Goodbye

This is the container used to bath Rasid's body,

Most of the people who came went to the cemetary, accompanying Rasid on his last journey.I stayed behind waiting for Nabilah's phone call

Words cannot express the emotions and the experiences I went through this weekend.
Abang was admitted to Seremban Hospital for a slipped disk with nerve compression. He has been on traction on and off.
I was getting ready to go to Seremban to break my fast with him. The children and Ain were coming to, all except Aiman because he was not feeling very well , besides he had to pack to get ready to go to work on Monday. Just before leaving the house my brother in law called to break the new that my sister Salina's husband passed away.I think he is 54 years old. He had a stroke three and a half years ago but was otherwise quite well. He had gone to work the day before and was intending to cook with my sister as he usually did . My sister was out shopping for groceries and he had called her at noon to ask her to pick some things he needed to cook a dish . When she got home she went straight to the kitchen to cook . Her maid had run away the day before so she was all on her own , but expecting Rasid to come down to help her. At about 4 pm when he did not come down she went upstairs to check on him. She found him lying down on the bed , eyes closed and lips locked in a smile . She touched his body and to her utter consternation , it was cold to the touch. She could not believe he had passed away and so she checked for his breath, there was none. He must have died some time ago since the body was already cold, perhaps after he made the call to her.
I felt a sense of deja vous as I arrived at my sister's house in Selayang after breaking fast with Abang at hospital Seremban. I looked at her two girls looking so lost and forlorn and remembered a time long ago when I myself and my 3 siblings went through the same trauma of losing our father. Anissa , Salina's youngest daughter was the same age as my sister Suhana when we lost our father and I was younger than Nabilah , Salina's oldest daughter.

I felt the sad beauty of the simple service carried out in Muslim tradition. More than 70 men and women prayed the final solatul mayit.

Nabilah was in Japan and my sister could not reach her on Saturday. She left a message on her phone. It was only the next day , after the mosque officials had bathed and dressed Rasid in his all white burial shroud and we had all stood to pray in his honour that Nabilah returned her Mum's message. Salina wanted to follow Rasid to the cemetary and I took the phone from her to talk to Nabilah. The line was cut before I could say very much , Nabilah's battery had gone dead. I stayed back to talk to her when she called back. I think it was the most difficult phone conversation I have ever had to have. How does one comfort a girl so many many thousand miles away ? What does one say to her that would make it less hurtful and less traumatic. She wanted to come home and I promised her if that was what she wanted we would make it happen. She has booked a flight since then.
My son in law had remarked that those of his friends who did not return home when one of their parents died became emotionally very insecure and unsettled as compared to those who did.
Coming back , seeing her family and her siblings and visiting her father's grave was needed emotionally for a sense of closure, to say goodbye .

My sister said to me , so many things she would have said to Rasid had she known he was leaving, so many things she would have asked him. Little things ...We never realise the place a person occupies in our lives until we lose them . Then we know by the hole it leaves in our lives, by the empty feeling we feel inside, by the things that are left undone because only he knew how to do it in that certain way.

Goodbye Rasid.Youd died in a good month, Ramadhan, and you were keeping your fast when you died. I did not know you very well because you were a quiet person. You came to life when you talked about work, you gave advise to my son on how to answer in an interview to get a job, you loved to cook, and I remember how happy you were when we appreciated your fruit pudding. You wrote long emails to Nabilah even though you could never have a long conversations with any of your family. You showed your love by buying your family beautiful things.

Sister, you are going to be fine. Your children will also cope very well, just like Mum coped when father died. We are all here for you.God protect and guide you and your family/

Rasid, rest in peace and may Allah put you in the best of places. Al Fatihah !