Healing awareness

I have not written a title on this post !
I do not know what to call it yet because I do not know what is going to come out from these typing fingers .
I have been keeping pretty silent about my thoughts for a pretty long time and have not written much about what I have been up to .
Today was a full day. It is now nearly 10.30 pm and I just got back from my clinic .
I asked C , my clinic girl whether she noticed a difference in me. I have been asking this question of various people lately because I had been noticing a change in how I felt which would be reflected in how I acted. This is exactly what Dr Leonard Yong had said in his book Emotional Excellence in the Workplace.

How had this change been brought about?
I think it had a lot to do with how I felt about myself and how I felt in relation to people.
I see it as coming into alignment with my REAL self .

It had been a long time since I had the luxury of going for a full body massage and today , in between my clinic hours , I managed to get such a massage. My regular massage therapist asked me, " Who has been massaging you?"
I said " No one but you! Why do you ask?"
She said " Your body feels soft , with no tensions and not flabby soft either , it has tone and yet it is soft ."
Then she went on to say , " Last week I was in Kuala Lumpur and massaged a lady who was known for her spirituality and her diligence with her prayers . Her body felt the same as yours now ."
I knew she was comparing my body with what she usually found when she had not worked on my body for a long time. It would have knots of contracted tissue and would be sore in many places but not today , inspite of leading a totally hectic life for the past month!

I told her that the reason my body was not contracted and knotted and tense was because I had found alignment in the last one month . I had found what I really wanted to do , I had found my passion and my mission .

I had also found a homeopathic remedy that worked on a level of my psyche that was really deep .
I had related earlier about the pain I had felt in my heart and how it had gotten almost resolved during Maggie's workshop. That however was only part of what goes on within me .
After the heart pain got resolved, I began to notice my colon and intestines. They were in pain and in spasm and sometimes it was really bad . The only reason I did not take any painkillers was because I did not react to the pain and did not feel emotionally overwrought by the pain.
That is what awareness does , that and breathing my zikr all the time . I knew that this is the oldest illness that I had in my body. It had been there since I was 5 months old and had felt abandoned by my mum . There was something else to it than this and a few days ago while talking to my mum I understood what it was. My mum related to me the emotional turmoil she had been through while pregnant with me . While I listened to her I felt my body resonate with the emotions she was beginning to recall. I started to understand why I always tried too hard to impress and prove myself when just being who I am is more that enough most of the time and ...what did it matter anyway what kind of opinion people had of me as long as I was happy with myself ?

When I got back from KL , I instinctively knew what remedy I had to take. I took out my Clarkes, the book edition rather than the software one because I wanted to ponder over the remedy that had come unbidden to my mind. I would never have thought of this remedy except that I was able to accept at that point that I would allow myself to be guided by my instincts ,
Much of the pain I was experiencing was exactly what I read in Clarke's. As soon as I could , I took the remedy. The reaction was immediate. I could feel my body softening and relaxing and at night I could also feel where the remedy had lead my body to start to heal. My sinuses. ,my lungs, my stomach . colon and rectum all felt like they were being worked upon . The back of my throat felt raw , like I was about to catch a cold . This was in the middle of the night and when I woke up the next morning, my sinuses were clear, so too my lungs and my abdomen felt very much better.I repeated the dose more often than I usually would because it had felt as if the energy of the illness was very strong and it was consuming the remedy very fast .

And that brings me to this moment , at the end of a very long day, I still have a lot of energy and clarity of mind with a coolness and a sense of joyousness in my heart that makes me want to share this moment with someone dear ..yet I find myself in solitude in my bedroom with no one to share this moment except my blog!

I now remember that I have some work to do before I start my day tomorrow for I have an appointment tomorrow with the Vice Rector of KUIS .
And what is that about? Wouldn't you like to know!