Malaysians wake to a new dawn

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The rocket to the moon of the eye of JUSTICE!

Elections on the 8th March.
It was just another day for me except that I wore a yellow kebarung and chose a yellow t shirt for hubby. Bersih I said to him, we want Bersih and yellow is the Bersih color! To work in the morning, afternoon had a quick lunch and then to the polling station . Got home in the late afternoon and was pretty restless and unable to get any work done .

At 7.30 pm the election news started to come in . TV1 and TV 3 gave one sided biased reporting so hubby switched to Astro Awani which was much better. Still it was too slow so we went to the Malaysiakini website and watched the results come in ( they had 5 mirrors up and a stripped down version ) and before I went to bed at 3 am , 7 of my friends and acquaintences had become YB s- elected members of their constituents !!

Even up till now I have not managed to get down to writing my book again. I am still too excited and thirsty for whatever bits of information that will reveal to me the shape of things to come.
Yet, the rational part of me knows that only time will reveal the future and my seeking to understand and know the future is futile for the future is what the future will be. All I can do for now is to keep working as I have always been doing , right whatever wrongs within my capacity and within my circle of influence.

Today I feel hopeful for Malaysians and Malaysia .I never thought the day would come when Malaysians could without fear almost vote out a government that had been using sticks and threats to keep in power, not listening to the voice of the people , manipulating the press for their own purpose , repeating propaganda ad nauseum !

What I could hope for now is that these tactics they used, which has been proven to be inefective in keeping them in power will be cast aside now that they know it does not work.

You may be wondering why I am still so hopeful inspite of seeming so ordinary , going about my life as if nothing special had happened.

It is for this reason:

Malaysians from all walks of life, from all races , from all religions walked to the polling stations and voted for justice and truth.

They voted not along racial lines, they voted for voices of reason, they voted for the orpressed and the wronged . Muslims voted for a predominantly Chinese party, Chinese and Indians voted for an Islamist party for they knew, the common platform was justice and peace as well as a life worthy of our country's vast earnings which had not been reaching the Rakyat. Thus the impossible coalition is now possible: DAP PAS AND PKR have reached the mellowness and maturity to sit down and talk , communicate on common goals and common grounds.

The Rakyat has decided! I ask for Prayers that we are guided always by the principles of Justice and Truth and will always be guided by God in our decisions .

To quote a letter from Azly Rahman on Malaysiakini

Back to the Malaysian Revolution of 2008. It was like the storming of the Bastille in France. Malaysians saw the fall of the four states and the rise of a new 'cybernetic' fourth estate. The broadcast media of the old regime gave way to the new, subaltern media of the revolutionary forces. There was no need to storm and take over Angkasapuri.

Revolutionary ideals and notions of social justice were disseminated far fast, far, and wide through the Internet. Bloggers, columnists, members of MUD (Multiuser Domains), street artists, intellectuals, social activists, and the man and woman on the street were the revolutionary soldiers.

The hegemony of the ruling party has made many skeptical of the same miraculous win as in 2004. ‘Materials, machinery, and media’, as the eminent anthropologist turned politician Syed Husin Ali would say, 'are the foundation of authoritarianism and hegemony'.

I would add that the mind of Malaysians has quietly processed what constitutes truth and justice. Silently the revolution got underway; a revolution of the mind aided by digital communication technologies spearheaded by bloggers who evolved into ‘blogo-ticians’.

More from Malaysiakini:

2008 polls - interesting facts

Mar 10, 08 6:20pm

Barisan Nasional only gained about 51 percent of the popular vote from the 7.9 million ballots cast on Saturday. However, it took 63 percent of the seats contested - or 140 of 222 seats in Parliament. Interestingly, its peninsula-wide popular vote was only 49.79 percent, which effectively means that the opposition received the majority vote in this part of the country. However, when converted to parliamentary seats, BN has 85 of the constituencies in the peninsula, while the opposition bagged 80. Almost 40 percent of the BN's seats are in Sabah and Sarawak - 55 out of 140. In 2004, BN won about 64 percent of the popular vote nationwide and 92 percent of the 219 parliamentary seats on offer then. As the dust settles on the 12th general election, we highlight a number of quirky facts and figures. Election trivia · The youngest candidate was PKR’s Nik Nazmi Nik Ahmad, who is 26. He defeated Seri Setia incumbent Seripa Noli Syed Hussin. · The oldest candidate was grandma Maimun Yusuf, 89, who contested in the Kuala Terengganu parliamentary seat. She lost her deposit. · 56 also-rans from opposition parties and independent candidates lost their deposits after failing to secure one-eighth of the votes cast. · The largest majority was won by DAP’s Teresa Kok against BN’s Carol Chew, by 36,492 votes in the Seputeh parliamentary seat in Kuala Lumpur. · The smallest majority was just 14 votes for BN’s Hamdi Abu Bakar who beat Abu Bakar Haji Hussain of PAS in the Pengkalan Baharu state seat in Perak. · Four pivotal players in the Lingam tape scandal also won: Loh Gwo Burne (who recorded the footage), Wee Choo Keong (lawyer who represented VK Lingam’s brother during the inquiry) and R Sivarasa and Sim Tze Tzin (listed as witnesses but eventually not called). All four are from PKR. · There will be two ‘lone rangers’ in Parliament: Zulhasnan Rafique, the sole BN survivor in Kuala Lumpur’s 11 parliamentary seats - he took Setiawangsa; and DAP’s Chong Chieng Jen who won Bandar Kuching in Sarawak - the remaining 30 parliamentary seats went to BN. · The biggest number of candidates was in the Sukau state seat, Sabah, where eight candidates ran, including five Independents. Debutant politicians Prominent blogger Jeff Ooi - whose campaign was done online and funds were raised through his website - won the Jelutong parliamentary seat in Penang for DAP. Other bloggers are Tony Pua (DAP, Petaling Jaya Utara parliamentary seat), Elizabeth Wong (PKR, Bukit Lanjan state seat) and Nik Nazmi Nik Ahmad (PKR, Seri Setia state seat). Civil society activists who succeeded were Charles Santiago (DAP, water-privatisation issues), Edward Lee (DAP, local community), Elizabeth Wong and R Sivarasa (PKR, human rights). Biggest blows The losses in BN component parties will result in vacancies in various ministries, forcing a cabinet reshuffle. Ministers · S Samy Vellu (Works Ministry) · Shahrizat Abdul Jalil (Women, Family and Community Development Ministry) · Zainuddin Maidin (Information Ministry) · Abdul Aziz Shamsuddin (Rural and Territory Development Ministry) Deputy ministers · Chia Kwang Chye (Information Ministry) · G Palanivel (Women, Family and Community Development) · Tan Chai Ho (Home Ministry) · V Veerasingam (Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs Ministry) · S Sothinathan (Natural Resources and Environment Ministry) · Donald Lim (Tourism Ministry) · Fu Ah Kiow (Internal Security Ministry) · M Kayveas (Prime Minister’s Department) Parliamentary secretaries · Chew Mei Fun (Women, Family and Community Development Ministry) · P Komala Devi (Education Ministry) · Lee Kah Choon (Health Ministry) · Ng Lip Yong (Plantation Industries and Commodities Ministry) · S Vigneswaran (Youth and Sports Ministry) · Rahman Ibrahim (Home Ministry) · Dr Mohd Ruddin Ab Ghani (Science, Technology and Innovation Ministry) · Yew Teong Look (Federal Territories Ministry) The full team from the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry all lost in the polls. All top MIC leaders were wiped out - president, deputy presidents, two vice-presidents, women's chief and youth chief (one of the three vice-presidents, KS Nijar, did not contest). Post-election quotes Anwar Ibrahim, PKR de facto leader, quoted in Star today Some mentris besar in the past spent half-a-million ringgit to renovate their offices. Such things cannot be an example in this new administration. Nurul Izzah Anwar, Lembah Pantai MP at a press conference yesterday (On whether she will vacate the seat to force a by-election so that her father, Anwar Ibrahim, can re-enter politics after a five-year ban): I have already started working in my constituency. The question does not arise. PPP president M Kayveas, quoted in Star today Prior to the elections, Barisan Nasional had kept on telling people to show their dissatisfaction through the ballot box. Now they have really shown it. And this from a loser: Sungai Petani losing BN candidate Zainuddin Maidin,(click on this to hear him talk to Al Jazeera) quoted in Star today It is not that they love PKR or PAS more that they voted against me. The Chinese showed their resentment because of the economic backlash they often complained about. So, PAS and PKR should not be overly proud of their win (in Kedah). The people may have to pay a price for their decision. Some more firsts! For the first time in the history of General Elections in Malaysia, an ISA detainee, M. Manoharan won the seat at DUN N.48 Kota Alam Shah with a thumping majority of 7,184 votes. There were 17 candidates (opposition) who were current ISA detainee or ex-ISA detainee in the 12th General Elections. 14 out of 17 won the seats that they contested!

Self Esteem

Studies show that at least 85% or more of the world's people suffer from some degree of lacking self-esteem. Although one might think that such challenges are only characteristic of the poor, uneducated, or lower socio-economic members of society, people from all walks of life can suffer situational or more widespread challenges with their levels of self-esteem. Dr. Joe Rubino

A young lady I saw a few days ago could not study. She attributed it to boredom. As we talked , the impression I got was it was about self esteem and poor self image.

A gentlemanI met preferred to date girls well below his social status. As we talked I realised it was about self esteem. A great surprise to me since he was intelligent , refined and well educated.

What is this internal evaluation that we tend to skewer and why. Some answers are in Dr Joe's article which you can reach by clicking the link above and perhaps when I have the time I will expand this entry

Family shots

Ainayya and Nurul Hana

Futya Hanan and Grandma Suriya

Futya is Ainayya's little sister. At six months she can sit, crawl and climb.

The Winning Mindset

This is a presentation I made for Pesta Minda Terengganu. Click on the image to see the presentation!

Effective Influencing and Leadership

From my module Coaching for senior managers:

Our families give us a lot of advice and beg us to do them and we don't do them. Our friends give us a lot of advice and we don't do them. Our colleagues and bosses provide us with a lot of training and advice and we still don't do them. What is the missing link? What is it that can make us do what we know? What is it that stops us from doing what we know?

The missing link is coaching which creates self awareness and makes the person become self responsible and self motivated .

When a manager knows how to coach, a manager helps the worker to want to do what is needed by making the worker self aware and remove the internal barriers that prevent the worker from performing . In so doing the worker becomes self empowered , self starting and self responsible which lightens the load of the manager and makes the unit excellent .


Changes in mindset make coaching the best approach for the XYZ generation.

Older generation are used to the authoritarian style. They are those born in 1950s . They are very good and capable leaders and run their organizations very well. They become even better when they learn how to become coach leaders.

Present generation workers born in 1980's to 1990s question authority and need to know why , want to use their own ablities. This will include the youngest staff members . They will be seen by older generation leaders as unmotivated and lacking discipline. In actual fact they are just as motivated and disciplined , only they need a leadership style that is more coaching and they need to know why .
Failing to leaverage on initiative of the workers is a loss to the organization and will cause a lot of resistence due to the nature of the XYZ generation who are no longer motivated only by earning a living .

Dr Suriyakhatun Osman
Holistic Leaders Sdn Bhd

Doc Su's skewed sense of humour

A true story embellished a little for the sake of drama.....


Sleeping in the afternoon may have its downside if you are are too tired because you wake up kind of groggy with an ill sense of humor . Woe is the one exposed to this humor.

One afternoon after Doc Su woke up from her nap , a hapless young man of twenty reported sick
Full of drama he exclaimed ," I woke up this morning to a gripping pain in my stomach which made me unable to get up and go to work.

Looking at his nonchalant face , lacking in expression except for the drama in his voice , Doc Su doubted the story and examination proved fruitless in exacting the cause of the gripping pain he claimed to have.

" Do you smoke?"

"Oh indeed I do , naturally!"

Doc Su thought irritably ..So young men today think smoking is natural?

"How many cigarettes per day?"

"Oh the usual , 12 per day , quite normal. I have been smoking a long time!

He must have started when in school !

"That is a lot of cigarettes how much do they cost?"

Doc Su probably thought making him realise the high cost may make him come to his senses.

"Only RM 2/-"

"That cheap ? "( Only yesterday another patient had mentioned RM 8 per pack of 14 )

"I smoke the Indonesian brand it is available in many stores"

"You mean the smuggled ones that are banned and may be dangerous because of its chemical contents ?"

"Yes , I believe so." The young man said , still in his confident man of the world tone of voice.

" That may cause some form of gastritis."

The young man looked incredulous. " Smoking can cause gastritis?"

Doc Su was not in the mood for long explanations,"Ok I have one thing to request from you ."

"Yes what is it?"

"Please do not get married."

"Why not?"

""You may leave behind a young widow, maybe with young children but then again maybe not since the cigarettes may lower your fertility to the point of no fertility." (Had she not been in a "short speech" mood she may have added that bit about the toxic secondary smoke affecting his wife and children if he got married.....)

Looking bit startled and puzzled the youth said to Doc Su.

"Aren' t you going to advice me on my smoking?"

Thinking that perhaps the cigarettes had addled his brain Doc Su replied

"I just did advice you. I advice you not to get married" Mind you, Doc Su had a very serious and earnest expression on her face as she was talking to the young man.

"Thank you", said the puzzled youth as he left the room......

--

post script


Several points to ponder


1.Smoking is a hazard to health even with the regular brands that are imported the legal way

2. Raising the price of cigarettes make those who cannot afford seek cheaper alternatives

3. Cheaper alternatives are more dangerous alternatives


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Tie a yellow ribbon

FOR JUSTICE AND FAIRNESS AND FREEDOM!!!

I see you see me

I almost did not open the email not recognising the sender and thinking it could be spam but the title seemed familiar. At first I was not sure if I wrote it since I did not save what I had written on an email and , I did lose a lot of what I composed via crashed discs etc....


...........................
K wrote to me on email:

Some time ago you posted the below poem in your email in a discussion. Do you know who wrote it? It has meant so much to me.

K

A Healer

I see you see me and I see me in you
I hear you hear me and I hear me
I see you and I see the Divine
I glow and I bask in the Light of Awareness
I feel the Love of your compassionate heart
The comfort of the safe haven you created
The Presence

my reply

I wrote it. I was describing what happens when a person is present to us. When we sit with someone who listens deeply and mirrors all that is beautiful within us and we see that beauty in us and become healed . Also the person is healing because he/she is centered in the heart , the seat of love and compassion and the feeling of this is comfort and love, like when we are in the arms of a loving mother but even more so. The source for this light is the God and the depth of the person is reflecting to us their connection with the Divine and being with this person makes us deeply aware of God.

I write such prose without much thought since it flows out and I do not even keep a copy of what I write sometimes , and that is why I was not sure at first but upon reflection and knowing how I see what it means to be a healing presence and the style seems to be mine.

PS
If you had seen Dr House , the latest ( download via Torrents) about a man who lost his memory and therefore had almost no opinion and no bias , he became a perfect mirror for whoever was with him and the person with him was able to see themselves in this patient ( Elliot). So the essential ingredient of being this perfect mirror, this healer and this coach that creates self awareness is stillness of the heart, and no judgement .

The Mom Song Sung to William Tell Overture with Lyrics

All mums and all mummy's children would appreiciate this!

The Prophet's sayings

"Meditation in God is my capital.

Contemplation of God is my
companion.

Reason is the root of my religion.

Love is the foundation of my existence.

Truth is my salvation.

Submission to the Divine Will is my pride.

Knowledge is my garb and virtue.

Worship is my habit. Grief is my friend.

Enthusiasm is the vehicle of my life.

And my utmost happiness lies in prayer."

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)

I AM A MUSLIM!

This video does a lot to dispell stereotypes. Perhaps Asian Muslims can do another one to show how diverse Muslims are

Do you still remember?

Ku Nur Hanim

Hubby, daughter Hana and Ku Bahadur

My mum and Mak Tuan

I visited a very old friend and her parents this Hari Raya. I had been thinking a lot about old friends and had longed to make contact with many of them. You might say it had something to do with my deep desire to communicate and to make contact in a deep way with people .
This lead me to reminenesce about my childhood and my childhood friends .

I used to live at 1242 Jalan Changkat off Jalan Gasing Petaling Jaya.

My earliest memories of PJ was when I was 3 years old , I remember mum bringing home a baby sister whom I immediately wanted to carry , I did carry her, my mum screamed which made me drop baby sister, luckily, on to the bed. This was before we moved to the government quarters at Jalan Changkat.

Bukit Gasing or Gasing Hill was one of our haunts, and so was the rubber treed area that became a jungle on Gasing Hill. I remember trekking in this 'jungle' and getting lost for a bit..what an adventure! I was with cousin Zamil and my sister Salina and a few others whose names elude me now. At other times I climbed Gasing Hill after school with friends . I remember Din, Hanim and Ayee.

Hanim, I remember going to your house just too often . My parents used to have to go fetch me because I did not want to go back. I constantly sought you out and knew all your sisters well. I enjoyed meeting you again after 20 years or more!

Do you remember? There was that slope in front of my house wherewe used to drag an old grass mat up the little slope and then we gleefully slid down the slope while on the mat. It was our version of a sled I suppose.

How about the times we wheeled our bicycles up the long sloping road that lead to my house and then rode the bicycle down this slope not needing to paddle ..what a joy ride!

Where are you Din? I remember the ubi kayu moden trees in your compound and playing police and thief in the tree tops! How lost you were when your Mum died in an accident. I was in std 3 and you were in std 4. My heart went out to you that day of the funeral . Your mum was the kindest lady I knew then. She did not have a bad word for anyone and all her friends loved her. Pakcik Rahim was devastated.

I was the youngest in our group and was often bullied , what with being a cry baby and so very gullible . I think it was out of a need for my friends that I continued to join my friends inspite of all the bullying. I was the eldest in my own family and had no older brothers and sisters , so my friends became my older brothers and sisters.

I also remember Abang, Intan's brother, Where are you Intan? Remember how we used to climb up the top shelves of the built in cupboard of the government quarter houses we used to stay in? Then we jumped joyfully onto our beds below! It was our version of the joyrides that are now in the theme parks I suppose. It is a wonder non of us got hurt! Abang, I almost forgot your name Azmil Mustafa until I saw you acting in the film Ali Setan. How could I forget your distinctive features? I never met you again but from time to time I hear about you . You no longer act I know, you are now a pendakwah!

Rehman Rashid, I still have a photo of you and Rafiq . I had my arms around both you and Rafiq , I was in the middle in this photo. I do not remember much about you and the last time I saw you , you were a handsome and witty young man from the debate team that came from MCKK to TKC , I was in form five then, and how I admired not only your good looks but your wit and style . I googled your name and found you even have a wikipedia entry. Auntie Rosnah your mum called me when my daughter Maryam was getting married , she congratulated me and sent her regrets that she could not come to the wedding. My mum had invited her.

When I remember my childhood, from long ago, I realise that people had time for each other back then. We enjoyed each other's company, we appreciated each other. My parents had deep friendships that have survived up till now for my mum keeps in touch with all her old friends, some of whom she had known from even before she was married. What has happened to us now , that we get so immeresed in our work that our only friends are our colleagues at work and those we meet in meetings, be they NGO meetings or business meetings?

Then there are those yearly Hari Raya gatherings where we meet for a short while our relatives , some we meet yearly only for Hari Raya . What superficial talk we engage in , hardly getting to know each other or engaging one another in a deep way. I feel sad that we do not really have the time nor do we even have a desire or interest in other people.

I was just lamenting to my daughter that when we go shopping in the supermarket , we are all busy and so focused on our shopping that the crown around us appear invisible and we do not interact with these strangers. It is as if people are invisible to us, we do not look at faces, we do not see their persons nor are we interested in them. I sometimes ask myself , so why do we need these new bags and new shoes for ? Is it to impress people? What people since nobody notices you most of the time....the words of an old Beatles song keep playing in my mind..
All the lonely People...........

Lonely people shopping

Again , it was out of a need to deeply engage with people that I joined My Space. I was utterly disappointed indeed when most of the people who made contact wanted to pick up ...aaargh, could they not see my age? Sheesh , my daughter said, Mum maybe they want a sugar mummy...! Only one person who read my Bio has engaged with me in a way that is meaningful and I hope I have added value to his life and I certainly feel he has added value to mine.

End of rant......sigh.....

To be relevant

The three year old child was irritating me by her pushing a chair to sit next to me. She sat gawking at me and the computer screen in front of me. She tried to help her little sister open her mouth , of course that made her sister shut her mouth even tighter! Her mama without lifting a finger said innefectively ," Rina, no, don ' t do that . Rina will you please take that chair back to its place."
Rina did not budge, instead she moved the chair even closer.

I tried to put aside my irritation, I tried instead to understand .This child, like all human beings wanted attention. She wanted to be noticed , she wanted to be useful , she wanted to be relevent.
We all do!

I focused my attention on her, tousled her hair and smiled at her, giving her something of what she needed and wished that I did that more often, focus attention on a fellow human, recognise their need to be relevent and make them feel relevent .

I wish also that more people realised I too have a need to feel relevent , that I matter and I am worthy, worthy of your love and your attention and at the same time I know, the closer I draw to God, the less I need this assuarance for, I would have transcended this need and instead be an extension of the Universal consciousness that bears witness to all and is present to all that is in the MOMENT!

Cat Stevens - If you want to sing out

There is hope yet, if you learn to understand that there really IS a million different ways to be and to do!

If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out

If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

[Chorus:]
You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
you see ah ah ah
its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are

[Chorus]

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are

Cat Stevens

Balancing our energy centers

Can you help how you think and feel? Can you change your thoughts or do you never even try?
Have you ever wanted something so badly that you thought it is a need? Or , is that thing you wanted so badly showing you there is something you need to fill a vacuum within your being?

Being human is being able to observe youself and your thoughts as well as your emotions and being able to make adjustments to correct the energy imbalances.

Consider the following, some are my own observations, some have been expounded in scientific journals or health articles and , if you cannot agree with anything I write seemingly as facts, feel free to disagree.

When we crave for sugar , it is not sugar that we lack but proteins.

When we feel we need to eat more often than is healthy, it is not because our stomach is empty but because our life has an emptiness which we need to fill with the sensual pleasure of eating.

If you want to watch or read only happy endings and scenes of murder and mayhem disturb you beyond the ordinary , it is because you yourself are looking for that happy ending and view your life in the future tense and do not live in the present. It could also be you are an idealist who cannot understand why there needs to be such cruelty in human existence.

Obsessively thinking about someone or something or obsessively engaging in some activities at the expense of other activites create imbalances in your energy centers which in turn affects your effectiveness as a human being . I am referring to those who are in love or think they are, those who focus on sex , those who focus on food , those who glue themselves to the telly , those who spend all their free time on a computer game or a hobby to the exclusion of other areas of focus.

So how do we gain a balance? How do we complete ourselves being that we are such creatures of impulse emotion and thought, when we are such creatures of habit and reflexes? How do we change when all our indulgences make us lose our health and thus our energy which in turn makes us even more helpless to change?

There is this D word which I really am at war with. I constantly battle with the D losing it, and then regaining it , and then losing it again the next time a tempest of emotion affects me . My constant battle with the D makes me resent people who work like clockwork , have routines that create balance .It makes me look with horror when people indulge in eating orgies at buffet dinners and lunches and especiallyRamdhan buffets (you fast all day , your tummy has been without food or drink for more than 12 hours and suddenly you come face to face with drinks of all flavours and food of such myriad varieties and taste that you wish you were in heaven and can eat all you want without facing the consequences...alas for the limitations of this embodiment!) It makes me exclaim with amazement when they tell me they take mee maggie for sahur and never take their vegetables. It makes me feel sorry for those who do not have 5 daily prayers to reorientate and rebalance their energy centers.

The D word I mean is discipline. Discipline is when you go against your inclinations and fight your thoughts and emotions to do that which will move you towards a constant increase in capacity and realisations and performance as a human being. It is what will help you perfect your soul for nothing elses matters in the end . The sweet fruits of discipline will yield pleasure and satisfaction beyond your wildest dreams and fill you with bliss beyond that which you think possble.

Of course having Discipline is not enough. One must also have the knowledge to know what needs to be done . Like for example, the sugar craver needs to know that what is needed is to take more balanced meals with adequate proteins and complex carbohydrates.

The lovelorn love sick need to address their needs for the beloved by focusing on improvng themselves not merely to impress but to harness the energy of love to transform themselves.

And so on and so forth....I could go on explaining but I think you get the picture.

Alignment

When you read what someone writes , about their beliefs and their ideals , sometimes you fall in love with them for the pure sweet thoughts that flow from the depth of their soul. You read the words and they ring so true that it hits a chord in your own heart and you recognise the beauty of their soul as it mirrors all that is beautiful in your own. Then you get to know them from what other people say about them, and then you see how they behave, the words they use, and their actions and you get puzzled . You are puzzled because what they believe in , their ideals do not match how they really are in real life. Either you get dissillusioned or , you get disappointed, you lose your hero or heroine or like me you understand their humanity . You understand that they long to be that which is in their soul but life and its circumstance have made them what you see of them , You see that it does not tarnish the beauty of their being , but that all they need to learn , and they have their whole life ahead of them, be it short or long , to learn to align their inner convictions with their actions. If they do not manage to do so by the time they close their eyes , by the time their embodiment ends, then they would have lost the oppurtunity to be a fully realised human being , and that is the greatest loss a human can ever experience.

Kok Soon

This is Kok Soon. He was my daughter Hana's classmate. He is now a fourth year medical student at Malayan U.

I have known him since he was a small child. He used to come to the clinic when he was ill to get treatment from me.

It was on one of these visits that I asked him what he would like to do after his SPM . I cannot remember his answer but I think he said he wanted to take a degree in science. It was then that I asked him , why don 't you take up medicine. The idea seemed too far fetched for him at that time .

I then said that all he needed was to go to the Matriculation College and work really hard to score the maximum of four flat and he would definitely get a place to do medicene.
Sometimes when we plant the seed of possibility , we never know the tree that will grow from it, the flowers thatwill bloom from it and the ripe succulent fruits that will be offered to others from the sturdy tree out of the seed of possibility.

He did go to Matrics and he did score four flat and he did get a place to do medicine
For the past few days he has been doing an attachment at my clinic.

It has been my pleasure to have him tag along seeing cases with me.

When I had visitors from overseas and brought them sightseeing around town , I realise I will start seeing my town through their eyes and begin to appreciate things that I had taken for granted.

When I had Kok Soon seeing cases with me , I began to appreciate the skills I had collected over the years of seeing cases. All the things I did that I had taken for granted took on a new perspective as I saw them through his fresh enthusiastic young eyes.

The shy awkward youth I knew when he was in secondary school had grown even taller , no longer awkward but gracefully charming .His shyness had transformed into a quiet confidence.

I will always remember how he used to come after Chinese New Year bringing me Mandarin oranges in his duffel bag which he took out one by one to place on my table saying to me
'"This is for you Dr."

May God bless and guide you to be the best doctor possible Kok Soon , you do me proud.

My children, it does not mean I love you or appreciate you any less . I know each of you is special and unique and all of you are sturdy trees that others can take the lovely fruits from.

The Nature of Harm

"Tis the nature of harm to scurry in trenches already dug, its rivulets deepening its draught and widening its bore in a scurrilous way; though inconsiderate and ostensibly inanimate, its effect denotes purpose, though that may through echo have belonged to another from long ago, an even forgotten owner."

Thus wrote a friend in a post on his blog here.

I wonder if he knows how aptly he has described how our internal wounds keep getting deeper and wider until we reach rock bottom? It is as if the wounds within keep up a chorus , repeating, repeating and playing back to us its message of gloom doom and depair. The original wounds need not even be our own as we inherit via scripting deep emotions from our parents and those who are within our environment when we are growing up. More so when the adults around us are wounding presences. When we are little we absorb and take on these burdens like sponges and make them our own wounds and burdens and then we carry it with us, weighing ourselves down with it in our life's journey , adding to it from time to time from our own personal experiences more hurts , more wounds to 'scurry in trenches already dug' as Simon wrote.


A not so poetic analogy I could think of is how an abscess developes and grows, eating its way at the margins and pushing its way until it makes for itself a path to the outside skin and bursts , or makes its way to blood vessels and cause untold damage pouring its poisons into the bloodstream.

Yet this the nature of things , this is how it happens and this is how we are.

Most of us scurry along in the corridors of life doing what we think needs to be done , adapting ways and devising mechanisms to lessen the pain .

Defense mechanisms:
Some encase themselves in shells, some develop thorns, some withdraw into a secret garden within, protecting their private thoughts from any intrusions , some turn to the pleasures of the flesh , to drink , to drugs . Yet others seek a healing and some find solace in religion, in hobbies, in work , yet all the time , the harm is making its course , cutting its way deeper and deeper into the depth our our being.

Unless we find a way to heal ourselves . But healing ourselves is not easy for we first have to throw the light of consciousness into the dark realms of our Being . It is in itself painful. Not the dull pain that we have gotten used to and adapted to but a pain so searing and intense that we would want to avoid this pain. The problem being avoiding and postponing the examination makes the problem worse...like discovering a cancer too late....

I had worked through this pain. It was like being in a dark long tunnel not seeing the light at the end wondering if there was any light at all or, was it pain all the way? I found out it was not pain all the way, there was light but try telling me there was light when I was in the dark tunnel. Try telling me then that it had an end. Only faith had kept me going , faith and knowing that there was no other way around the pain except through the pain.

Looking good and awakening passion

I have dropped one dress size and probably can drop a few more when I am done.


What has made it easier to shed my excess bagage was my daughter's detox meals she prepared for me and several of her clients for the fasting month. It is not easy to take because this first week it is a very low salt diet but she promises me it will get easier . I am however beginning to get used to it and there is an added bonus of tastebuds becoming more sensitive to the subtle flavours which the salt used to mask. There is an analogy here about the food. I think focusing on eating masked something that genuinely wanted to find expression within me , and removing food as a focus unmasked it. Now , removing salt is unmasking something that was always there in the food but could not be appreciated by me because of the salt. I wonder how much in our lives we have masked with something and therefore fail to benefit from the blessing that we could not recognise?

I had succeeded in getting myself to a size ten two years after my last child was born , then, after getting quite ill with endometrioisis , going on hormones , I regained the weight I had lost and more! From time to time I would get upset over it and then lose a few kilograms only to get it back whenever I had a training to do or to attend . We Malaysians eat so many times when we attend meetings at hotels. Once I had invited a lecturer from the UK to give our three day International workshop and she commented , you people eat as many times as I would take a walk! I had to accompany her for a walk down the dusty, smokey roads of old KL simply because she did not like being cooped up in the hotel even though I had protestd that her notion of getting some air was misguided in view of the pollution!

I have another reason for self sabotage, ie for not getting myself into normal weight , being content with a BMI just oustide of the normal range . When I succeeded in reducing my weight to normal, I found my physical energy increased. I had more strength, I could walk more, I could run up the stairs and shop without getting aching feet. And then , I also found my emotions began to create havoc. I was not the staid , serious , no nonsense , sensible person that I thought I was. Steadily plodding along doing what needed to be done out of duty and all. With the energy increase, I began to feel a need for action. I used up some of that energy doing aerobic workouts but this did not seem enough and I did not know what to do with emotions running high and causing me to laugh one minute and feel a depth of sadness the next. I think this is what finally developed into my endometriosis and the severe pain that came with every menses. I had to take hormones which brought my weight up again. I later stopped taking hormones , put myself to work studying endometriosis until I came up with a method to treat the disease using homeopathic remedies . The thesis I wrote can be found here.

As I mentioned earlier , I am quite a survivor . No matter how badly broken I am inside of me, I plod on , I try to find answers, I do not give up on myself , on God and on humanity, even though outwardly you would find me distant or flat or indifferent.Through it all I kept doing things to improve myself , read, take courses, attend workshops , bring up my children while all the time having so much pain within me in my physical and emotional bodies.

My breakthrough came when I decided I had enough and wanted to heal. I went to the US, after my husband gave a grudging permission, I studied sufism and spiritual healing, came back to practice what I learned and slowly began to heal from very old wounds buried deep in my soul.

After this , almost every year I travelled abroad to continue my spritual journeys, meet my teachers , meet others on the Path and every time I came back I found some area within my being had changed, I had learned something new , I had internalised some new realisations.

And it is only in the past month that I had found the strength to give up eating to fill a void within me . Perhaps it is not so much a void as a part of me that lay dormant for as long as I filled my belly with food. That part of me is my passion. I know it for what it is now , and perhaps as I am much older now and hopefully much wiser, I will find a way to harness this passion to serve me and to serve my fellow humans better.

With this passion comes a deep longing for a meaningful communication with people I find worthwhile . What is it that prevents this closeness ? Can people not have a meaningful platonic relationship without any need or want for a physical closeness? Perhaps blogging is one way for me to have this depth of communication , as I lay bare my soul for those who care to read. Sometimes after I write something and post it to my blog, I find my heart filled with a sweet joy , and I think to myself, someone somewhere is reading what I wrote and resonating with it and is sending me loving thoughts and I say a prayer of gratitude to my Lord for sending me the sweet love in my heart.