick

Salam to all,

Murshid Hazrat who was a healer died young. So did Krishamurthy and another great healer, Bruno Groenig.

Bruno's case was rather strange. He was a healer who could heal very big groups of people and his presence at any location brought crowds of people .
This upset the government at that time and a law was passed to stop him from healing. He said that if he was not allowed to healing, he would die. ( the healing energy which needed to be used or it would turn in? I know of a young man who said he needed to give a massage to his friends to avoid getting bodyache and heatiness. )]
Anyway, after he was prevented from healing, he had some lung problem and when they finally did an X Ray he had a tumour and they operated and were shocked to find the extent of the tumour and that he managed to live life almost normally with such an advanced tumour.. The operation killed him

His followers who still do a healing circle claim that his healing energy is available for any who wants to tune in on it.

To know about all this is to understand that there is so much about healing that we do not understand.

One of the most difficult things for me to learn is to understand that sometimes when i feel something, it is not mine and to learn not to react to it but in learning how not to react, I also learned to treat my own experiences in a detached manner ie to step back from one;s own experience and to look at it in a impersonal way.

I think what kills healers is grief. It is one of the most difficult things to be impersonal about and indeed there is so much to grieve in the world of the material

Monday, November 29, 2004

The dilemma

Now this post is about my work , at least one aspect of my work and that is seeing patients.
I think this blog is to help me sort out my attitude towards this .

I have a clinic and it is a walk in one , except I insist that those who come in for healing and complementary therapies make an appointment!

The problem with this system is that sometimes the appointment comes at the end of a very long day and I m just too tired to give my best and the other problem is that patients still come from some far away place and want to see me during my regular walk in patient time which creates a jam in my clinic because the alternative treatment consultations take more time.

I know I need more time for other things as well and sometimes number of cases that are merely routine makes me feel pretty dull. Then in between the routine cases will be one that needs more attention and because I ve become dull, I miss paying attention!

But what do I do? Seeing patients pays my bills and gives me the money to travel and do the other things I want to do.

Also , I like to help people by helping them overcome their illnesses and their blocks and their woes and pains.

But I do not like routine and routine cases. I feel it makes me dull and it also makes me feel mediocre.
What makes me feel worse is when panel patients turn me into a dispenser by telling me what medication they want or , they turn me into a clerk by asking me for a referal to the specialist over some small ailment which I could easily treat. But some of these grouses are because of my ego , I can see that and perhaps a good way to remain humble is to allow them to do this. After all the loss is not mine but their , in that they cannot see what I have to offer.

Now that is another frustration! You cannot go about telling people your ablities and sometimes patients come in expecting you to treat them to the fullest of your ability but because of the limitations of a walk in practise, I am often limited by time constraints!

And of course there are times I feel like I am being under used because I do not use my full ablities in helping patients while I know I am not mediocre, I am forced to be mediocre.

Wait a minute, who and what is forcing me?

How can I change this?

OK these are thoughts to work with and I ll get back to this post with more reflections on these grouses that actually cause me a lot of stress everyday!

Friday, November 26, 2004

Today was special

Blogging is fun for those who like to write. I certainly do and I feel it quite a waste to let thoughts disappear in the circuits of the mind, lost somewhere in the convoluted maze of the brain.

Something interesting happened to me these last two days.

First , I got myself into some deep shit. Now you 'd wonder why I say that. I think when you step on people's toes intentionally or otherwise then somehow you kind of get yourself in trouble and for a person like me, I think I am a gentle soul, it really hurts to hurt people.

I even wrote about it in a poem :

Wounded Healer:
I feel the stirrings of a song
That wants to sing to your dance
It's sad melancholy tune
Making itself heard slowly, surely

I feel the stirrings of love
For the people behind the wounded wounding words
I want to heal the words
But know not how
To have words of truth that cut not
like a scalpel
Removing what pains with pain

Friend, see you not how
You reflect yourself and me?
See you not how your hurt becomes my hurt?
Can you see your wounds in the mirror of my heart?

Well so much for not hurting people , as I said earlier I put myself in deep shit by trying to warn people of the harm that can happen when you take on certain modes of beliefs.

Ok so I asked my teacher about it and even told him of a dream I had: Wierd dream, kind of funny even

I dreamt I kind of made a wrong turn when I was walking to some destination: actually this is quite typical of me and found myself slipping on a slippery slope at the end of which was a huge pile of cow dung: Errr anotther name for this is bullshit ! So I then fell of course and found myself waste deep in bullshit. Notice the metaphor? Then the funniest thing happened, this shit had a life of it's own , ( this is a dream remember, wierd things can happen) some of the shit that did not cover me rose up like a huge wave and tried to engulf me in more shit. But I d had enough and I waved my hand and commanded the shit to stop . The shit stopped dead in its tracks and fell back onto itself like a wave crashing back into the sea! Amazing ! I told my teacher about it and he said, well, you can get yourself out of that shit and clean yourself up . I guess I can and will!He also said, you can save yourself from the shit, look, you could stop the shit from engulfing you!

Then today I woke up with a pain in the left side of my head down to my eyes. This headache first started for me when I was about to go and get my corneal transplant and that is another story, I ll tell about it one day...about how I saw from only one eye from 20 years and now I am seeing with both..another metaphor here.... .And this headache has been coming on and off and I could not quite figure out what caused it. It seemed to be associated with a gastritis but it comes and goes and I could not quite put my finger on the problem.So anyway , I had a tough day , having to see patients through this headache but in many ways it was also a rewarding day.

I started in the morning with messages on my handphone from people I 'd messaged. There was a messege for me from the UK from a Malaysian who lived there. He wanted to talk to me about something I d asked him and he actually said he would call me from the UK. Wow that is so kind of him. I knew there were kind people in the world but I alway appreciate such kindness!

I 've had some lousy feedback in the past weeks from patients who were quite unhappy with my handling of their cases . What I notice when I get such feedback, and it has been a long time since I had any feedback like this is that it makes me more careful and caring. Not that I am not careful. Being only human , I do make mistakes and can' t have a strong focus when I have to see too many patients . Which is why I think sitting in the office waiting for patients and having a conveyof belt of patients is not the best way to see cases!

So today , I had a few of my adoring fans. Yes , the patients who love me and get well when they see me.
One in particular was really helpful in taking me out of the shit. He had been seeing me for about a year. I treated him for low self esteem and a host of other nervous problems he had that caused him to perform poorly at work. He improved so much in his job under my care that he was given a raise and lots of praise from the management. That was what he came to see me about. Apparently , the praises heaped upon him did not go down well with some of his workmates and somebody had sabotaged him over some mistake he had made and complained to the management. Luckily for him the engineer he was working under was a very reasonable man who understood his side of the story.This is one guy who is happy to see me. I also feel a healing presence when he comes in. I do not quite understand the grace and the healing that happens when we listen with a full presence in a neutral non judgemental and kind way , listening with our heart but believe me, it is very healing!.

I think that the jealousy and sabotaging is another thing I may want to take up as a topic some time, do remind me on this.

So back to my headache. I found out what was wrong!. Apparently I had been trying to cut down on caffeine and substituted choclate instead . So , after my second cup of hot chocolate today, coupled with the Mud cake I had last evening was my 29the wedding aniversary and my beloved bought me my favourite Mud Cake....the headache became really bad. Guess what cured it? A cup of coffee!!!! So much for my caffeine free resolve! My daughter thinks it is caffeine withdrawal but I think it is migraine brought on by chocolate and caffeine is a painkiller reallly!

So what was special about today.
I feel blessed. Even being in deep shit , I have so many things to be grateful for .