Buckets and Balloons

Be aware of your buckets and balloons! What makes you have a low mood and what picks you up!
This is part of knowing your SELF...............................

Where do I go?

I wrote this in response to a discussion on my old girls list about the relationship between wealth and Phd.'s ...there is none.....

The notion of 'you don t have to go to school to be rich' is from the book 'Rich Dad Poor Dad'.
Actually it is not about making millions either , it is about money management and,an education not in the field of money may mean one is not too money savvy and is likely to make a lot of mistakes re money. Which means if you are smart , it does not mean you are money smart.

Another point to ponder is this:
Abdul Rahman bin Auf, sahabat Nabi was a rich man before he migrated to Medina with the rest of the Muslims. He had to leave all his wealth in Mecca .
He went to Medina with nothing and his 'helper' in Medina lent him some capital , he started a business and again became a rich man.
On the other hand: we have the stories of people who became instant millionaires when their land became valuable and a year later they are poor again, even worse , now without their land.
What does it all mean?
That wealth is a state of being. It does not matter if you are a Phd holder or a school drop out,if you have a wealthy mindset , you will have the wealth.

Having said that, wealth is not something all people aim for or want to work at.
The main question to ask ourselve is:
What do I really want?
What will make me happy?
What will be fulfilling for me?

As I was walking from a restaurant, carrying my beautiful grandchild in my arms , a bundle of lovable joy, I thought to myself.
What is preventing me from being happy right now?
I know what will make me happy. I would be happy if I was my most authentic every moment of my time. If I did what I was doing in the best way .If I treat people the best way I could, if I solved problems in the wisest way possible, if I took my trials with fortitude and patience, learning the lessons and moving on.
Most of all if I spent enough time with my Lord and had the peace within the center of my being, anchoring me in the Haq all the time...

All the rest of the ornaments of life, Phds, money , beauty ...are the dressings......

Postscript:

In some cases, dressings are very important . I do not understimate the importance of dressings.
And perhaps my analogy is not that accurate either ..because money is a tool and a vehicle to attain life's purposes. So too a degree, it too is a tool to gain life's purposes. They are not the goal, they are the means to an end.

Travelling West

I do not think I will be travelling to the West in the near future. Perhaps I have been looking at the wrong websites but it seems to me that Islamophobia is on the rise and many governments and police , airport authorities etc and etc are not thinking rationally. Have we moved back in time? Are we in the Middle Ages...I almost spelt Muddle Ages and perhaps that is what this age is , a Muddle Age.

It is my opinion that many people are getting arrested on mere suspiscion that is not substantiated and many innocents are getting hurt. What about the university student who was selling handphones to pay for his university fees? Just because handphones can be used to detonate a bomb ,does it mean any person with a lot of handphones is involved in blowing up bombs?

And why would two Asians who passed a security check want to blow up a plane and how would they do it without anything that could be used ? Why then remove them from the plane and stop them from flying?

I would rather travel to Muslim countries with a Muslim airline. I would definitely feel safer. This is a feeling and even though it may not be appropriate and perhaps not even rational , I feel it because of the current situations at airports. Orly airport has just closed several Muslim prayer rooms.Luckily they kept a few still open . Prayer rooms and mosques are being viewed as places where Muslim ( synonymous with terrorist) plot to blow themselves up along with whoever is around. Is the world moving back in time? Are we getting polarised and talking about them versus us?

All it took was for a group of men , whoever they were to blow up a plane and a building. This started it of and instead of healing from it there is more and more paranoia.

It does not help that Muslims are also being fed kafirphobia.There are emails flying around of plots to make Muslims eat pork , cola bottles parodying Muslims at prayer and all kinds of nonsensical emails specifically designed to make Muslims hate non Muslims.

Limiting Emotions?

Last month I had an invitation to give a motivational talk to students at a school for girls. It is no ordinary school, there are grills that prevent the girls from running away and they have hostels because it is a residential school. These girls were there because their parents or teachers found them too difficult to handle. What I discovered was that they had a whole bunch issues with themselves and their families .Why did they end up here, prisoners to all intents and purposes?
One consolation was that they were only required to stay for a short duration of one year. Many would come back .When they became too old to be placed in these schools they may end up with this other group....

Yesterday I was at a training camp in Janda Baik, Pahang. This time it was a group assembled by the Pink Triangle NGO and the Jabatan Ugama Islam.There were men and women with problems . Many were HIV positive.What they had in common was that all felt rejected by society for things they felt they could not help . Many had used drugs at one time or another.

I introduced both groups to Emotional Freedom technique..I told the organizers, I was not going to do any preaching, I only wanted to help them come to terms with how they felt. Pictured below the participants practicing their newly learned Emotional Freedom Technique, tapping on the meridian points.

Between needs and wants

While shopping to equip our new office , we tried our best to buy only what was needed. It was not easy to distinguish between the two..how much time do you spend trying to decide between wants and needs...
Why are you reading this blog, is it a want or a need? Why am I writing this , to fulfill a want or a need???

How many times have you heard (or for that matter said yourself) "I absolutely need (fill in the blank)" when in reality the meaning was "I really want (fill in the blank)?" I can't live without those shoes...I will die if I can't have that ring...I simply have to have that car...the list can go on and on. Please don't get me wrong. These are phrases that we all use. That is why it's important to step back and remember that wants and needs are not the same.

Here is a list. Take a few moments to jot down what is a need and what is a want.

1. shoes

2. designer suit

3. water

4. large apartment

5. bed

6. ice-cream

7. car

8. entertainment center

9. club membership

10. lunch

11. concert tickets

12. trip to Hawaii

13. medicine

14. necklace

15. computer

16. daily espresso

17. cellular phone

18. golf clubs

19. furnishings

Unfortunately, the answers to these questions are not completely black and white. What may be a want for one person may be a necessity for another person. For example, let's take a look at a computer. If you make your livelihood on the computer, then a computer is a necessity for you. If you only use a computer to play the latest online games, then it isn't. Knowing this, we can still make some pretty good guesses as to what are wants and what are needs from the above list for most people. Shoes (and clothing in general), water, bed, car, lunch, medicine and furnishings are good bets to be needs. Now that doesn't mean that the latest model, 4 wheel drive sport utility vehicle with all the extras counts as a need for most people, but basic transportation to make a living does.

A large apartment, computer and cellular phone may or may not qualify as a need depending on your particular circumstances while a designer suit, ice-cream, entertainment center, club membership, concert tickets, trip to Hawaii, necklace, daily espresso and golf clubs all probably fall into the want section.

If you can take the time to start being honest with yourself, you will find that a lot of the things which you assumed were an absolute necessity until now are in reality nothing more than wants. Once you distinguish between the two and look at these issues objectively, you have placed yourself in the position to live within your means by simply asking yourself whether or not an item or service you are about to purchase is a need or merely a want.

Copyright (c) 2004, by jeffrey strain

Ainayya Mardhiyah

This is my grand daughter . She crawls now. Her favourite toy is a handphone. She already chewed her Mum's handphone until it no longer works, she has also destroyed Mamu Aiman's headset by sucking on it. My handphone has to be reformated after she had a go at it..and as you can see , she loves to be behind the wheels.
Mami Ai said, she is angelic when she is asleep.

Aimi's USU mind map

You can click on the image to get a clearer view of this mind map. It can be added to of course,perhaps I can use it to coach Aimi later when she has gone to USU so that she remains focused on her goals.

Aimi is going to USU to do medicine. Finally! What a scramble to find her a place to do medicine. But in my mind and heart I could already see Aimi in 5 years from now so I was certain she would be able to get a place. She has has a one track mind about her career , even though it was so difficult to imagine possible when she did not make the grades to go locally and then, she was offered a place to do dentistry instead. In the end though , she got her place , only God knows how that came about! Aimi is leaving this weekend and I will go visit her with Hana when Hana comes back . What a pity that Hana will miss Aimi by a mere 12 hours . We will go visit her Hana when she has settled down.
This is a mind map of the brainstorming session I had with Aimi weighing her benefits, challenges and what she needs to do.

So many milestones

I guess I should be so pleased today!
I am attending Himi's graduation at last..and Aiman's in 3 weeks from now! So 3 graduates in the family already .
Hana is coming back next week and the Light of Healing treatment and training center is going to be ready by next week.
I will be finishing my Professional Certified Coach training by September and Holistic Leaders Sdn Bhd will be getting ready to roll!

Things are moving really...now if only I can get my heart to stop having these palpitations ....ooops Hana not to worry it is getting less already , and will settle down when the family and new companies moves beyond these baby steps......

About Listening

The biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.

-George Bernard Shaw

The Father who did not listen

I was watching an old P Ramlee movie. It was Nasib Si Labu Labi. In one scene , Labu and Labi had gone to see the father of a lady their boss wanted to marry. The short little man was a very pleasant man who was a great talker. He asked them what they were there for and before they could answer he had gone on to speak of other things and everytime Labu wanted to say something, he would interupt and say something else. Finally, Labi caught hold of the gentleman's head and shut the man's mouth with his hand and then Labu was finally able to tell him their mission!

I had thought this could not actually happen in real life until I met a certain Dato. My husband and myself had gone to see him about something and it was the first time we had met him. We probably know more about him , his wife and his job than he knows about us. Perhaps he has even forgotten what we came to see him for . He asked me three times what I did and I told him but he was not listening .He also could not pronounce my name eventhough I told him several times. It reminded me of Daren's father in law in Bewitched since he never got Daren's name right ever!

I suppose such extremes of not listening are not common but then again have we really been listening ?Trainers, counsellors , doctors teachers and parents are very fond of telling people what to do and how to do it. It is a paradigm that most of us probably lived with, that those in authority do all the talking and those who are not , do all the listening.

Listening coaches
People pay a coach to listen to them !Does a coach then have the listening skills to really listen ? What does the coach do with all the listening anyway? Is it enough just to be listened to?

In my opinion, deep listening does more to move a client than anything else combined! In fact without the deep listening, none of the other skills of a coach will be effective enough! You would think such a thing as listening would be as simple as allowing the ear to hear what people are saying but the truth is , it is not so simple !

Seek to understand

When I say something, I may not mean what you think I mean . It is therefore important to clarify what is being said . So many problems result from misunderstandings! Last weekend I got on a taxi at the Wangsa Maju LRT station and told him I want to go to Taman Melawati. In my usual dreamy manner I did not pay attention to his driving and soon found myself in Taman Melati!Whoa! The taxi driver certainly did not seek to understand and was pretty sure he brought me to where I wanted to go! Many of us are like this. We assume we know what the person talking to us meant to say and based on that assumption we act.

One way I seek to understand is by repeating what the person said . I might say something like," Let me get this clear. You said this......Is this what you mean?" How many people you know actually do this? When we argue for instance we just want to drown out the other person's argument by speaking louder than him or her!

One of the activities I am fond of when I do group coaching is to pair people up and get them to listen to each other . They have to spend about five minutes just listening and are only allowed to ask questions to clarify . They could not give their opinions and even when they disagreed with what was being said ,they were told to just listen and seek clarification. Before the activity started I asked each partner to make an affirmation. The listener's affirmation is: I will listen deeply and seek to understand what my partner is saying. I will throw the light of awareness and be a mirror for my partner so they can see what they are saying. As for the talker their affimation is: I will tell my partner the truth from the depth of my heart. I will be as honest as I possibly can and as direct and clear as I can in telling my partner what I want heard. The topic is usually something that the person wants some clarity on.

The results of this activity is usually extremely interesting and for me it is thought provoking . The majority of talkers feel good. They feel listened to and many actually got some insight into what they talked on even for the short duration of five minutes. There was once a fellow who whispered to me after the activity that he got annoyed with the listener echoing everything he said , so one must not over do it in trying to build a rapport. Listeners on the other hand usually feel happy listening because they feel good being of help to their talking partner Once in a while however , I get a disgruntled listener! One lady said she was upset because she had to listen and therefore could not talk. Another said they got upset because they could not interject with their objections.

Body language

In the situation I mentioned above, the lady who did not like to listen folded her arms as she talked when it was her turn to talk. I had taken note of this as I went around observing the actions and body language of the activities couples. When it was time to make comments , she remarked that she liked being listened to eventhough she felt the listener was forced to listen and was not sincere in listening. I also noted when it was her turn to listen, she kept her arm folded eventhough her partner had her arms open and oustretched in front of her as if trying her best to reach out to her listener. To no avail! Up to the end of the session this listener held back and had her arms folded and admitted to not really enjoying being a listener! In the other listening couples at the same workshop I noted there was a lot of mirroring of each other. The listeners leant forward a little , head cocked to one side and their arm and legs sometimes matched the talker . I had not instructed them to do this but the action was pretty spontaneous. When the person is listening, it is not just the ears, the eyes, the body and the heart listens as well.

Our filters.

This lady I alluded to previously is a treasure of examples! When she said she knew the listener was not really interested and was just listening out of politeness , she was applying a filter . It was she herself who listened in this manner and with this filter she saw others. One time when I was driving a car in the afternoon , I put on my sunglasses. It was a long drive on the highway and about an hour later it started to rain. I turned on the headlamps and wondered why it was so dark until I realised I had my sunglasses on. That is what happens when we listen through our filters. We have assumptions that are based on who we are and how we feel about things. This is why I have said self awareness in an important component in listening. It is self awareness that allows us to notice our filter and step aside and not react.

Levels of listening

People listen on many levels.

1. Pretending to listen while actually thinking of something else. What is being said does not register and is soon forgotten
2.Listening without interest in the subject and in the talker.
3. Listening with sincerity and with intention to understand the talker, not only what is being said, also what is not being said, which means understanding the intonation , facial expression and body language.

The third way of listening can only happen when the listener is interested in people. To have an interest in people, a person has to first of all be self aware and present . These are not qualities that come easily to anyone . Most people are not present, they are more likely to be self absorbed . Deep in a thought process that involves and relate to themselves. Thier only interest in other people is where it relates back to themselves.

Do parents listen ?

In a communication workshop recently, I did a role play and in the role play a teenage son was playing an online game and his mum wanted him to throw away the garbage before going to bed. When I asked for 'mothers' to respond, the third mother managed to get the boy to commit to throwing away the garbage. The reason she was able to do so was because she listened to her son. She knew how he thought and she respected what was important to him. Real listening means understanding other people's perspectives even when we do not agree with them. It is saying I hear what you are saying and I know your view point . It sets the stage for the listener to be heard. When parents adopt the authoritarian approach listening is a one way traffic, where parents do all the talking and the children do all the listening.

In a nutshell.

Listening is what most people do not do very well. In order to be a good listener one has to have develope some qualites which include

• empathy,
• an interest in people
• self knowledge and self awareness
• a focus on the present moment and what is being said
• a knowledge of body language and intonation
• a seeking to understand

All these qualities can be consciously developed through knowledge practice and increased understanding. Do you have what it takes?

Koh Samui

EFT Certification course

I learned EFT a few years ago from Dr Tam Lewellyn . It turns out he was Karl's teacher.
Anyway here are some pics from Koh Samui. We had the course at Santiburi Resort..a 5 star hotel which was just too amazingly beautiful.
Lunch was on the beach...The guy just beside me is Karl Dawson and the others are participants.

Communication from the Domain of the Heart.-June Sufi Healing Class

Communication from the Domain of the Heart


Dr Suriyakhatun Osman

http://holisticleaders.com/whois.html


Part One


“*Since the nature of life is action and reaction, every outer experience has a reaction within, and every inner experience has its reaction in the outer life.”*

Aphorims of HIK


The lady who walked into the room in the afternoon looked familiar. In my usual dreamy style , I had forgotten when I 'd seen her last and when I looked at the notes I mistook the date and thought she was coming in for her yearly check when in actual fact she had just been to see me the previous month for inserting an IUD, a contraceptive device. When I asked her how she was and asked if she was coming for her yearly check up , she snapped at me and told me in no uncertain terms that she was the patient who waited a whole hour in the treatment room because I had forgotten about her only a month ago and today she also waited a long time before I finally called her. She then went into a tirade about some other things and she was in a blaming mood, practically blaming everything she could think of on me. Old experienced doctors like me who have been in practice more than 20 years are well respected and I almost never get a patient who found me fare game for such an outburst so this young lady's tantrum shook me up somewhat. I knew I was responsible because with a hundred and one things on my mind, I did do some multitasking and was late calling her in. Half finished on my computer screen was a slide presentation I was preparing about communication and perhaps with the work fresh in my mind I focused on trying to talk to her as honestly and as close to 'Haq' as I possibly could.

I began in a low and calm voice to tell how how sorry I was for all my shortcomings. I told her honestly I could see she was very angry with me and asked her how I could make it up to her. While I was saying this , I focused on my breathing and was speaking to her from the domain of the heart. There was no echoing anger in me, only a great need to mend the situation.

The change in the energy was palpable. Not only did she stop being angry, she started opening up to me, telling me her worries and concerns over her health.

In a spirit of love and intimacy , I finished the examination and her greeting as she left the room was warm and heartfelt .As she left she apologized to me for her outburst. My receptionist told me she was smiling as she left my clinic.

This anecdote that I relate introduces our class for this month, Communication from the Domain of the Heart. How often we find ourselves in situations when we react instead of respond. How often that results in difficult situations and 'dances' that are repeated time and again until we learn not to react but to respond. ? How does one learn to respond rather than to react?



"Murshid, when I come to you I come with a thousand complaints to make.

Why is it that the power of your presence disarms me?"

Murshid: "Because I have disarmed myself."

Anecdotes of Hazrat Inayat Khan Seite 1


Do relate your experiences with such communications , insha allah it will enrich our class for this month

response to a response

Thank you for the responses.

Some patients have a compulsive need to trigger such reactions to reinforce
their rejection pattern.

It is the energy of the other person that we feel . I once caught myself becoming very angry only to realise that it was the key to the remedy the patient needed. The patient was a baby with cereberal palsy who almost never stopped crying . He was already 6 months old when the parents brought him to see me.Soon after he and his parents walked into my room I started becoming angry. He was screaming at the top of his voice and the parents told me this was his usual manner except when he is feeding or sleeping.I took the baby from his mum and gave him to his dad , instructing him to take the baby out to the waiting room and do a zikr,Ya Salam all the time. I then did a breathing exercise with the mum , we can try it now . After the breathing exercise, I got a history from the mum. She had become extremely angry when a doctor remarked to a nurse who was trying to teach her to suckle the baby at the breast while she was warded with the baby when they were investigating his cereberal palsy. He had remarked to the nurse that she was wasting her time because the baby was brain damaged and could not suckle. The mother became very angry but did not say anything . She did manage to breastfeed the baby after this but never stopped being angry up to the moment she was with me.A this point there was a palpable silence because the baby had miraculously stopped crying.

Here is the exercise that we did together.
Focus on your breathing. Do not try to change it but just be aware of it. Observe the in breath and the out breath . Observe how your heart-space feels.In the Quran the heart space is called the "Sadr" and there are many places where it is referred to as expanded or narrowed. How does your "sadr " feel. Is it heavy or expanded or tight or narrow?Is your breathing fast or slow, is it deep or shallow?
Following a quantum physics law, the breathing changes when we observe it. It becomes more regular and deep. We also become calmer and become aware of our emotions. We become aware of the state of our heart-space and probably the reasons why if it is not in an essential state.
The boundaries of the heart-space are the clavicles, the rib cage,the stermum , the scapula and the diaphragm below. Some people may notice that it actually expands to the throat area and the solar plexus area.

Communication from the Domain of the Heart 2

I met an amazing woman this weekend. I was on a beautiful island in Thailand called Koh Samui. Both of us were attending a workshop. This tall Dutch woman walked with a crutch and had to be sent to the lecture room with a buggy.At 54, she was a cripple almost since birth. She lived in hospitals and insititutions because she was almost paralized and had constant fits . The doctors finally diagnosed her has having a form of systemic lupus and told her when she was about 20 that she had only a few more years to live. The drugs they gave her almost paralysed her and she was wheelchair bound. She looked for alternatives and met with an acupuncturist. He said to her, please remove your clothes so that I can examine you. Hearing this she burst out crying for none of the doctors had ever asked her permission to examine her or to subject her to any kind of scrutiny .Another alternative practitioner to whom she was referred to by the acupuncturist worked with her for six years and helped her to stand and walk again.Remarkably, she later met a person who financed her education and training and she then worked as a social worker.She had lived in the US and India and was now living in Thailand. She now called herself by a name her spiritual teacher gave her , Taro.Taro taught me something about the human spirit that I could not have understood had I not met her. I cannot begin to relate what I learned from her because the language of our communication is the language of the heart.This woman had learned to pray for whatever she needed and it would simply come into her life. Although dependent with her disability , she was more independant than many other more mobile people. She was however totally surrendered to guidance from the One.

Communication from the heart is about understanding the still voice from within that guides us and brings to us what we need in our lives. It shows to us our life purpose and guides us to the means to fulfill it.
" Open our hearts that we may hear Thy Voice calling to us from within" Prayer of Hazrat Inayat Khan

In the busi- ness of the day, in all that we do and all that we are occupied with it is the communication and guidance that can turn the time management into a flow of surrendering to the moment . When we learn to communicate with the Divine and are guided from within, our time management changes from coping to directing to thriving

exercise:
Have a look at the chart below and gauge where you are right now.
Use the breathing exercise from the last lesson and place the question in your heart space.
How is my communication with the Divine?
Is my life thriving?

"Whoso believeth in Allah and the Last Day is exhorted to act thus. And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him, (QS. 65:2And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he hath no expectation. And whosoever putteth his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. Lo! Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah hath set a measure for all things. (QS. 65:3)"

From coping	To directing	To thriving
Time management	Information management	Life management
Dependence on the clock	Wise use of the compass	Intuitive guidance
Doing things right	Doing the right things	Being your true self
Lack of self discipline	Personal willpower	Divine will
Learn to say ‘no’	Learn to say ‘yes’	Unlearn, trust intuition, be spontaneous
Managing minutes	Managing months	Surrendering to the moment
Busy-ness	Business	Full participation in life
No time	Free self time	Freedom
Efficiency	Effectiveness	Appropriateness
Out of control	In control	Trusting, letting go
Dominance of ‘work’	Balanced living	Freedom
Consciously incompetent	Consciously competent	Unconsciously competent
Reactive, habitual, instinctual	Proactive, imaginative, intellectual	Intuitive
A focus on doing	A focus on being and doing	A focus on being and serving
Doing what’s urgent	Doing what’s important	Doing what meets the need

Introducing my blogging family

Except for little Ainaiyya who seems to have acquired a song dedicated to her, Ainaiyya Bahibbak, the rest of the family each have a blog...
So meet my family
Jebat , my beloved husband
Maryam my eldest daughter
Hilmi my number two
Sulaiman number three ( we call him Aiman)
Nurulhana number four ( Hana)
Aimi number five.
Hidayat my son in law...

I finally had the time to add their links to my blog template....
If you want to see latest photos go to Aimi's blog.
There is a very touching one of Kakak holding hands with Naruto our persian male cat..Naruto is very attached to Kakak and loves Naiyya but he is a wee bit merajuk maybe because he misses Hidayat who is in Egypt finishing off his studies...
Actually , what am I doing updating my blog and visiting all the blogs even though I may not make any comments when I should be doing my slides for the workshop on the 20th of this month..the one I will be doing in Botha Perak....
Sigh, it is nose back to the grindstone after this...
My body feels pretty ok after going to see Siva to have my foot reflexologied and then to Amanda for deep tissue massage...and of course Hilmi helped as well...
Siva is blind and a truly wonderful massager for foot reflexology..you can find him on the first floor of Wisma Cosway , I found him by chance while searching for the surau after having my coaching session with Micheal who helped me draw up a workshop proposal .

Yes I know I have not done all my rounds and have not dutifully left little notes to tell you I have been for a visit..perhaps after I come back from Koh Samui where I and Hilmi are attending a certification course ....and Aimi is coming along for the ride...we got half price ....hehehe don t ask me how...but I wonder how a wee airplane ride is like....can t remember the last time I rode on one ...but that is what I will be riding tomorrow , Berjaya Air to Koh Samui...
And of course I will indulge in a THai massage next ...

Synchronicity

Last Saturday I was in KL to give a presentation and some tips about emotional intelligence to a group of women whose husbands had been detained without trial , some for the last 5 years.Most of them resonated with what I had to say because they had already reached the point of transcending their victim mentality and were empowered . I was thinking to myself , these women are getting stronger and stronger in spirit , in faith and in wisdom. Adversity has a way of either making or breaking a person but those who have a great deal of faith and a connection to the Divine will transcend their very selves to excel in spirit and this was what I saw in this group of women.

On the way back I found myself in front of Ampang Point and stopped to go to Pay Less Books. Indeed I paid less but I paid quite a lot, RM 180 and among the treasures I brought home was one on Synchronicity by Joseph Jaworski. It was the unlikeliest title for a book about leadership but it was not merely about leadership, it was about surrendering to the inner guidance , about transcending , about understanding the unity of the Universe. He succeeded in establishing the American Leadership forum which up till now trains leaders from all over the US about working together and about being the Servant Leader.
Joseph Jaworski now heads an organization that trains leaders from all over the world called
Generon Consulting

Having had some amazing experiences with the kind of synchronicity he was talking about , I could relate very well to it.
What I have yet to experience is the coming together of like minded people to do something truly transcendental. There is this longing within me of finding the people who share my beliefs and my convictions and who want to bring about the consciousness of a transcendental way of being that is available to each and everyone of us . We do not have to be saints and prophets to experience connection with the Divine neither do we have to be gifted or otherwise superior for in truth we already are. Who will join me in my quest to truly leave a lagacy of love and light to the Nation and to the World ?
The book ended with a quote from Carl Jung

"Invoked or not invoked, God is present"

About Faith

Tiel sent me a note asking me to write something for the Progressive Faith Blog Convention 2006.

I actually got tired of writing on religion but I think Tiel did not mean that when she said write about faith.

But first let us get over the reason I got tired of writing about religion or belief:
Here is something that I experienced that will explain my point: Yesterday I joined a Malaysian online mailing list that had as its title Malaysia Spiritual Society. As I came onboard , I read one of the messsages from a guy who was just leaving. There were the usual oh please don t go, and other comments from others. I do not know what the dispute is really about but the gist of it seemed to be ' My religion is better that yours' and ' There is a big flaw in your religion.' Since this group of ove 100 people is mainly from one religion, with a smattering of members from other religions , there was a predominance of posts on this religion on the list ..which made me wonder at the name ...Oh no, not another religious wrangle or another place where one predominant group overpowers the discussuions....

There is another thing that is really bothering me right now: Since getting entangled in the training business , really , I think with me it is a calling, I have had from time to time been told to Islamize my training. Which put me into a wee dillemma really, not because I am not Islamic, I should think my words and deeds shout out Islam but because the material I was using was in my perspective very Islamic . My perspective said that all the material were principles that are embedded in Time . They were Universal Laws that had been put into place by the Eternal One.
Yet when asked to 'Islamize it' , I did . I took hadith and Quranic verses relevent to the topics and used them but I could not find the Muslim authors to quote because most of the material on these Universal laws were not written by Muslims ( but I suspect they had been dipping into Sufi sources ) .Then I got to thinking , hey hey hey , I am a Muslim and I wrote some of this stuff and what you are hearing is my Islamic perspective , is that not enough? Apparently not because for the last session I had in Bintulu , from a lot of positive feedback I got, one fellow commented that he/she disliked that I was pronouncing my quotes from the Quran wrongly and using quotes out of context. You can 't win can you?

Ok ok ok , so you think I am being defensive here right? I did a lot of soul searching and I did feel that I must learn to pronounce properly and also humbly state , please , those of you who have excellent Arabic, please correct me if I am wrong in my pronounciation and please, if I quote something out of context , do stop me and correct me.

What is the connection between what I am writing now to faith. What is faith? I do not want to look up the meaning here , I want to just write what I think faith is. Faith is believing in something so much that one acts on the beliefs , that one's perspective on things is from the perspective of the faith. Actually the Quran says quite often

Ya Ayuhal Lathina Amanu wa Amilusalihat.
Oh Ye who have faith and do good works

So actually one can have faith but NOT do good works but usually faith spurs one to good action.
What has many people quite confused is the definition of what good works is.
Many think it is prayer and fasting and going for Haj and throwing a feast now and then with people coming in to do the zikr , giving a donation once in a while to the orphans and attending weddings and funerals ..only of one's own faith mind you.
Then when you ask people who have been for Haj, they will tell you some nice horror stories of 'The Faithful ' performing the Hajj.Dear me nice and horror surely do not belong together. Oh but you know what I mean, the juicy stories that leave people shaking their heads and wondering how people of "other ethnic groups" could be so ill mannnered.
And you know the stories about how long it took to do the tawaf because a group from some other country decided to make a human chain and push you way way out so that the circle you had to make became very large. Or the man who did saie as though he was swimming and you were unfortunate enough to have been in his way and therefore stumbled after being pushed away by his hands and almost fell which would have been a disaster because you would have been stepped on. You have to admire the faith of these people really . They were determined to perform the Haj and fulfill their Muslim obligation at all costs, even if they inconvenienced their fellow pilgrims or caused a lot of grief to their fellow pilgrims........................................
You know I am being sarcastic here or at least I hope you do! I think for me ' Do good works ' is not about performing the rituals , which are important and meaningful enough when done with a lot of heart and done with presence and rememberence as well as with due consideration for the fellow worshippers...I think ' Do good works ' is being good and being kind to our fellow man, no matter what race, what religion , what perspective they are coming from. I think doing good works is being a Light in the darkness, being tolerant and speaking out against injustice , all injustice , not only the ones that affects one's own people but any people.

I woke up this morning upset with myself again. I could not find my identity card anywhere and then remembered my secretary took it to photostat for some applications I made and forgot to give it back. I saw myself asking her in a high pitched voice why she did not give it back to me and if she knew the consequences of trying to board my Air Aisia flight tonight without my IC and how about it if I could not fly....because I have a workshop to give tomorrow... As I saw this imagnary scene I was asking myself , Dear Lord , Ya Allah, there is this soft spot in my heart that inclines to kindness and goodness, and I am sure you put it there but why is it what comes out is this Shrill voiced angry woman who cannot have the patience to calmly ask for her IC and not lay the 'guilt trip' on my hapless secretary?
But I guess , even though what I visualised did happen, except I was less shrill voiced since I was aware of my actions , my secretary responded by laughing at me and with me. I guess she knows about that soft spot inside ..who told her I wonder?

So , if I put it in another way:
Faith is that soft and tender spot inside of you that loves little babies , that cries when emotions are touched , that defends the weak, that fights injustice........don t you go mistaking faith for something that puts people down and saying mine is better than yours.....you don t have to say mine is better than your, if mine is better than yours: It will be as clear as the Sun in the Sky and Allah knows best ......

On change!

I was in Bintulu last weekend , giving a coaching -training session on Knowing the self, Tools for change and Leadership. You can see some of the points elicited directly from the participants who all seem to be scratching their heads in this game that they are playing, what I call Follow the Hidden Leader. The guy in the center is trying to figure out who is initiating the Resistence Movement ...which at that point in time was head scratching!

This coming weekend will be a session in Kota Bahru and then it is off to KL for my next coaching workshop which horror of horrors, starts with mid course exams ...which I am supposed to be studying for.

So really I am not supposed to be blogging....

BTW, I had some really bad emotional vibes yesterday , maybe because of my hectic schedule , maybe jitters over changing my career ...no matter..I finally decided to seriously use a tool I frequently teach in my training, Emotional Freedom Technique and voila...I have since recovered..Masha allah, I never realised how much negativity I can hold inside when I am being negative....
I will be holding a workshop to teach EFT on the 2nd of July,it will be in Bahasa Melayu ie after I come back from Koh Samui for my EFT cert. Actually I can already instruct without the cert but it does not feel right...

You can read more about it here:

EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE WORKSHOP

By the way, this is my temporary website , before I get a professional to jazz it up for me

HOLISTIC LEADERS

The Golden girls

Guess which golden girls is me? I 'll give you a clue, this golden girl is wearing yellow/green/golden and is kneeling in the first row but not quite!






It has been 30 odd years since I last went to school. Met about 60 of my batch mates last Saturday. I was late , very late , almost missed them ......... all because I failed to note the times and assumed we would be partying all day and all night..a false assumption for half decade ladies

Well anyway here is something you can do to avoid clutter and chaos: My desk area is much clearer since I adopted some of the suggestions ...you would think it was common sense but guess what, common sense is NOT common!

Quoted from : Order from Chaos
Author : Liz Davenport

The Physical Environment

Preorganizing

Creating a Vacuum

A vacuum means some extra space in drawers, bookcases, filing cabinets, and closets. People stop filing when files become jam-packed. Then a pile begins to grow on your desk and before you know it you are buried in stacks of papers.

Vacuum-creating Rules :

• Don’t get bogged down. Box the old stuff and put it in a closet out of sight.
• Get these supplies: Storage containers and several plastic boxes with lids.
• Create these boxes: Label one “to-do now”, another “to-do later”, and a third “Archive”.
• Clearly label what you archive with a dark marker and write in big bold letters.
• Group like objects: Tax forms and legal documents, Memorabilia, Old Client Files
• Throw away 95% of the old stuff. It’s a fact that 95% of everything you saved over the past six months may be considered trash. Keep only legal papers and documents.

Start at the End, not at the Beginning

Start with the oldest stuff and work towards the most recent stuff on your desk. Be sure to go through the closet that is scariest to open, first. The last place to clear is your desk.

Closet

Take everything out, and identify stuff by category as you go.

Label boxes . Keep those extra office supplies on a more convenient shelf, or use a box labeled “scratch paper”. Decide whether to toss, recycle or keep. If you must keep, put it in its proper category and labeled box. The least used items must be kept out of sight. Create as much empty space as you can.

Bookcase(s)

Empty the bookshelf, identifying categories again as you go. Decide whether to trash or recycle items. Keep only the current phone directory and reference books.

Filing cabinet(s )

If you have a filing system where you are able to find things, don’t change it. Avoid using A-Z filing systems because if you do not remember the name of the file you will have a difficult time looking for it. Use a more general system.

Create Drawer Categories. Have major categories. You can have “Clients”, “Projects”, “Reference Material”, “Contracts”, for instance. Never use the category “Miscellaneous”.

Create larger categories within each drawer.

The rule of thumb is if a file does not have more than 20 pieces of paper in it, then the title is too specific. In “household” you can have a category “car stuff” which holds the insurance, repairs, registration and anything to do with the car. The most recent paper goes in front.

Don’t ask “How should I file this?” but “How will I use this?”

The receipts for bills we pay can be filed in 12 folders, one for each month from January to December. When you have paid the bill, whether it be for the phone, your credit card or gas, just drop the receipt in the month you paid for.

Color code

Clients can be red. Administration can be blue. Finances may be green. Just use colored markers to highlight the labels in color so you don’t have to go out and buy a dozen colored folders.

Don’t be surprised at the amount of trash you are generating as you follow this process.

Computer files

Computer files and paper systems are handled in the same manner. Use the folders in your computer as you would your physical filing cabinet.

As you create new files, save them according to your new system. Trash old files as you go. Label a folder as Archive, Clients, Household, and within each folder there should be more folders.

Boxes under/around the desk .

Again, 95% of the stuff under your desk is trash.

Desk drawers . Dump out the entire drawer then place the items you deem worthy back into the appropriate drawer. Remember to group like items.

Having a “personal” drawer is a big help. This is where the purse, hairbrush, and candy go.

Now take a look around your office and feel the freedom from distractions gently come upon you. You must be feeling lighter already. Celebrate your newfound feeling of physical and emotional lightness!

Step 1: The Cockpit Office

Setting up

• Anything used daily should be within hand’s reach.
• Anything used on a weekly basis should be within arm’s reach.
• Anything used monthly should be in the office.
• Anything used less often should not be there.

Be back in a second

That second actually takes us 20 minutes on average before we get back to our desks to work.

In a regular office, you interrupt yourself by “getting a cup of coffee, going to the restroom, or having a cigarette”. If you have a home office, you have even more time-wasting opportunities. “Water the plant, put in another load of laundry, walk the dog”

You may also forget why you stood up to go get something, (scissors, a letterhead, a stamp) in the first place. This is why we need to have all our essential tools within easy reach to avoid self-interruptions. The trick is you do not have to leave your chair to go get it.

Office Layout

In a study done to identify the most productive office environment the following four components were noted:

• A minimum space of 10 ft by 10 ft
• A door you can close
• A phone you can turn off
• A minimum of 30 square feet of open desk space (meaning desk space with no computer, phone or lamp on it)

The most effective desk configuration is a U. At the bottom of the U, place your computer. One side of the U is for project work or tasks that take about one hour or so to complete. The other side of the U is for those crisis/interruptions that take minutes to complete such as faxing a letter, filling up a form or opening the mail. If you cannot have a U configuration, an L is the second-best layout, with the computer at the junction of the two arms. The third best layout is two parallel desks. The least efficient layout is a straight line.

Open desk space

Keep mementos to a minimum. You need room to work. This is the reason we head for the kitchen or dining table when it is cleared after a meal so we can do our projects at home.

Interruptions versus Concentration

Suggestions to improve productivity:

• Close the door and mute the phone. Studies show that a project that would take an hour to complete if you are not interrupted takes about four hours to complete if you are.

• Create a fake door. Hang a “Do not disturb” sign across the entrance of your cubicle so coworkers will honor it.

• Forward your calls to someone else or unplug it. Use voice mail or answering machines.

• Do project work in a quieter space like a conference room, an empty office or at home.

• If your office allows you to wear headphones, play a CD or tape of waves to drown out surrounding noise and increase concentration.

Four “must-haves” for every Cockpit

• A desktop file
• An In box
• A To-Read box
• A To-File box

The desktop file contains current files used daily. These are projects your are working on at the moment, clients you are currently working with, references used daily, and repetitive tasks performed daily like fax and email. Current projects/clients, Frequently repeated tasks, directories you use everyday, and blank fax cover sheets should be in your desktop file.

The desktop file at home: (place near a huge trash can)

Categories

• Bills to pay
• Things to file
• Things to read
• Things to take to office
• One for each family member

The In Box

Everything new goes into the In Box. There are two In Box rules:

• Allot a minimum of one hour each day to deal with all the new information you receive.

Don’t forget the virtual inbox such as email, faxes, voice mail, cell phone messages, etc. also other items where you place newly received information like your purse, bag or the front passenger seat of your car.

Whether you are a morning person or a night person, the time to attack the In Box is when you are sharpest and most alert. Make it a routine time each day.

• Once you take something out of the In Box it should go someplace else. Every In Box must be emptied by the end of the day.

The To-Read Box

We seldom get around to reading everything we put aside to read. How do you purge? Take everything out of your To-Read box, select the three to five most important materials to read and put them back in the box, and throw the rest in the trash.

The higher a stack of In Box files and To Read files, the more guilt is piled on your self day after day. If you have more than three inches of files in these boxes, you will be overwhelmed by a stack of guilt you simply cannot bear to look at.

The To-File box

How often do you file? As soon as your To-File box becomes full.

The Rest of the Tools in your Cockpit

• An Enormous Wastebasket

If the stuff is not needed, throw it away. If it merits a category, file it there. If you have an answer to How Will I Use This? Then file it in the place it will most likely be used.

Note: Crumpled pieces of paper take up more space in a trashcan than flat pieces of paper.

• Pencil holder

One thing you need to learn to throw away: pens that don’t write anymore. We have a bad habit of sticking these pens back in the pencil holder.

• File Folders/hanging folders

Keep a fresh supply on hand so you can add categories as needed.

• Rolodex and Blank Cards

The most efficient system of keeping business cards and contact information is the 360-degree Rolodex. This way you can’t keep piling things on top like with a flat Rolodex. Just file the cards alphabetically, and if you don’t have 20 minutes to sort out your business cards, ask a friend or even a child to help you out.

• Paper versus Electronic Rolodexes

If your system catches a virus, electronic Rolodexes can be very risky. Paper is faster even if it is bulky. Always have a paper backup to your computerized mailing list, so it can be retyped when necessary.

Keep the most recent phone books, white pages, and yellow pages on a shelf near the phone. Keep the most recent copy of your organizational directory within easy reach as well.

• Note Cards/Thank-you notes

In the age of e-mail we find it more meaningful whenever we receive handwritten note cards that congratulate us or thank us. So keep a nice little file of your personal handwritten notes to look at when you’re feeling down, and also a nice supply of blank ones to write on and send out to people whose day you would like to brighten up. Your email message can be easily deleted, but a warm thank-you note will be kept for a longer time.

• Stamps of various denominations, a postage scale, and postage rates chart

If you do all your own mailing, this is an essential timesaver. You won’t have to waste time standing in line at the post office.

Customizing your Cockpit

If you keep borrowing an item, buy one of your own. If you keep getting up to get something to finish the job, bring it back to the cockpit and keep it there. If you always lose your scissors, buy more than one pair.

Stuff you may need in your cockpit:

• A comfortable chair
• Good lighting
• A clock
• Paper stand/holder for typing ease
• Business stationery and envelopes
• Special paper, mailing labels, colored paper, certificate paper, etc
• Return address labels
• Telephone
• Computer, fax, typewriter, printer, scanner, copier
• Replacement ink cartridges for the above
• Mouse pad, wrist rest, foot rest (tools for proper ergonomics)
• Floppy disks, Zip disks, Jaz disks, blank CDs
• Stapler and stapler remover
• Tape (regular, double-sided, masking, duct)
• Rubber bands
• Paper clips
• Correction fluid/tape
• Calculator
• Hole puncher
• Reference manuals
• Pen/pencil refills
• Scratch paper/sticky notes (in a drawer not on the desktop)
• Calendar

She wants to go for Haj!

The old lady who entered my room was stooping. She obviously has osteoporosis of the spine. She did not come for help with her health at all. She came to ask me if I could help her find some institution to care for her son of 20 who is mentally retarded as she wanted to perform her Haj. She has no one to turn to she says she and her son are the only members of the family left. I did not have the time to investigate further it being a rather busy morning and I gave my secretary the job of making inquiries.
As it turns out , the Social Welfare department does not have any provsions for temporary care and asked her to approach private institutions but does not have any referal number to give. Looks like I have to do some homework to find out more about such places.
I finally told her to ask around for someone she could hire to take care of her son and as a final offering I told her , if she could not go because of having to take care of her son, Allah understands and she is not obliged to go...but will that soothe her heart felt longing to perform the Haj?

And I went on to do this

You Are an Old Soul

You are an experienced soul who appreciates tradition. Mellow and wise, you like to be with others but also to be alone. Down to earth, you are sensible and impatient. A creature of habit, it takes you a while to warm up to new people. You hate injustice, and you're very protective of family and friends A bit demanding, you expect proper behavior from others. Extremely independent you don't mind living or being alone. But when you find love, you tend to want marriage right away. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

How quirky are you?

Found this on Mushtaq's blog and decided to try it myself

Your Quirk Factor: 54%

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it. Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!

How Quirky Are You?

The Prophet's Birthday

Yesterday was the Prophet's birthday. Somebody sent me a powerpoint presentation on the Prophet which I have converted into a PDF document and you can view it

HERE