The Muslim Fast

Revisiting an old article

by Dr Suriyakhatun Osman

I wrote this lecture years ago after reading a book on fasting written by an American, Dr Alan Cott, the book was titled Fasting, the Ultimate diet. What I wrote was in Bahasa and, it was in the form of a presentation. Now I m trying to rewrite it in English adding to it what I learned from my many years of experience fasting as well as treating fasting related problems in my clinic. This writer was talking not about the Muslim fast but the fasting that some people undertake, while not taking any solid food, they would take water, or some would take juices.

The Muslim fast on the other hand is a semi fast but also a complete fast. One goes without food and drink and, more that this, one goes without negative thoughts, if that is possible. The fasting one undertakes is to fast from all negative things, including negative thoughts. It is also a withdrawal from fulfilling some of our bodily needs that are related to our desires and urges. While these are not forbidden in themselves, they are to be abstained from while in the state of fasting. This includes all actions pertaining to the sex act. However it is only abstained from while observing the sun up to sundown fast and is permitted in the night-time while not fasting even in the fasting month of Ramadan.

It is not my intention to discuss the merits and demerits of fasting but it is my intention to address some of the benefits, problems and mechanics of fasting to help the individual who wants to undertake the fast. It is also not my intention to go into great technical details nor is it my intention to write a scholarly treatise with references since there is a time constraint to my writing. Having said that, most of what I am writing have been verified and data on it can be easily found on the internet and in books.

Beginning the Fast:

Y

The fast begins with a pre fast preparation. The pre fast preparation for the average Muslim faster is to get up before dawn to eat a meal! Of course those who are afraid of going hungry will eat a big meal if they have the appetite to eat at this hour! But, in actual fact, the bigger the meal you eat, the faster you'll get hungry. It would therefore be wise to eat a small meal that is packed with the nutrients one needs for the day. A complex carbohydrate meal with a lot of essential fatty acids and a helping of vegetable protein would be good. If you take a cup of muesli with yoghurt and honey adding some flax seeds, it would make a good pre fast meal. A liquid meal made from a complete food powder may be a good choice for those who have no time to waste preparing a meal, a light wholesome meal may be another option. Milk with dates is also a good pre fast meal, adding a whole food vitamin and mineral preparation would not be a bad idea. If you are allergic to milk, substitute the milk with soya milk. Taking refined carbohydrates like white flour and white rice is not such a good idea because these foods digest pretty fast and you get very hungry very soon, as well as your blood sugar will rise very fast and then drop very fast. A complex carbohydrate on the other hand, will digest much more slowly keeping the blood sugar steady.

Examples of complex carbohydrates are brown rice, whole meal cereals including wheat and all vegetables and fruits except for the very starchy ones which have much less fibre and a lot of carbohydrates. Fruits are very good for breaking the fast because they have a lot of easily utilised sugars but they are not likely to cause the sudden rise and then fall of the blood sugar. It is eating simple sugars (white sugar) that sometimes make people dizzy after breaking the fast, because the blood sugar shoots up suddenly releasing insulin which then works to bring down the blood sugar again super fast as well. The fibre in the meal slows down digestion, hence the blood sugar rise is gradual when we eat complex carbohydrates.

Detoxification

Y

For those who are usually constipated while not fasting, the bad news is that it is going to get worse when fasting and it is also going to negate any beneficial detox effect of the fast! For these people, I would suggest that a few days before beginning the fast, eat light foods, avoid animal proteins, drink lots of water and take a preparation that would cleanse the bowels. Depending on the type and manner of constipation, these are the suggestions : Take a fibre preparation before bedtime with a large glass of water, ones that can be bought at a pharmacy are psyllium seed preparations or asperghula husk. You can make your own preparation using local ingredients (getah anggur, kembang semangkok, selasih). Take a tablespoonful of Lactulose (available over the counter at the Pharmacy) or if this is too mild, add two senokot tablets or granules prepared according to instructions on the pack you bought. Senokot may cause some griping pain while being a good bowel cleanser and each person has got to find their own suitable dose! Start taking more fibre with your meals but, if you have been used to eating low fibre meals, you may find that suddenly increasing fibre intake will cause bloating! Adding a suitable amount of chlorella and spirulina may help with the detox but having said that, please make sure the brands you use are from pollution free sources and, also there are some people allergic to chlorella and spirulina so please start with a small quantity, way below the recommended dose! You may want to know why I suggest a detox to begin the fast. Most Muslims do not do any kind of detox and simply plunge into the fast. Many will have been fasting for a few days in the week the previous month and this will be a detox in itself. Those who plunge into the fast may have a tough time the first week of the fast if their bodies are having a lot of waste matter that has not found its way out of the body in the normal course of its metabolism. How is this possible you may ask?

A Scientific Experiment

Y

In an experiment done in a lab, some cells from a chicken were grown in a Ringer's solution. The Ringer's solution was changed daily. The cells lived for more that 20 years. The reason the cells died finally is because the solution was not changed during a long public holiday when the lab was closed. This experiment showed that the cells survived when their metabolites were efficiently dealt with. The Ringer's solution that was contaminated with the metabolites from the cells still contained enough cell nutrients, which means that what killed the cells were their own toxic products! Our bodies have their metabolites eliminated via our stools, by being processed by the liver, and through our kidneys as urine, also through our skin as sweat and through our lungs in the vapour that comes out with our breaths. If for any reason there is an inefficient elimination due to the sluggishness of the liver or the kidneys or the skin and lungs, our body will be storing waste matter meant to be eliminated. The waste products are the metabolites from the food we eat and also from pollution that we are exposed to via breathing and our drinking water as well as food. When we are not fasting, our cells are busy processing the food we keep ingesting and this may make the cells fall back on the clearing out of the waste matter which then gets retained in the cells but when we stop eating the cells will then have the time they need to deal with the waste matter. For this reason I have always advised people to stop eating at about 6 pm and have the next meal at about 8 am, even if they do not do any fasting! In other words, it is possible to eat ourselves to death if we do not pay attention to the detox and elimination functions of our bodies.

So now we go to the actual fast itself. Basically the fast is to stop eating and drinking from sun up to sun down! The time of the fast varies from country to country and season to season and year to year. For some it may be 14 hours, for some much more and for some much less! But somehow since the Muslim calendar moves because it is a non-adjusted lunar calendar, it keeps shifting until those who have fasted in the winter will find themselves some years later fasting in the summer!

Ketosis

Y

So what actually happens during a fast? A long enough fast will result in ketosis. The body will run out of its glycogen, the constant energy supply that the body produces from foods eaten and, the body starts dipping into its reserve supply stored in the fat. The body however, no matter how fat a person is, is very reluctant to dip into the stored fat, some long ago mechanism for survival of the human I suppose and will let the blood sugar level really drop, as well as let the body metabolism slow down before it actually starts to dip into the stored energy reserves. Does a person who totally fasts for about 14-18 hours in a day go into a ketosis state? This is an individual thing and, can only be determined by doing a ketone test on the urine or the breath.

Some of the experiences of the faster come from reflex actions by the body. Do we feel hungry because the body does not have enough food? More often that not, the hunger pangs we get are reflex, because we eat at a certain time, so we regularly feel hungry even though our body may not need the food! When the blood sugar goes down, we may feel dizzy, and, we will not be able to stand the cold as much as when we are not fasting.

Many people get a headache when they fast, even a few hours into the fast.. The headache comes on for many reasons, some of it may have to do with a gastric reflex action, and, some of it may be due to toxins that start to get released into the blood stream because of being released from the cells. The waste matter that has been trapped in the cells and in our fat cells, start to find its way into the blood because we have given the cells time to process the metabolites in the cells by not eating. The cells start to deal with the accumulated waste products and throw them back into the blood so that they can go to the liver and the kidneys, and the skin and lungs to be released from the body. This gives rise to the smelly breath, smelly sweat, pungent urine and smelly stools the faster may experience. It may also make the faster experience diarrhoea a few days into the fast and these increased toxins in the blood, on their way out, also gives rise to the lethargy, body ache and weakness, besides the headache and dizziness that the faster experiences. It sounds bad, but leaving the toxins in the cells is much worse because there they cause the cells to degenerate and age faster. A person who has done some detox before the fast will experience much less problems from these annoying symptoms besides being simply tired and hungry.

Anyone who has actually undertaken the fast will tell you they start to feel better in the second week of the fast! By this time the body's reflex actions will have adjusted to the new time table of eating, and also the accumulated waste in the cells will have had a sufficient time to have been removed, thus the overload of metabolites from the cells and the fat cells will have reduced.

Some problems however may start to become apparent during this time! What I notice is an increase in cases of renal colic and gouty arthritis, and, gastritis. I also find many cases of acute gastroenteritis, quite apart from the diarrhoea that I mentioned earlier as possibly due to a detox reaction. Most of these medical problems of the faster is not directly related to the fasting but, more because of how they break the fast each day! My favourite phrase that I say to my patients is "This is not because of the fasting, but this is because of how you break your fast!" (Ini bukan salah puasa, ini salah buka puasa) Most people are not aware and do not think it necessary to change the way they eat after not eating for 14-18 hours! They break their fast by eating as they usually eat and if that consists of really hot chili padi and curried chicken, roast beef and a heaping plate of rice, then that is what they’ll eat when they break their fast!

The problem is that the gastrointestinal tract, having rested for an unusual length of time, and being really empty of food, is not ready to digest irritating foods in large quantities engulfed in record time! My advice would be to eat lightly and certainly cut down on the animal proteins as much as possible and substitute mixed vegetables and beans for it. This would counter the tendency for uric acid stones and deposits, the main reason for the increased incidence of gouty arthritis and renal colic during the fasting month. By the way, some beans may also be a problem for some people with a raised uric acid level to start with. Taking a lot of fruit juices would help alkaliniaze urine and this would also be a great help in preventing stones. Drinking a lot of water whenever possible throughout the night would also be a good practise. If there is a strong tendency for uric acid stones, perhaps a commercially sold alkalinizer may be a good preventive measure.

The other reason for the gastrointestinal problems besides indiscreet breaking of the fast, is eating food that has been in the refrigerator, or worse still, kept on the table for long periods of time. Asians for example would cook rice and leave it in the pot for long hours in the hot weather and not realize that germs would have been breeding in the rice. Or they would eat leftovers from the break fast meal for the pre dawn sahur again paving the road for ingesting germs! My advice here would be to cook enough for one meal, and to quickly refrigerate leftovers if they are to be eaten again and, to throw away the bacterial cultures and fungal cultures that you may discover in the refrigerator after a week of fasting and accumulating left over foods, lest a hapless member of the family raids the refrigerator at night and ends up sick!

Food Allergies

Y

There is another problem that I have come across during the fasting month and that is, many people who were allergic to certain foods had flare ups when they ingested the food during the breaking of the fast! The explanation for this is that, in actual fact the person may be very sensitive to the food, but the effect is masked when the person eats regular meals because of the other digestive functions. Abstaining from food therefore augments the sensitivity reactions. This is actually helpful because it identifies the food we are sensitive to and we can thus avoid these foods. Although we may think that we have become more allergic to these foods, in actual fact we are already very allergic to these foods, except that the allergies would manifest in less dramatic but more chronic ways. For example, if we are allergic to shrimp and usually, on non fasting days, taking shrimp makes us wake up with a runny nose the
next morning, we may find that taking shrimp for the break fast meal may cause an immediate itch in the mouth! The most sensible thing to do with food we are allergic to is to avoid these foods but I know of very many people who would rather have the allergy than go without the food! In this case, then I would suggest make sure you do not take foods you are allergic to in the break fast meal, take it later in the night.

The best thing to take for the break fast meal is bland nutritious foods and most Muslims know that the Prophet (pbuh) used to take dates and milk. The prophet (pbuh) used to have a very meagre meal for breakfast and the same for sahur, which would make the fast a ketotic one, that is the body goes into ketosis, there is a break down of fat and, there is a detoxification process that goes on, and research has shown that in this kind of fasting, it is quite possible that tumours will be resorbed and shrink, even disappear from the body. This kind of fast, eating far less than the caloric needs of the day will have a lot of added benefits but, is not to be undertaken by those who are having other serious metabolic disease except under close medical supervision and monitoring! It is also possible to cure disease related to the guts, including colitis and constipation, if one is prepared to go on a strictly bland diet, completely avoiding the foods that aggravate the conditions. This is different in different people, many people are gluten intolerant, quite a number are pretty allergic to spices and chilli although they will say they cannot do without it. Some cannot take certain vegetables and certain meats so what to avoid is quite individual! The month long fast, if undertaken with the avoidance of the foods one cannot tolerate well will improve digestion and heal many minor functional digestive problems and possibly even more serious ones.

Spices

Y

About spices, many Asian styles of cooking are very spicy. Spices have a lot of essential oils and stuff that need to be processed by the liver and by the kidneys. So, in the fasting month when water intake is nil in the daytime for 14-18 hours, it is very wise to cut down on spices or to avoid spices entirely.

I have read about a lot of research done on the Ramadan fast on blood lipid levels and, it has been shown that fasting reduced serum cholesterol while raising the good cholesterol. This result was obtained in many of the studies conducted and, one that I am quoting is titled:

Effect of Ramadan Fasting on Lipid Peroxidation, Serum Lipoproteins and Fasting Blood Sugar done in the Isfahan Universirty of Medical Sciences on 50 healthy subjects.

One of the things frequently pointed out to be negative is the dehydration that is caused by not taking any fluids from sun up to sundown, but in actual fact this also has been proven to be of possible benefit:

Quoting from a magazine article: at this URL
http://www.saisamachar.com/saipranaam/nov02/health.htm
Abstinence from water during this period is not bad at all and in fact, it causes concentration of all fluids within the body, producing slight dehydration. The body has its own water conservation mechanism; in fact, it has been shown that slight dehydration and water conservation, at least in plant life, improve their longevity.

For the effects of fasting on the blood sugar, again a lot of research has been done on this, and the results may differ with different research but a consensus may be reached that it is generally beneficial. In my clinic though I do not see it to be so, most probably because we find that during Ramadan, many people will take to drinking sweetened water and syrups! When I was studying in another Muslim country which I will not mention, I was shocked to find out that my landlord, a family of 4 adults, actually consumed one kilogram of sugar in 2 days during Ramadan because of extra sweetmeats they prepared! There were many other things I found rather weird and among them, day became night, night became day, people stayed up to eat and talk the whole night and in the day time they mostly slept! I think in some places schools were closed and work was cut to a minimum. I am of the opinion that all these practices actually negate the beneficial effects of fasting and am happy to say it is not the custom here in Malaysia where people would spend the earlier part of the night in group prayers and then sleep, waking early for the pre dawn meal, more prayers and Quran reading while in the day time it is work as usual.

Gastritis

Another common problem is gastritis! I have mentioned about taking hot chili and spices and said that it is not a very wise choice of food for breaking the fast! Neither are caffeine drinks, especially if one is sensitive to caffeine. I find that a cup of coffee or tea an hour or so after breaking the fast is not too harmful for the average person but for the sensitive person it is enough to cause a digestive upset as well as insomnia or, in the case of tea, the tannin content in the tea may cause constipation to a bowel that is already sluggish from the reduced peristalsis caused by the fast! A very good drink for breaking the fast would be a tea made from fresh ginger! What I do is take fresh young ginger and crush it, and add hot water and honey and a little limejuice, or lemon juice. It helps digestion and is a very soothing drink to take after a fast. I know fresh young ginger may not be too easy to find in the West though and ginger powder may have to do but won' t taste as good! This drink is one my grandmother used to make and I remember drinking it every fasting month when I was a child. I have revived the tradition in my own home, and have also found out that ginger heals many minor digestive complaints!

Other simple solutions to hyperacidity may be Magnesium Trisilicate, which can be bought at the pharmacy. It has the added advantage of being mildly laxative which helps in the fasting month! Read labels and do not buy anything that contains aluminium. We get enough from aluminium foils and aluminium cans and do not need an extra dose of it! Aluminium has been implicated in Alzheimer's disease and one should avoid any antacid that contains aluminium and mind you, many actually do.

There is an effect of experiencing a high from eating even from 2 days of fasting the Muslim way. I think this would be difficult to explain to people who have not experienced this high! When we are eating every day and eating very regularly, I think we sometimes get to the point that the eating does not seem to be contributing to our energy. I have often felt tired and even sluggish especially when there had been too many dinner invitations, and the food was so delicious that one tended to overindulge. I have found my own cure for this and that is to fast, and to break my fast with light foods for at least 2 days! What we will experience is that the first day of the fast is very difficult, I would feel very tired and my whole body would ache, my head would ache and I would not be in a very good mood! On the second day, I would feel less tired, and my body would start to feel better, I would be mild mannered and sweet, even though I would feel tired! And then when I have a normal day on the third day starting with breakfast in the morning, what would happen is that I would feel great! I would have a lot of energy, I would be vivacious and full of life. My digestion would have improved, food would taste great but a little bit would be enough and after a meal there would be a surge of energy and a sense of well being that would have been absent before the fast.

For a month long fast, it is the same but, on an extended scale! There are several differences in routine that happens when we fast and that is that we have to sleep less, because of the pre dawn meal and prayers. It would help to sleep early but usually what happens is that after breaking the fast in the evening, there is so much energy that one does not feel like sleeping early and would use the time for reading and prayers or talking or doing a hundred and one things that one did not feel like doing in the day time while fasting! This does not always happen though, if one has taken too much food when breaking the fast, what happens is an extreme lethargy and sleepiness and you may find yourself sleeping right after breaking the fast so if you do not want to go to sleep after breaking the fast, make sure you do not fill your stomach to the brim! It is also not a commendable thing to do!

The Prophet's instructions on eating are very simple, "Eat when hungry and do not eat until you feel full. There should be one third of your stomach with food, one third with liquid and, one-third with air!" The wonderful thing though that you will find is, that after some time, you will not need so much sleep and can make do with less sleep. This seems to be a result of eating less!

Supplements and Drugs while Fasting

Y

As I have said previously, when fasting the stomach and intestines become somewhat more sensitive than they are when we are eating all the time. What this means is that foods we react to will have a greater amplitude of the same reaction we have while not fasting. A far as supplements are concerned, the more concentrated ones may not agree very much with the digestion while fasting so for most people, it would be best to cut down supplements to the minimum.

As for those on medications, here are the adjustments that may be needed:
Diabetics on hypoglycaemics or insulin: When fasting the blood glucose level will go down so if you take a dose during the pre dawn meal, you may go into hypoglycaemia in the day time. Symptoms would include vertigo, cold sweating and feeling faint. I usually advise my patients to take their daily dose during the evening meal. Those who take 2 dose a day will need adjustment of the predawn dose. A reduced dose may also be needed. Monitoring blood glucose levels while fasting would help in the adjustments, involve your doctor in the adjustments. As for antihypertensives, it is probably ok to stick to the medication as before, those taking medication 3 times a day may need to change to longer acting versions of the drugs they are taking. Again talking to your doctor is going to help make the adjustments.

Antibiotics: Anybody who needs antibiotics while fasting should request for the antibiotics with a daily or twice daily dose. It would be a bit problematic to try to take 3 daily doses at night and not possible to adjust the dosing! Some antibiotics can cause crystals in the urine and cause pain when urinating because of the no intake of water in the daytime. As such, please inform your doctor you are fasting and ask the doctor not to give such antibiotics. Those who are prone to urine infections may take urine alkalinizers, which are sold over the counter in pharmacies. Cornsilk and barley drinks would also be helpful to take.

I have mentioned about constipation: Vegetables and other complex carbohydrate foods are essential. Mild constipation can be dealt with by taking fibre preparations like psyllium husks, and there are some fruits like prunes and tamarind juice that can also help. Other than this there are some mild preparations like Forlax that are very
safe to take when absolutely necessary. The other alternative is to go for enemas. Constipation should not be allowed to continue, as it will reduce the detox effect of the fast. The liver cannot unload its accumulated waste products if the person is constipated. Avoid tea because it contains tannin, which is astringent and tends to cause constipation if you are constipated. Those taking NSAID, ie painkillers may have much more gastric irritation on these and, if they have sensitive stomachs should change to less irritating drugs which your doctor will tell you about. It may cost more than the usual NSAID s that you are taking. Eg, you may change from diclofenac sodium a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory to a cox 2 inhibitor like meloxicam.

You may however want to try alternative treatment and now may be a good time to make the switch! The fasting time is also the best time to deal with your drug and food addictions! Since smokers and caffeine drinkers have to abstain while fasting, they will find that it gets much easier to keep delaying the coffee or cigarettes until they don' t drink it or smoke it and it is time to fast again! Those who are really heavy smokers may need a little bit more help from the doctor by going on a nicotine patch or some other aids to stopping smoking. Many have asked me about taking injections. In general, injections according to the clerics I have consulted are allowed while fasting, and there should not be a problem with this. Having said this, painkillers are still excreted to the stomach and taking such an injection on an empty stomach may cause a gastric irritation.

Physical Activities and Sports

Y

Other issues I have seen raised about fasting is physical activities and sports. Naturally these activities will cause the person to sweat and become dehydrated so what happens when you sweat and cannot drink any fluids? I have done exercise and aerobic dancing while fasting and am none the worse for it. What I do is to have these activities in the late afternoon, about an hour or so before the time for breaking the fast. In this way there is not much of a delay in replenishing the water in the body. There is a possibility of feeling a bit dizzy while exercising, this is not harmful and is due to the lower blood pressure of the faster.

Bathing

Y

As for bathing, many fasters avoid bathing after 12 noon when fasting because they say it is makruh, ie not recommended and will reduce the rewards of the fasting since it refreshes the tired body and therefore makes the suffering less! But practically speaking, bathing every day and scrubbing with a sponge will very much help the body to detox since all the fasting is going to move toxins into the organs of elimination which are the large intestine including the liver, the kidneys, the lungs and the skin via the sweat glands and the skin cells! By removing the dead skin cells, which contain the toxin, we allow the skin to send more of the stuff it wants to remove via the skin! So one of the benefits of the fast will be a lovely clear complexion! Not to worry if in the beginning the skin throws out pimples and other eruptions, this does sometimes happen before the skin clears! But the skin will not clear unless you do not eat that foods that aggravate eruptions, like nuts and chocolates!

Another tip I would like to share is to carry a drinking bottle, make sure it is one that is not easy to spill, when you go for the tarawih prayers. This way you can drink in between the prayers and rehydrate yourself better. You will notice your throat get very dry while saying the tarawih, if you have neglected to bring your drinking water along!

Inward Looking Time

Y

There is a little bit I would like to address about the emotional and mental effects of fasting. There are my own observations and bits and pieces I have heard or read somewhere and cannot make references to ..this is the reason I cannot write scholarly papers, a lot of what I say is mere heresay and anecdotal! A talk I attended just before the fast made a point about the fast. Now this advise is by some holy person and as usual I cannot remember who but, something clicked when I heard the advise. The advise is, stop what you do as a routine in your life, forget about that extra ironing that you do, vacuum the house less, spend less time on the computer, CHANGE your routine in whatever way you can and, do beneficial things you never had the time for! Read that motivational book that you have bought a few months ago and never had the time for, read the Quran and make sure you ponder over the meanings. MAKE ROOM in your life for new things by removing from it the stuff that is keeping away the new things that are needed in your life. Your mind is clear when you fast, because the energy spent on digesting food, is now not being expended and is available to your brain. The emotional support you get from the sense of togetherness, the breaking of the fast with the family, the increased consciousness about keeping away the negative, makes this an ideal time to reflect, to think and to grow in our realisations besides the extra prayers that we do. I always need my inward looking time and it is quite easy to be caught in group activities and forget to look inwards at this time, but it would be a waste not to use this time for that inner spring cleaning!

I have had some questions asked to me and will address them now before ending this series on the Muslim fast and our body.

	.
Some Questions and Answers	Y

One person asked me what to do if one is underweight and will lose a lot of needed weight when fasting! Some people have very high body metabolism and tend to lose weight even when eating well. The ones I know who are like this are very healthy in other ways except that they look like they have not eaten for weeks! I would suggest to take extra high calorie meal replacements after the usual meals as a drink in between the 2 main meals and to take another supper snack an hour before sleeping. Take more fat, nuts are a good source of fat and snack on dried fruits and nuts at night. Please make sure you know your cholesterol levels before undertaking to eat more fat. There are some pretty thin individuals who may have raised cholesterol levels and raised ldl cholesterol (bad cholesterol) and low hdl (good cholesterol).

Another person asked me what I think of the traditional way some people take extra large meals with lots of goodies during the fasting month, much more than they usually eat and this person said he actually gained weight in the fasting month! I think this is a very unhealthy way to fast and would be harmful in the long run as well as it negates many of the benefits, both physical, emotional and spiritual.

Ramadan Mubarak! May you have the best fast possible and emerge from the fasting month renewed and victorious over your nafs, healthier in mind body and soul!

Suriya Osman

--
http://holisticleaders.com

Nisfu Sya'aban

Today is Nisfu Syaban.This date also coincides with the change of Qiblat. This event took place at the location of Masjid Qiblatain,a few kilometres from Masjid Nabawi.

Here is a dua you can recite today.

Dua of Nisfi Shaban
By Shaykh Hisham al Qabbani

O God, Tireless Owner of Bounty. O Owner of Sublimity, Honor, Power, 
and Blessings. 
There is no god except You, the Support of refugees and Neighbor of 
those who seek nearness, Guardian of the fearful. 

O God, if you have written in Your Book that I be abject, deprived, 
banished, and tight-fisted, then erase it

O God, through Your bounty, Erase my misery, deprivation, banishment, 
and stinginess and establish me with You as happy, provided with 
blessings, for surely You have said and Your Word is True in Your Revealed 
Book on the tongue of Your Messenger, "God blots out or confirms what 
He pleases, and with Him is the Mother of Books." (13:39) 

My God, by the Great Manifestation of the Night of the middle of the 
Noble Month of Sha`ban 'in which every affair of wisdom is made distinct and
authorized',(44:4) Remove from us calamities those we know and those we do not
know, and Thou knowest best for surely You are the Most Mighty,
the Most Generous.

 May God bless Muhammad and his Family and Companions.

Exams over!!

My exams are over! I have also finished my assignments and also my case study write up. This leaves me with a few working papers and workshops to plan for. Perhaps I will take a break for the fasting month and be as lazy as I would like to be...

This article was in the mail today...enjoy!

Stay positive in the face of negativity

By Lori Radun

Everybody has been around a negative person at least once in life - probably many times. A negative person will bring you down and drain your energy. If you allow them, negative people will make you angry and challenge your ability to remain positive. Whether your child or spouse has an occasional negative day or you deal with a family member, friend or co-worker that is chronically negative, there are things you can do to remain positive in the face of negativity.

Do Not Argue with Negativity
When you are dealing with a negative person, the worst thing you can do is argue with him. This only adds fuel to the fire. A negative person will feed off any negativity that will reinforce his mood or attitude. I have noticed when my children are in a cranky mood, it is best to avoid trying to convince them that their attitude needs adjustment. As soon as I take the approach of being in opposition with them, they pounce on the opportunity to ensure me that life stinks. Their negativity escalates and the situation gets worse before it gets better. Know when to remain silent and let the negativity pass.

Flood Negativity with Love
A negative person often needs love and attention. The irony of the situation is that a negative person is difficult to love. It is our challenge to rise above the negative behavior and love the injured and often fearful person that is deep inside. How can you show love when someone is negative? You must listen to what she is telling you. Acknowledge the feelings she has by saying something like, "It sounds like you are very upset with your boss". Even if you don't quite understand the person's feelings, know that your reality is different than someone else's. Ask how you might help the negative person. This shows a genuine concern for his happiness. Offer a hug even if you get rejected. Remember not to take a rejection of your love personally. A negative person often has difficulty receiving love from others.

Look for the Positive
There is always gold to be found in any negative situation. Pretend you are on a treasure hunt and search for anything positive you can highlight. Even a negative person has positive qualities. When a person is drowning in negativity, it can be difficult to see the light. So often my clients share the negative things about themselves, only for me to counter with something positive. I admit that sometimes a negative person doesn't want to see the positive. This might require her to shift her perspective. Negativity can become a person's best friend and no one wants to willingly give up their best friend. Be patient and gently remind your grumpy friend or family member to look for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hopefully, in her down time, she will begin to reflect on what you have said.

Ask Negative People to Be Specific
If you pay close attention, you'll notice negative people often speak in generalizations. You may hear them say things like: "Men are jerks." "It's wrong to be on welfare." "My job is making me miserable." These kinds of statements are referred to as cognitive distortions. To help a person sort through her distorted thinking, ask for more specifics. Questions like "Which men are jerks?" or "What specifically about your job is making you miserable?" forces a person to evaluate what he or she is really trying to say. A negative person will either give up because it takes too much effort to explain himself, or he or she will get to the bottom of the issue.

Detach and Let Go of Trying to Change the Negative Person
The more you try to change a negative person, the more he or she will fight to remain negative. Detach from the emotion and let the negative person be negative. You can even try a little reverse psychology and agree with everything she says. I once read a great article about a mother who was exasperated with her son's negative mood. Everything she tried to soothe him and make him feel better backfired. She finally gave up and started agreeing with everything he said. When her son told her he had no friends, she agreed with him. When he complained that his teacher was stupid, she couldn't agree more. After several minutes of this kind of dialogue with her son, his mood suddenly shifted. He declared that he was tired and he went to bed with a smile on his face.

Avoid the Negative Person
I agree that some people are so chronically negative that you have no other choice but to avoid them. If you have negative people in your life that are critically affecting your mental and physical health, you need to evaluate whether or not you want these people in your life. There are certain people like a boss, friend or co-worker that you can remove from your life or at least avoid for long periods of time. Other people, such as children and spouses, may require professional intervention if their negativity is affecting your life. Reinforce very strong boundaries with chronically negative people so you can protect your well being.

Manage Your Own Negative Thoughts and Behavior
If you do nothing else but focus on managing your own negative thoughts and behavior, you will come a long way towards remaining positive. A negative attitude is infectious, but a positive attitude is contagious as well. Surround yourself with positive people that encourage you to be your best self. Use positive affirmations to combat negative self-talk. Express your gratitude for all the positive things in your life. Take the time everyday to stop and smell the roses, watch children laugh and play, and listen to the birds chirp in the morning. Read inspirational material and listen to joyful music. Seek spiritual connectedness with your God. Do whatever you have to do to remain positive and joyful despite the negativity you face. The world will be a better place because of you and your attitude. And you never know, you just might help a negative person make the transition to a better way of living.

Copyright © 2005 Lori Radun, CEC
Lori Radun, CEC is a certified life coach for moms.

Buckets and Balloons

Be aware of your buckets and balloons! What makes you have a low mood and what picks you up!
This is part of knowing your SELF...............................

Where do I go?

I wrote this in response to a discussion on my old girls list about the relationship between wealth and Phd.'s ...there is none.....

The notion of 'you don t have to go to school to be rich' is from the book 'Rich Dad Poor Dad'.
Actually it is not about making millions either , it is about money management and,an education not in the field of money may mean one is not too money savvy and is likely to make a lot of mistakes re money. Which means if you are smart , it does not mean you are money smart.

Another point to ponder is this:
Abdul Rahman bin Auf, sahabat Nabi was a rich man before he migrated to Medina with the rest of the Muslims. He had to leave all his wealth in Mecca .
He went to Medina with nothing and his 'helper' in Medina lent him some capital , he started a business and again became a rich man.
On the other hand: we have the stories of people who became instant millionaires when their land became valuable and a year later they are poor again, even worse , now without their land.
What does it all mean?
That wealth is a state of being. It does not matter if you are a Phd holder or a school drop out,if you have a wealthy mindset , you will have the wealth.

Having said that, wealth is not something all people aim for or want to work at.
The main question to ask ourselve is:
What do I really want?
What will make me happy?
What will be fulfilling for me?

As I was walking from a restaurant, carrying my beautiful grandchild in my arms , a bundle of lovable joy, I thought to myself.
What is preventing me from being happy right now?
I know what will make me happy. I would be happy if I was my most authentic every moment of my time. If I did what I was doing in the best way .If I treat people the best way I could, if I solved problems in the wisest way possible, if I took my trials with fortitude and patience, learning the lessons and moving on.
Most of all if I spent enough time with my Lord and had the peace within the center of my being, anchoring me in the Haq all the time...

All the rest of the ornaments of life, Phds, money , beauty ...are the dressings......

Postscript:

In some cases, dressings are very important . I do not understimate the importance of dressings.
And perhaps my analogy is not that accurate either ..because money is a tool and a vehicle to attain life's purposes. So too a degree, it too is a tool to gain life's purposes. They are not the goal, they are the means to an end.

Travelling West

I do not think I will be travelling to the West in the near future. Perhaps I have been looking at the wrong websites but it seems to me that Islamophobia is on the rise and many governments and police , airport authorities etc and etc are not thinking rationally. Have we moved back in time? Are we in the Middle Ages...I almost spelt Muddle Ages and perhaps that is what this age is , a Muddle Age.

It is my opinion that many people are getting arrested on mere suspiscion that is not substantiated and many innocents are getting hurt. What about the university student who was selling handphones to pay for his university fees? Just because handphones can be used to detonate a bomb ,does it mean any person with a lot of handphones is involved in blowing up bombs?

And why would two Asians who passed a security check want to blow up a plane and how would they do it without anything that could be used ? Why then remove them from the plane and stop them from flying?

I would rather travel to Muslim countries with a Muslim airline. I would definitely feel safer. This is a feeling and even though it may not be appropriate and perhaps not even rational , I feel it because of the current situations at airports. Orly airport has just closed several Muslim prayer rooms.Luckily they kept a few still open . Prayer rooms and mosques are being viewed as places where Muslim ( synonymous with terrorist) plot to blow themselves up along with whoever is around. Is the world moving back in time? Are we getting polarised and talking about them versus us?

All it took was for a group of men , whoever they were to blow up a plane and a building. This started it of and instead of healing from it there is more and more paranoia.

It does not help that Muslims are also being fed kafirphobia.There are emails flying around of plots to make Muslims eat pork , cola bottles parodying Muslims at prayer and all kinds of nonsensical emails specifically designed to make Muslims hate non Muslims.

Limiting Emotions?

Last month I had an invitation to give a motivational talk to students at a school for girls. It is no ordinary school, there are grills that prevent the girls from running away and they have hostels because it is a residential school. These girls were there because their parents or teachers found them too difficult to handle. What I discovered was that they had a whole bunch issues with themselves and their families .Why did they end up here, prisoners to all intents and purposes?
One consolation was that they were only required to stay for a short duration of one year. Many would come back .When they became too old to be placed in these schools they may end up with this other group....

Yesterday I was at a training camp in Janda Baik, Pahang. This time it was a group assembled by the Pink Triangle NGO and the Jabatan Ugama Islam.There were men and women with problems . Many were HIV positive.What they had in common was that all felt rejected by society for things they felt they could not help . Many had used drugs at one time or another.

I introduced both groups to Emotional Freedom technique..I told the organizers, I was not going to do any preaching, I only wanted to help them come to terms with how they felt. Pictured below the participants practicing their newly learned Emotional Freedom Technique, tapping on the meridian points.

Between needs and wants

While shopping to equip our new office , we tried our best to buy only what was needed. It was not easy to distinguish between the two..how much time do you spend trying to decide between wants and needs...
Why are you reading this blog, is it a want or a need? Why am I writing this , to fulfill a want or a need???

How many times have you heard (or for that matter said yourself) "I absolutely need (fill in the blank)" when in reality the meaning was "I really want (fill in the blank)?" I can't live without those shoes...I will die if I can't have that ring...I simply have to have that car...the list can go on and on. Please don't get me wrong. These are phrases that we all use. That is why it's important to step back and remember that wants and needs are not the same.

Here is a list. Take a few moments to jot down what is a need and what is a want.

1. shoes

2. designer suit

3. water

4. large apartment

5. bed

6. ice-cream

7. car

8. entertainment center

9. club membership

10. lunch

11. concert tickets

12. trip to Hawaii

13. medicine

14. necklace

15. computer

16. daily espresso

17. cellular phone

18. golf clubs

19. furnishings

Unfortunately, the answers to these questions are not completely black and white. What may be a want for one person may be a necessity for another person. For example, let's take a look at a computer. If you make your livelihood on the computer, then a computer is a necessity for you. If you only use a computer to play the latest online games, then it isn't. Knowing this, we can still make some pretty good guesses as to what are wants and what are needs from the above list for most people. Shoes (and clothing in general), water, bed, car, lunch, medicine and furnishings are good bets to be needs. Now that doesn't mean that the latest model, 4 wheel drive sport utility vehicle with all the extras counts as a need for most people, but basic transportation to make a living does.

A large apartment, computer and cellular phone may or may not qualify as a need depending on your particular circumstances while a designer suit, ice-cream, entertainment center, club membership, concert tickets, trip to Hawaii, necklace, daily espresso and golf clubs all probably fall into the want section.

If you can take the time to start being honest with yourself, you will find that a lot of the things which you assumed were an absolute necessity until now are in reality nothing more than wants. Once you distinguish between the two and look at these issues objectively, you have placed yourself in the position to live within your means by simply asking yourself whether or not an item or service you are about to purchase is a need or merely a want.

Copyright (c) 2004, by jeffrey strain

Ainayya Mardhiyah

This is my grand daughter . She crawls now. Her favourite toy is a handphone. She already chewed her Mum's handphone until it no longer works, she has also destroyed Mamu Aiman's headset by sucking on it. My handphone has to be reformated after she had a go at it..and as you can see , she loves to be behind the wheels.
Mami Ai said, she is angelic when she is asleep.

Aimi's USU mind map

You can click on the image to get a clearer view of this mind map. It can be added to of course,perhaps I can use it to coach Aimi later when she has gone to USU so that she remains focused on her goals.

Aimi is going to USU to do medicine. Finally! What a scramble to find her a place to do medicine. But in my mind and heart I could already see Aimi in 5 years from now so I was certain she would be able to get a place. She has has a one track mind about her career , even though it was so difficult to imagine possible when she did not make the grades to go locally and then, she was offered a place to do dentistry instead. In the end though , she got her place , only God knows how that came about! Aimi is leaving this weekend and I will go visit her with Hana when Hana comes back . What a pity that Hana will miss Aimi by a mere 12 hours . We will go visit her Hana when she has settled down.
This is a mind map of the brainstorming session I had with Aimi weighing her benefits, challenges and what she needs to do.

So many milestones

I guess I should be so pleased today!
I am attending Himi's graduation at last..and Aiman's in 3 weeks from now! So 3 graduates in the family already .
Hana is coming back next week and the Light of Healing treatment and training center is going to be ready by next week.
I will be finishing my Professional Certified Coach training by September and Holistic Leaders Sdn Bhd will be getting ready to roll!

Things are moving really...now if only I can get my heart to stop having these palpitations ....ooops Hana not to worry it is getting less already , and will settle down when the family and new companies moves beyond these baby steps......

About Listening

The biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.

-George Bernard Shaw

The Father who did not listen

I was watching an old P Ramlee movie. It was Nasib Si Labu Labi. In one scene , Labu and Labi had gone to see the father of a lady their boss wanted to marry. The short little man was a very pleasant man who was a great talker. He asked them what they were there for and before they could answer he had gone on to speak of other things and everytime Labu wanted to say something, he would interupt and say something else. Finally, Labi caught hold of the gentleman's head and shut the man's mouth with his hand and then Labu was finally able to tell him their mission!

I had thought this could not actually happen in real life until I met a certain Dato. My husband and myself had gone to see him about something and it was the first time we had met him. We probably know more about him , his wife and his job than he knows about us. Perhaps he has even forgotten what we came to see him for . He asked me three times what I did and I told him but he was not listening .He also could not pronounce my name eventhough I told him several times. It reminded me of Daren's father in law in Bewitched since he never got Daren's name right ever!

I suppose such extremes of not listening are not common but then again have we really been listening ?Trainers, counsellors , doctors teachers and parents are very fond of telling people what to do and how to do it. It is a paradigm that most of us probably lived with, that those in authority do all the talking and those who are not , do all the listening.

Listening coaches
People pay a coach to listen to them !Does a coach then have the listening skills to really listen ? What does the coach do with all the listening anyway? Is it enough just to be listened to?

In my opinion, deep listening does more to move a client than anything else combined! In fact without the deep listening, none of the other skills of a coach will be effective enough! You would think such a thing as listening would be as simple as allowing the ear to hear what people are saying but the truth is , it is not so simple !

Seek to understand

When I say something, I may not mean what you think I mean . It is therefore important to clarify what is being said . So many problems result from misunderstandings! Last weekend I got on a taxi at the Wangsa Maju LRT station and told him I want to go to Taman Melawati. In my usual dreamy manner I did not pay attention to his driving and soon found myself in Taman Melati!Whoa! The taxi driver certainly did not seek to understand and was pretty sure he brought me to where I wanted to go! Many of us are like this. We assume we know what the person talking to us meant to say and based on that assumption we act.

One way I seek to understand is by repeating what the person said . I might say something like," Let me get this clear. You said this......Is this what you mean?" How many people you know actually do this? When we argue for instance we just want to drown out the other person's argument by speaking louder than him or her!

One of the activities I am fond of when I do group coaching is to pair people up and get them to listen to each other . They have to spend about five minutes just listening and are only allowed to ask questions to clarify . They could not give their opinions and even when they disagreed with what was being said ,they were told to just listen and seek clarification. Before the activity started I asked each partner to make an affirmation. The listener's affirmation is: I will listen deeply and seek to understand what my partner is saying. I will throw the light of awareness and be a mirror for my partner so they can see what they are saying. As for the talker their affimation is: I will tell my partner the truth from the depth of my heart. I will be as honest as I possibly can and as direct and clear as I can in telling my partner what I want heard. The topic is usually something that the person wants some clarity on.

The results of this activity is usually extremely interesting and for me it is thought provoking . The majority of talkers feel good. They feel listened to and many actually got some insight into what they talked on even for the short duration of five minutes. There was once a fellow who whispered to me after the activity that he got annoyed with the listener echoing everything he said , so one must not over do it in trying to build a rapport. Listeners on the other hand usually feel happy listening because they feel good being of help to their talking partner Once in a while however , I get a disgruntled listener! One lady said she was upset because she had to listen and therefore could not talk. Another said they got upset because they could not interject with their objections.

Body language

In the situation I mentioned above, the lady who did not like to listen folded her arms as she talked when it was her turn to talk. I had taken note of this as I went around observing the actions and body language of the activities couples. When it was time to make comments , she remarked that she liked being listened to eventhough she felt the listener was forced to listen and was not sincere in listening. I also noted when it was her turn to listen, she kept her arm folded eventhough her partner had her arms open and oustretched in front of her as if trying her best to reach out to her listener. To no avail! Up to the end of the session this listener held back and had her arms folded and admitted to not really enjoying being a listener! In the other listening couples at the same workshop I noted there was a lot of mirroring of each other. The listeners leant forward a little , head cocked to one side and their arm and legs sometimes matched the talker . I had not instructed them to do this but the action was pretty spontaneous. When the person is listening, it is not just the ears, the eyes, the body and the heart listens as well.

Our filters.

This lady I alluded to previously is a treasure of examples! When she said she knew the listener was not really interested and was just listening out of politeness , she was applying a filter . It was she herself who listened in this manner and with this filter she saw others. One time when I was driving a car in the afternoon , I put on my sunglasses. It was a long drive on the highway and about an hour later it started to rain. I turned on the headlamps and wondered why it was so dark until I realised I had my sunglasses on. That is what happens when we listen through our filters. We have assumptions that are based on who we are and how we feel about things. This is why I have said self awareness in an important component in listening. It is self awareness that allows us to notice our filter and step aside and not react.

Levels of listening

People listen on many levels.

1. Pretending to listen while actually thinking of something else. What is being said does not register and is soon forgotten
2.Listening without interest in the subject and in the talker.
3. Listening with sincerity and with intention to understand the talker, not only what is being said, also what is not being said, which means understanding the intonation , facial expression and body language.

The third way of listening can only happen when the listener is interested in people. To have an interest in people, a person has to first of all be self aware and present . These are not qualities that come easily to anyone . Most people are not present, they are more likely to be self absorbed . Deep in a thought process that involves and relate to themselves. Thier only interest in other people is where it relates back to themselves.

Do parents listen ?

In a communication workshop recently, I did a role play and in the role play a teenage son was playing an online game and his mum wanted him to throw away the garbage before going to bed. When I asked for 'mothers' to respond, the third mother managed to get the boy to commit to throwing away the garbage. The reason she was able to do so was because she listened to her son. She knew how he thought and she respected what was important to him. Real listening means understanding other people's perspectives even when we do not agree with them. It is saying I hear what you are saying and I know your view point . It sets the stage for the listener to be heard. When parents adopt the authoritarian approach listening is a one way traffic, where parents do all the talking and the children do all the listening.

In a nutshell.

Listening is what most people do not do very well. In order to be a good listener one has to have develope some qualites which include

• empathy,
• an interest in people
• self knowledge and self awareness
• a focus on the present moment and what is being said
• a knowledge of body language and intonation
• a seeking to understand

All these qualities can be consciously developed through knowledge practice and increased understanding. Do you have what it takes?

Koh Samui

EFT Certification course

I learned EFT a few years ago from Dr Tam Lewellyn . It turns out he was Karl's teacher.
Anyway here are some pics from Koh Samui. We had the course at Santiburi Resort..a 5 star hotel which was just too amazingly beautiful.
Lunch was on the beach...The guy just beside me is Karl Dawson and the others are participants.

Communication from the Domain of the Heart.-June Sufi Healing Class

Communication from the Domain of the Heart


Dr Suriyakhatun Osman

http://holisticleaders.com/whois.html


Part One


“*Since the nature of life is action and reaction, every outer experience has a reaction within, and every inner experience has its reaction in the outer life.”*

Aphorims of HIK


The lady who walked into the room in the afternoon looked familiar. In my usual dreamy style , I had forgotten when I 'd seen her last and when I looked at the notes I mistook the date and thought she was coming in for her yearly check when in actual fact she had just been to see me the previous month for inserting an IUD, a contraceptive device. When I asked her how she was and asked if she was coming for her yearly check up , she snapped at me and told me in no uncertain terms that she was the patient who waited a whole hour in the treatment room because I had forgotten about her only a month ago and today she also waited a long time before I finally called her. She then went into a tirade about some other things and she was in a blaming mood, practically blaming everything she could think of on me. Old experienced doctors like me who have been in practice more than 20 years are well respected and I almost never get a patient who found me fare game for such an outburst so this young lady's tantrum shook me up somewhat. I knew I was responsible because with a hundred and one things on my mind, I did do some multitasking and was late calling her in. Half finished on my computer screen was a slide presentation I was preparing about communication and perhaps with the work fresh in my mind I focused on trying to talk to her as honestly and as close to 'Haq' as I possibly could.

I began in a low and calm voice to tell how how sorry I was for all my shortcomings. I told her honestly I could see she was very angry with me and asked her how I could make it up to her. While I was saying this , I focused on my breathing and was speaking to her from the domain of the heart. There was no echoing anger in me, only a great need to mend the situation.

The change in the energy was palpable. Not only did she stop being angry, she started opening up to me, telling me her worries and concerns over her health.

In a spirit of love and intimacy , I finished the examination and her greeting as she left the room was warm and heartfelt .As she left she apologized to me for her outburst. My receptionist told me she was smiling as she left my clinic.

This anecdote that I relate introduces our class for this month, Communication from the Domain of the Heart. How often we find ourselves in situations when we react instead of respond. How often that results in difficult situations and 'dances' that are repeated time and again until we learn not to react but to respond. ? How does one learn to respond rather than to react?



"Murshid, when I come to you I come with a thousand complaints to make.

Why is it that the power of your presence disarms me?"

Murshid: "Because I have disarmed myself."

Anecdotes of Hazrat Inayat Khan Seite 1


Do relate your experiences with such communications , insha allah it will enrich our class for this month

response to a response

Thank you for the responses.

Some patients have a compulsive need to trigger such reactions to reinforce
their rejection pattern.

It is the energy of the other person that we feel . I once caught myself becoming very angry only to realise that it was the key to the remedy the patient needed. The patient was a baby with cereberal palsy who almost never stopped crying . He was already 6 months old when the parents brought him to see me.Soon after he and his parents walked into my room I started becoming angry. He was screaming at the top of his voice and the parents told me this was his usual manner except when he is feeding or sleeping.I took the baby from his mum and gave him to his dad , instructing him to take the baby out to the waiting room and do a zikr,Ya Salam all the time. I then did a breathing exercise with the mum , we can try it now . After the breathing exercise, I got a history from the mum. She had become extremely angry when a doctor remarked to a nurse who was trying to teach her to suckle the baby at the breast while she was warded with the baby when they were investigating his cereberal palsy. He had remarked to the nurse that she was wasting her time because the baby was brain damaged and could not suckle. The mother became very angry but did not say anything . She did manage to breastfeed the baby after this but never stopped being angry up to the moment she was with me.A this point there was a palpable silence because the baby had miraculously stopped crying.

Here is the exercise that we did together.
Focus on your breathing. Do not try to change it but just be aware of it. Observe the in breath and the out breath . Observe how your heart-space feels.In the Quran the heart space is called the "Sadr" and there are many places where it is referred to as expanded or narrowed. How does your "sadr " feel. Is it heavy or expanded or tight or narrow?Is your breathing fast or slow, is it deep or shallow?
Following a quantum physics law, the breathing changes when we observe it. It becomes more regular and deep. We also become calmer and become aware of our emotions. We become aware of the state of our heart-space and probably the reasons why if it is not in an essential state.
The boundaries of the heart-space are the clavicles, the rib cage,the stermum , the scapula and the diaphragm below. Some people may notice that it actually expands to the throat area and the solar plexus area.

Communication from the Domain of the Heart 2

I met an amazing woman this weekend. I was on a beautiful island in Thailand called Koh Samui. Both of us were attending a workshop. This tall Dutch woman walked with a crutch and had to be sent to the lecture room with a buggy.At 54, she was a cripple almost since birth. She lived in hospitals and insititutions because she was almost paralized and had constant fits . The doctors finally diagnosed her has having a form of systemic lupus and told her when she was about 20 that she had only a few more years to live. The drugs they gave her almost paralysed her and she was wheelchair bound. She looked for alternatives and met with an acupuncturist. He said to her, please remove your clothes so that I can examine you. Hearing this she burst out crying for none of the doctors had ever asked her permission to examine her or to subject her to any kind of scrutiny .Another alternative practitioner to whom she was referred to by the acupuncturist worked with her for six years and helped her to stand and walk again.Remarkably, she later met a person who financed her education and training and she then worked as a social worker.She had lived in the US and India and was now living in Thailand. She now called herself by a name her spiritual teacher gave her , Taro.Taro taught me something about the human spirit that I could not have understood had I not met her. I cannot begin to relate what I learned from her because the language of our communication is the language of the heart.This woman had learned to pray for whatever she needed and it would simply come into her life. Although dependent with her disability , she was more independant than many other more mobile people. She was however totally surrendered to guidance from the One.

Communication from the heart is about understanding the still voice from within that guides us and brings to us what we need in our lives. It shows to us our life purpose and guides us to the means to fulfill it.
" Open our hearts that we may hear Thy Voice calling to us from within" Prayer of Hazrat Inayat Khan

In the busi- ness of the day, in all that we do and all that we are occupied with it is the communication and guidance that can turn the time management into a flow of surrendering to the moment . When we learn to communicate with the Divine and are guided from within, our time management changes from coping to directing to thriving

exercise:
Have a look at the chart below and gauge where you are right now.
Use the breathing exercise from the last lesson and place the question in your heart space.
How is my communication with the Divine?
Is my life thriving?

"Whoso believeth in Allah and the Last Day is exhorted to act thus. And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him, (QS. 65:2And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he hath no expectation. And whosoever putteth his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. Lo! Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah hath set a measure for all things. (QS. 65:3)"

From coping	To directing	To thriving
Time management	Information management	Life management
Dependence on the clock	Wise use of the compass	Intuitive guidance
Doing things right	Doing the right things	Being your true self
Lack of self discipline	Personal willpower	Divine will
Learn to say ‘no’	Learn to say ‘yes’	Unlearn, trust intuition, be spontaneous
Managing minutes	Managing months	Surrendering to the moment
Busy-ness	Business	Full participation in life
No time	Free self time	Freedom
Efficiency	Effectiveness	Appropriateness
Out of control	In control	Trusting, letting go
Dominance of ‘work’	Balanced living	Freedom
Consciously incompetent	Consciously competent	Unconsciously competent
Reactive, habitual, instinctual	Proactive, imaginative, intellectual	Intuitive
A focus on doing	A focus on being and doing	A focus on being and serving
Doing what’s urgent	Doing what’s important	Doing what meets the need

Introducing my blogging family

Except for little Ainaiyya who seems to have acquired a song dedicated to her, Ainaiyya Bahibbak, the rest of the family each have a blog...
So meet my family
Jebat , my beloved husband
Maryam my eldest daughter
Hilmi my number two
Sulaiman number three ( we call him Aiman)
Nurulhana number four ( Hana)
Aimi number five.
Hidayat my son in law...

I finally had the time to add their links to my blog template....
If you want to see latest photos go to Aimi's blog.
There is a very touching one of Kakak holding hands with Naruto our persian male cat..Naruto is very attached to Kakak and loves Naiyya but he is a wee bit merajuk maybe because he misses Hidayat who is in Egypt finishing off his studies...
Actually , what am I doing updating my blog and visiting all the blogs even though I may not make any comments when I should be doing my slides for the workshop on the 20th of this month..the one I will be doing in Botha Perak....
Sigh, it is nose back to the grindstone after this...
My body feels pretty ok after going to see Siva to have my foot reflexologied and then to Amanda for deep tissue massage...and of course Hilmi helped as well...
Siva is blind and a truly wonderful massager for foot reflexology..you can find him on the first floor of Wisma Cosway , I found him by chance while searching for the surau after having my coaching session with Micheal who helped me draw up a workshop proposal .

Yes I know I have not done all my rounds and have not dutifully left little notes to tell you I have been for a visit..perhaps after I come back from Koh Samui where I and Hilmi are attending a certification course ....and Aimi is coming along for the ride...we got half price ....hehehe don t ask me how...but I wonder how a wee airplane ride is like....can t remember the last time I rode on one ...but that is what I will be riding tomorrow , Berjaya Air to Koh Samui...
And of course I will indulge in a THai massage next ...

Synchronicity

Last Saturday I was in KL to give a presentation and some tips about emotional intelligence to a group of women whose husbands had been detained without trial , some for the last 5 years.Most of them resonated with what I had to say because they had already reached the point of transcending their victim mentality and were empowered . I was thinking to myself , these women are getting stronger and stronger in spirit , in faith and in wisdom. Adversity has a way of either making or breaking a person but those who have a great deal of faith and a connection to the Divine will transcend their very selves to excel in spirit and this was what I saw in this group of women.

On the way back I found myself in front of Ampang Point and stopped to go to Pay Less Books. Indeed I paid less but I paid quite a lot, RM 180 and among the treasures I brought home was one on Synchronicity by Joseph Jaworski. It was the unlikeliest title for a book about leadership but it was not merely about leadership, it was about surrendering to the inner guidance , about transcending , about understanding the unity of the Universe. He succeeded in establishing the American Leadership forum which up till now trains leaders from all over the US about working together and about being the Servant Leader.
Joseph Jaworski now heads an organization that trains leaders from all over the world called
Generon Consulting

Having had some amazing experiences with the kind of synchronicity he was talking about , I could relate very well to it.
What I have yet to experience is the coming together of like minded people to do something truly transcendental. There is this longing within me of finding the people who share my beliefs and my convictions and who want to bring about the consciousness of a transcendental way of being that is available to each and everyone of us . We do not have to be saints and prophets to experience connection with the Divine neither do we have to be gifted or otherwise superior for in truth we already are. Who will join me in my quest to truly leave a lagacy of love and light to the Nation and to the World ?
The book ended with a quote from Carl Jung

"Invoked or not invoked, God is present"

About Faith

Tiel sent me a note asking me to write something for the Progressive Faith Blog Convention 2006.

I actually got tired of writing on religion but I think Tiel did not mean that when she said write about faith.

But first let us get over the reason I got tired of writing about religion or belief:
Here is something that I experienced that will explain my point: Yesterday I joined a Malaysian online mailing list that had as its title Malaysia Spiritual Society. As I came onboard , I read one of the messsages from a guy who was just leaving. There were the usual oh please don t go, and other comments from others. I do not know what the dispute is really about but the gist of it seemed to be ' My religion is better that yours' and ' There is a big flaw in your religion.' Since this group of ove 100 people is mainly from one religion, with a smattering of members from other religions , there was a predominance of posts on this religion on the list ..which made me wonder at the name ...Oh no, not another religious wrangle or another place where one predominant group overpowers the discussuions....

There is another thing that is really bothering me right now: Since getting entangled in the training business , really , I think with me it is a calling, I have had from time to time been told to Islamize my training. Which put me into a wee dillemma really, not because I am not Islamic, I should think my words and deeds shout out Islam but because the material I was using was in my perspective very Islamic . My perspective said that all the material were principles that are embedded in Time . They were Universal Laws that had been put into place by the Eternal One.
Yet when asked to 'Islamize it' , I did . I took hadith and Quranic verses relevent to the topics and used them but I could not find the Muslim authors to quote because most of the material on these Universal laws were not written by Muslims ( but I suspect they had been dipping into Sufi sources ) .Then I got to thinking , hey hey hey , I am a Muslim and I wrote some of this stuff and what you are hearing is my Islamic perspective , is that not enough? Apparently not because for the last session I had in Bintulu , from a lot of positive feedback I got, one fellow commented that he/she disliked that I was pronouncing my quotes from the Quran wrongly and using quotes out of context. You can 't win can you?

Ok ok ok , so you think I am being defensive here right? I did a lot of soul searching and I did feel that I must learn to pronounce properly and also humbly state , please , those of you who have excellent Arabic, please correct me if I am wrong in my pronounciation and please, if I quote something out of context , do stop me and correct me.

What is the connection between what I am writing now to faith. What is faith? I do not want to look up the meaning here , I want to just write what I think faith is. Faith is believing in something so much that one acts on the beliefs , that one's perspective on things is from the perspective of the faith. Actually the Quran says quite often

Ya Ayuhal Lathina Amanu wa Amilusalihat.
Oh Ye who have faith and do good works

So actually one can have faith but NOT do good works but usually faith spurs one to good action.
What has many people quite confused is the definition of what good works is.
Many think it is prayer and fasting and going for Haj and throwing a feast now and then with people coming in to do the zikr , giving a donation once in a while to the orphans and attending weddings and funerals ..only of one's own faith mind you.
Then when you ask people who have been for Haj, they will tell you some nice horror stories of 'The Faithful ' performing the Hajj.Dear me nice and horror surely do not belong together. Oh but you know what I mean, the juicy stories that leave people shaking their heads and wondering how people of "other ethnic groups" could be so ill mannnered.
And you know the stories about how long it took to do the tawaf because a group from some other country decided to make a human chain and push you way way out so that the circle you had to make became very large. Or the man who did saie as though he was swimming and you were unfortunate enough to have been in his way and therefore stumbled after being pushed away by his hands and almost fell which would have been a disaster because you would have been stepped on. You have to admire the faith of these people really . They were determined to perform the Haj and fulfill their Muslim obligation at all costs, even if they inconvenienced their fellow pilgrims or caused a lot of grief to their fellow pilgrims........................................
You know I am being sarcastic here or at least I hope you do! I think for me ' Do good works ' is not about performing the rituals , which are important and meaningful enough when done with a lot of heart and done with presence and rememberence as well as with due consideration for the fellow worshippers...I think ' Do good works ' is being good and being kind to our fellow man, no matter what race, what religion , what perspective they are coming from. I think doing good works is being a Light in the darkness, being tolerant and speaking out against injustice , all injustice , not only the ones that affects one's own people but any people.

I woke up this morning upset with myself again. I could not find my identity card anywhere and then remembered my secretary took it to photostat for some applications I made and forgot to give it back. I saw myself asking her in a high pitched voice why she did not give it back to me and if she knew the consequences of trying to board my Air Aisia flight tonight without my IC and how about it if I could not fly....because I have a workshop to give tomorrow... As I saw this imagnary scene I was asking myself , Dear Lord , Ya Allah, there is this soft spot in my heart that inclines to kindness and goodness, and I am sure you put it there but why is it what comes out is this Shrill voiced angry woman who cannot have the patience to calmly ask for her IC and not lay the 'guilt trip' on my hapless secretary?
But I guess , even though what I visualised did happen, except I was less shrill voiced since I was aware of my actions , my secretary responded by laughing at me and with me. I guess she knows about that soft spot inside ..who told her I wonder?

So , if I put it in another way:
Faith is that soft and tender spot inside of you that loves little babies , that cries when emotions are touched , that defends the weak, that fights injustice........don t you go mistaking faith for something that puts people down and saying mine is better than yours.....you don t have to say mine is better than your, if mine is better than yours: It will be as clear as the Sun in the Sky and Allah knows best ......

On change!

I was in Bintulu last weekend , giving a coaching -training session on Knowing the self, Tools for change and Leadership. You can see some of the points elicited directly from the participants who all seem to be scratching their heads in this game that they are playing, what I call Follow the Hidden Leader. The guy in the center is trying to figure out who is initiating the Resistence Movement ...which at that point in time was head scratching!

This coming weekend will be a session in Kota Bahru and then it is off to KL for my next coaching workshop which horror of horrors, starts with mid course exams ...which I am supposed to be studying for.

So really I am not supposed to be blogging....

BTW, I had some really bad emotional vibes yesterday , maybe because of my hectic schedule , maybe jitters over changing my career ...no matter..I finally decided to seriously use a tool I frequently teach in my training, Emotional Freedom Technique and voila...I have since recovered..Masha allah, I never realised how much negativity I can hold inside when I am being negative....
I will be holding a workshop to teach EFT on the 2nd of July,it will be in Bahasa Melayu ie after I come back from Koh Samui for my EFT cert. Actually I can already instruct without the cert but it does not feel right...

You can read more about it here:

EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE WORKSHOP

By the way, this is my temporary website , before I get a professional to jazz it up for me

HOLISTIC LEADERS

The Golden girls

Guess which golden girls is me? I 'll give you a clue, this golden girl is wearing yellow/green/golden and is kneeling in the first row but not quite!






It has been 30 odd years since I last went to school. Met about 60 of my batch mates last Saturday. I was late , very late , almost missed them ......... all because I failed to note the times and assumed we would be partying all day and all night..a false assumption for half decade ladies

Well anyway here is something you can do to avoid clutter and chaos: My desk area is much clearer since I adopted some of the suggestions ...you would think it was common sense but guess what, common sense is NOT common!

Quoted from : Order from Chaos
Author : Liz Davenport

The Physical Environment

Preorganizing

Creating a Vacuum

A vacuum means some extra space in drawers, bookcases, filing cabinets, and closets. People stop filing when files become jam-packed. Then a pile begins to grow on your desk and before you know it you are buried in stacks of papers.

Vacuum-creating Rules :

• Don’t get bogged down. Box the old stuff and put it in a closet out of sight.
• Get these supplies: Storage containers and several plastic boxes with lids.
• Create these boxes: Label one “to-do now”, another “to-do later”, and a third “Archive”.
• Clearly label what you archive with a dark marker and write in big bold letters.
• Group like objects: Tax forms and legal documents, Memorabilia, Old Client Files
• Throw away 95% of the old stuff. It’s a fact that 95% of everything you saved over the past six months may be considered trash. Keep only legal papers and documents.

Start at the End, not at the Beginning

Start with the oldest stuff and work towards the most recent stuff on your desk. Be sure to go through the closet that is scariest to open, first. The last place to clear is your desk.

Closet

Take everything out, and identify stuff by category as you go.

Label boxes . Keep those extra office supplies on a more convenient shelf, or use a box labeled “scratch paper”. Decide whether to toss, recycle or keep. If you must keep, put it in its proper category and labeled box. The least used items must be kept out of sight. Create as much empty space as you can.

Bookcase(s)

Empty the bookshelf, identifying categories again as you go. Decide whether to trash or recycle items. Keep only the current phone directory and reference books.

Filing cabinet(s )

If you have a filing system where you are able to find things, don’t change it. Avoid using A-Z filing systems because if you do not remember the name of the file you will have a difficult time looking for it. Use a more general system.

Create Drawer Categories. Have major categories. You can have “Clients”, “Projects”, “Reference Material”, “Contracts”, for instance. Never use the category “Miscellaneous”.

Create larger categories within each drawer.

The rule of thumb is if a file does not have more than 20 pieces of paper in it, then the title is too specific. In “household” you can have a category “car stuff” which holds the insurance, repairs, registration and anything to do with the car. The most recent paper goes in front.

Don’t ask “How should I file this?” but “How will I use this?”

The receipts for bills we pay can be filed in 12 folders, one for each month from January to December. When you have paid the bill, whether it be for the phone, your credit card or gas, just drop the receipt in the month you paid for.

Color code

Clients can be red. Administration can be blue. Finances may be green. Just use colored markers to highlight the labels in color so you don’t have to go out and buy a dozen colored folders.

Don’t be surprised at the amount of trash you are generating as you follow this process.

Computer files

Computer files and paper systems are handled in the same manner. Use the folders in your computer as you would your physical filing cabinet.

As you create new files, save them according to your new system. Trash old files as you go. Label a folder as Archive, Clients, Household, and within each folder there should be more folders.

Boxes under/around the desk .

Again, 95% of the stuff under your desk is trash.

Desk drawers . Dump out the entire drawer then place the items you deem worthy back into the appropriate drawer. Remember to group like items.

Having a “personal” drawer is a big help. This is where the purse, hairbrush, and candy go.

Now take a look around your office and feel the freedom from distractions gently come upon you. You must be feeling lighter already. Celebrate your newfound feeling of physical and emotional lightness!

Step 1: The Cockpit Office

Setting up

• Anything used daily should be within hand’s reach.
• Anything used on a weekly basis should be within arm’s reach.
• Anything used monthly should be in the office.
• Anything used less often should not be there.

Be back in a second

That second actually takes us 20 minutes on average before we get back to our desks to work.

In a regular office, you interrupt yourself by “getting a cup of coffee, going to the restroom, or having a cigarette”. If you have a home office, you have even more time-wasting opportunities. “Water the plant, put in another load of laundry, walk the dog”

You may also forget why you stood up to go get something, (scissors, a letterhead, a stamp) in the first place. This is why we need to have all our essential tools within easy reach to avoid self-interruptions. The trick is you do not have to leave your chair to go get it.

Office Layout

In a study done to identify the most productive office environment the following four components were noted:

• A minimum space of 10 ft by 10 ft
• A door you can close
• A phone you can turn off
• A minimum of 30 square feet of open desk space (meaning desk space with no computer, phone or lamp on it)

The most effective desk configuration is a U. At the bottom of the U, place your computer. One side of the U is for project work or tasks that take about one hour or so to complete. The other side of the U is for those crisis/interruptions that take minutes to complete such as faxing a letter, filling up a form or opening the mail. If you cannot have a U configuration, an L is the second-best layout, with the computer at the junction of the two arms. The third best layout is two parallel desks. The least efficient layout is a straight line.

Open desk space

Keep mementos to a minimum. You need room to work. This is the reason we head for the kitchen or dining table when it is cleared after a meal so we can do our projects at home.

Interruptions versus Concentration

Suggestions to improve productivity:

• Close the door and mute the phone. Studies show that a project that would take an hour to complete if you are not interrupted takes about four hours to complete if you are.

• Create a fake door. Hang a “Do not disturb” sign across the entrance of your cubicle so coworkers will honor it.

• Forward your calls to someone else or unplug it. Use voice mail or answering machines.

• Do project work in a quieter space like a conference room, an empty office or at home.

• If your office allows you to wear headphones, play a CD or tape of waves to drown out surrounding noise and increase concentration.

Four “must-haves” for every Cockpit

• A desktop file
• An In box
• A To-Read box
• A To-File box

The desktop file contains current files used daily. These are projects your are working on at the moment, clients you are currently working with, references used daily, and repetitive tasks performed daily like fax and email. Current projects/clients, Frequently repeated tasks, directories you use everyday, and blank fax cover sheets should be in your desktop file.

The desktop file at home: (place near a huge trash can)

Categories

• Bills to pay
• Things to file
• Things to read
• Things to take to office
• One for each family member

The In Box

Everything new goes into the In Box. There are two In Box rules:

• Allot a minimum of one hour each day to deal with all the new information you receive.

Don’t forget the virtual inbox such as email, faxes, voice mail, cell phone messages, etc. also other items where you place newly received information like your purse, bag or the front passenger seat of your car.

Whether you are a morning person or a night person, the time to attack the In Box is when you are sharpest and most alert. Make it a routine time each day.

• Once you take something out of the In Box it should go someplace else. Every In Box must be emptied by the end of the day.

The To-Read Box

We seldom get around to reading everything we put aside to read. How do you purge? Take everything out of your To-Read box, select the three to five most important materials to read and put them back in the box, and throw the rest in the trash.

The higher a stack of In Box files and To Read files, the more guilt is piled on your self day after day. If you have more than three inches of files in these boxes, you will be overwhelmed by a stack of guilt you simply cannot bear to look at.

The To-File box

How often do you file? As soon as your To-File box becomes full.

The Rest of the Tools in your Cockpit

• An Enormous Wastebasket

If the stuff is not needed, throw it away. If it merits a category, file it there. If you have an answer to How Will I Use This? Then file it in the place it will most likely be used.

Note: Crumpled pieces of paper take up more space in a trashcan than flat pieces of paper.

• Pencil holder

One thing you need to learn to throw away: pens that don’t write anymore. We have a bad habit of sticking these pens back in the pencil holder.

• File Folders/hanging folders

Keep a fresh supply on hand so you can add categories as needed.

• Rolodex and Blank Cards

The most efficient system of keeping business cards and contact information is the 360-degree Rolodex. This way you can’t keep piling things on top like with a flat Rolodex. Just file the cards alphabetically, and if you don’t have 20 minutes to sort out your business cards, ask a friend or even a child to help you out.

• Paper versus Electronic Rolodexes

If your system catches a virus, electronic Rolodexes can be very risky. Paper is faster even if it is bulky. Always have a paper backup to your computerized mailing list, so it can be retyped when necessary.

Keep the most recent phone books, white pages, and yellow pages on a shelf near the phone. Keep the most recent copy of your organizational directory within easy reach as well.

• Note Cards/Thank-you notes

In the age of e-mail we find it more meaningful whenever we receive handwritten note cards that congratulate us or thank us. So keep a nice little file of your personal handwritten notes to look at when you’re feeling down, and also a nice supply of blank ones to write on and send out to people whose day you would like to brighten up. Your email message can be easily deleted, but a warm thank-you note will be kept for a longer time.

• Stamps of various denominations, a postage scale, and postage rates chart

If you do all your own mailing, this is an essential timesaver. You won’t have to waste time standing in line at the post office.

Customizing your Cockpit

If you keep borrowing an item, buy one of your own. If you keep getting up to get something to finish the job, bring it back to the cockpit and keep it there. If you always lose your scissors, buy more than one pair.

Stuff you may need in your cockpit:

• A comfortable chair
• Good lighting
• A clock
• Paper stand/holder for typing ease
• Business stationery and envelopes
• Special paper, mailing labels, colored paper, certificate paper, etc
• Return address labels
• Telephone
• Computer, fax, typewriter, printer, scanner, copier
• Replacement ink cartridges for the above
• Mouse pad, wrist rest, foot rest (tools for proper ergonomics)
• Floppy disks, Zip disks, Jaz disks, blank CDs
• Stapler and stapler remover
• Tape (regular, double-sided, masking, duct)
• Rubber bands
• Paper clips
• Correction fluid/tape
• Calculator
• Hole puncher
• Reference manuals
• Pen/pencil refills
• Scratch paper/sticky notes (in a drawer not on the desktop)
• Calendar