Effective Influencing and Leadership

From my module Coaching for senior managers:

Our families give us a lot of advice and beg us to do them and we don't do them. Our friends give us a lot of advice and we don't do them. Our colleagues and bosses provide us with a lot of training and advice and we still don't do them. What is the missing link? What is it that can make us do what we know? What is it that stops us from doing what we know?

The missing link is coaching which creates self awareness and makes the person become self responsible and self motivated .

When a manager knows how to coach, a manager helps the worker to want to do what is needed by making the worker self aware and remove the internal barriers that prevent the worker from performing . In so doing the worker becomes self empowered , self starting and self responsible which lightens the load of the manager and makes the unit excellent .


Changes in mindset make coaching the best approach for the XYZ generation.

Older generation are used to the authoritarian style. They are those born in 1950s . They are very good and capable leaders and run their organizations very well. They become even better when they learn how to become coach leaders.

Present generation workers born in 1980's to 1990s question authority and need to know why , want to use their own ablities. This will include the youngest staff members . They will be seen by older generation leaders as unmotivated and lacking discipline. In actual fact they are just as motivated and disciplined , only they need a leadership style that is more coaching and they need to know why .
Failing to leaverage on initiative of the workers is a loss to the organization and will cause a lot of resistence due to the nature of the XYZ generation who are no longer motivated only by earning a living .

Dr Suriyakhatun Osman
Holistic Leaders Sdn Bhd

Doc Su's skewed sense of humour

A true story embellished a little for the sake of drama.....


Sleeping in the afternoon may have its downside if you are are too tired because you wake up kind of groggy with an ill sense of humor . Woe is the one exposed to this humor.

One afternoon after Doc Su woke up from her nap , a hapless young man of twenty reported sick
Full of drama he exclaimed ," I woke up this morning to a gripping pain in my stomach which made me unable to get up and go to work.

Looking at his nonchalant face , lacking in expression except for the drama in his voice , Doc Su doubted the story and examination proved fruitless in exacting the cause of the gripping pain he claimed to have.

" Do you smoke?"

"Oh indeed I do , naturally!"

Doc Su thought irritably ..So young men today think smoking is natural?

"How many cigarettes per day?"

"Oh the usual , 12 per day , quite normal. I have been smoking a long time!

He must have started when in school !

"That is a lot of cigarettes how much do they cost?"

Doc Su probably thought making him realise the high cost may make him come to his senses.

"Only RM 2/-"

"That cheap ? "( Only yesterday another patient had mentioned RM 8 per pack of 14 )

"I smoke the Indonesian brand it is available in many stores"

"You mean the smuggled ones that are banned and may be dangerous because of its chemical contents ?"

"Yes , I believe so." The young man said , still in his confident man of the world tone of voice.

" That may cause some form of gastritis."

The young man looked incredulous. " Smoking can cause gastritis?"

Doc Su was not in the mood for long explanations,"Ok I have one thing to request from you ."

"Yes what is it?"

"Please do not get married."

"Why not?"

""You may leave behind a young widow, maybe with young children but then again maybe not since the cigarettes may lower your fertility to the point of no fertility." (Had she not been in a "short speech" mood she may have added that bit about the toxic secondary smoke affecting his wife and children if he got married.....)

Looking bit startled and puzzled the youth said to Doc Su.

"Aren' t you going to advice me on my smoking?"

Thinking that perhaps the cigarettes had addled his brain Doc Su replied

"I just did advice you. I advice you not to get married" Mind you, Doc Su had a very serious and earnest expression on her face as she was talking to the young man.

"Thank you", said the puzzled youth as he left the room......

--

post script


Several points to ponder


1.Smoking is a hazard to health even with the regular brands that are imported the legal way

2. Raising the price of cigarettes make those who cannot afford seek cheaper alternatives

3. Cheaper alternatives are more dangerous alternatives


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Tie a yellow ribbon

FOR JUSTICE AND FAIRNESS AND FREEDOM!!!

I see you see me

I almost did not open the email not recognising the sender and thinking it could be spam but the title seemed familiar. At first I was not sure if I wrote it since I did not save what I had written on an email and , I did lose a lot of what I composed via crashed discs etc....


...........................
K wrote to me on email:

Some time ago you posted the below poem in your email in a discussion. Do you know who wrote it? It has meant so much to me.

K

A Healer

I see you see me and I see me in you
I hear you hear me and I hear me
I see you and I see the Divine
I glow and I bask in the Light of Awareness
I feel the Love of your compassionate heart
The comfort of the safe haven you created
The Presence

my reply

I wrote it. I was describing what happens when a person is present to us. When we sit with someone who listens deeply and mirrors all that is beautiful within us and we see that beauty in us and become healed . Also the person is healing because he/she is centered in the heart , the seat of love and compassion and the feeling of this is comfort and love, like when we are in the arms of a loving mother but even more so. The source for this light is the God and the depth of the person is reflecting to us their connection with the Divine and being with this person makes us deeply aware of God.

I write such prose without much thought since it flows out and I do not even keep a copy of what I write sometimes , and that is why I was not sure at first but upon reflection and knowing how I see what it means to be a healing presence and the style seems to be mine.

PS
If you had seen Dr House , the latest ( download via Torrents) about a man who lost his memory and therefore had almost no opinion and no bias , he became a perfect mirror for whoever was with him and the person with him was able to see themselves in this patient ( Elliot). So the essential ingredient of being this perfect mirror, this healer and this coach that creates self awareness is stillness of the heart, and no judgement .

The Mom Song Sung to William Tell Overture with Lyrics

All mums and all mummy's children would appreiciate this!

The Prophet's sayings

"Meditation in God is my capital.

Contemplation of God is my
companion.

Reason is the root of my religion.

Love is the foundation of my existence.

Truth is my salvation.

Submission to the Divine Will is my pride.

Knowledge is my garb and virtue.

Worship is my habit. Grief is my friend.

Enthusiasm is the vehicle of my life.

And my utmost happiness lies in prayer."

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)

I AM A MUSLIM!

This video does a lot to dispell stereotypes. Perhaps Asian Muslims can do another one to show how diverse Muslims are

Do you still remember?

Ku Nur Hanim

Hubby, daughter Hana and Ku Bahadur

My mum and Mak Tuan

I visited a very old friend and her parents this Hari Raya. I had been thinking a lot about old friends and had longed to make contact with many of them. You might say it had something to do with my deep desire to communicate and to make contact in a deep way with people .
This lead me to reminenesce about my childhood and my childhood friends .

I used to live at 1242 Jalan Changkat off Jalan Gasing Petaling Jaya.

My earliest memories of PJ was when I was 3 years old , I remember mum bringing home a baby sister whom I immediately wanted to carry , I did carry her, my mum screamed which made me drop baby sister, luckily, on to the bed. This was before we moved to the government quarters at Jalan Changkat.

Bukit Gasing or Gasing Hill was one of our haunts, and so was the rubber treed area that became a jungle on Gasing Hill. I remember trekking in this 'jungle' and getting lost for a bit..what an adventure! I was with cousin Zamil and my sister Salina and a few others whose names elude me now. At other times I climbed Gasing Hill after school with friends . I remember Din, Hanim and Ayee.

Hanim, I remember going to your house just too often . My parents used to have to go fetch me because I did not want to go back. I constantly sought you out and knew all your sisters well. I enjoyed meeting you again after 20 years or more!

Do you remember? There was that slope in front of my house wherewe used to drag an old grass mat up the little slope and then we gleefully slid down the slope while on the mat. It was our version of a sled I suppose.

How about the times we wheeled our bicycles up the long sloping road that lead to my house and then rode the bicycle down this slope not needing to paddle ..what a joy ride!

Where are you Din? I remember the ubi kayu moden trees in your compound and playing police and thief in the tree tops! How lost you were when your Mum died in an accident. I was in std 3 and you were in std 4. My heart went out to you that day of the funeral . Your mum was the kindest lady I knew then. She did not have a bad word for anyone and all her friends loved her. Pakcik Rahim was devastated.

I was the youngest in our group and was often bullied , what with being a cry baby and so very gullible . I think it was out of a need for my friends that I continued to join my friends inspite of all the bullying. I was the eldest in my own family and had no older brothers and sisters , so my friends became my older brothers and sisters.

I also remember Abang, Intan's brother, Where are you Intan? Remember how we used to climb up the top shelves of the built in cupboard of the government quarter houses we used to stay in? Then we jumped joyfully onto our beds below! It was our version of the joyrides that are now in the theme parks I suppose. It is a wonder non of us got hurt! Abang, I almost forgot your name Azmil Mustafa until I saw you acting in the film Ali Setan. How could I forget your distinctive features? I never met you again but from time to time I hear about you . You no longer act I know, you are now a pendakwah!

Rehman Rashid, I still have a photo of you and Rafiq . I had my arms around both you and Rafiq , I was in the middle in this photo. I do not remember much about you and the last time I saw you , you were a handsome and witty young man from the debate team that came from MCKK to TKC , I was in form five then, and how I admired not only your good looks but your wit and style . I googled your name and found you even have a wikipedia entry. Auntie Rosnah your mum called me when my daughter Maryam was getting married , she congratulated me and sent her regrets that she could not come to the wedding. My mum had invited her.

When I remember my childhood, from long ago, I realise that people had time for each other back then. We enjoyed each other's company, we appreciated each other. My parents had deep friendships that have survived up till now for my mum keeps in touch with all her old friends, some of whom she had known from even before she was married. What has happened to us now , that we get so immeresed in our work that our only friends are our colleagues at work and those we meet in meetings, be they NGO meetings or business meetings?

Then there are those yearly Hari Raya gatherings where we meet for a short while our relatives , some we meet yearly only for Hari Raya . What superficial talk we engage in , hardly getting to know each other or engaging one another in a deep way. I feel sad that we do not really have the time nor do we even have a desire or interest in other people.

I was just lamenting to my daughter that when we go shopping in the supermarket , we are all busy and so focused on our shopping that the crown around us appear invisible and we do not interact with these strangers. It is as if people are invisible to us, we do not look at faces, we do not see their persons nor are we interested in them. I sometimes ask myself , so why do we need these new bags and new shoes for ? Is it to impress people? What people since nobody notices you most of the time....the words of an old Beatles song keep playing in my mind..
All the lonely People...........

Lonely people shopping

Again , it was out of a need to deeply engage with people that I joined My Space. I was utterly disappointed indeed when most of the people who made contact wanted to pick up ...aaargh, could they not see my age? Sheesh , my daughter said, Mum maybe they want a sugar mummy...! Only one person who read my Bio has engaged with me in a way that is meaningful and I hope I have added value to his life and I certainly feel he has added value to mine.

End of rant......sigh.....

To be relevant

The three year old child was irritating me by her pushing a chair to sit next to me. She sat gawking at me and the computer screen in front of me. She tried to help her little sister open her mouth , of course that made her sister shut her mouth even tighter! Her mama without lifting a finger said innefectively ," Rina, no, don ' t do that . Rina will you please take that chair back to its place."
Rina did not budge, instead she moved the chair even closer.

I tried to put aside my irritation, I tried instead to understand .This child, like all human beings wanted attention. She wanted to be noticed , she wanted to be useful , she wanted to be relevent.
We all do!

I focused my attention on her, tousled her hair and smiled at her, giving her something of what she needed and wished that I did that more often, focus attention on a fellow human, recognise their need to be relevent and make them feel relevent .

I wish also that more people realised I too have a need to feel relevent , that I matter and I am worthy, worthy of your love and your attention and at the same time I know, the closer I draw to God, the less I need this assuarance for, I would have transcended this need and instead be an extension of the Universal consciousness that bears witness to all and is present to all that is in the MOMENT!

Cat Stevens - If you want to sing out

There is hope yet, if you learn to understand that there really IS a million different ways to be and to do!

If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out

If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

[Chorus:]
You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
you see ah ah ah
its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are

[Chorus]

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are

Cat Stevens

Balancing our energy centers

Can you help how you think and feel? Can you change your thoughts or do you never even try?
Have you ever wanted something so badly that you thought it is a need? Or , is that thing you wanted so badly showing you there is something you need to fill a vacuum within your being?

Being human is being able to observe youself and your thoughts as well as your emotions and being able to make adjustments to correct the energy imbalances.

Consider the following, some are my own observations, some have been expounded in scientific journals or health articles and , if you cannot agree with anything I write seemingly as facts, feel free to disagree.

When we crave for sugar , it is not sugar that we lack but proteins.

When we feel we need to eat more often than is healthy, it is not because our stomach is empty but because our life has an emptiness which we need to fill with the sensual pleasure of eating.

If you want to watch or read only happy endings and scenes of murder and mayhem disturb you beyond the ordinary , it is because you yourself are looking for that happy ending and view your life in the future tense and do not live in the present. It could also be you are an idealist who cannot understand why there needs to be such cruelty in human existence.

Obsessively thinking about someone or something or obsessively engaging in some activities at the expense of other activites create imbalances in your energy centers which in turn affects your effectiveness as a human being . I am referring to those who are in love or think they are, those who focus on sex , those who focus on food , those who glue themselves to the telly , those who spend all their free time on a computer game or a hobby to the exclusion of other areas of focus.

So how do we gain a balance? How do we complete ourselves being that we are such creatures of impulse emotion and thought, when we are such creatures of habit and reflexes? How do we change when all our indulgences make us lose our health and thus our energy which in turn makes us even more helpless to change?

There is this D word which I really am at war with. I constantly battle with the D losing it, and then regaining it , and then losing it again the next time a tempest of emotion affects me . My constant battle with the D makes me resent people who work like clockwork , have routines that create balance .It makes me look with horror when people indulge in eating orgies at buffet dinners and lunches and especiallyRamdhan buffets (you fast all day , your tummy has been without food or drink for more than 12 hours and suddenly you come face to face with drinks of all flavours and food of such myriad varieties and taste that you wish you were in heaven and can eat all you want without facing the consequences...alas for the limitations of this embodiment!) It makes me exclaim with amazement when they tell me they take mee maggie for sahur and never take their vegetables. It makes me feel sorry for those who do not have 5 daily prayers to reorientate and rebalance their energy centers.

The D word I mean is discipline. Discipline is when you go against your inclinations and fight your thoughts and emotions to do that which will move you towards a constant increase in capacity and realisations and performance as a human being. It is what will help you perfect your soul for nothing elses matters in the end . The sweet fruits of discipline will yield pleasure and satisfaction beyond your wildest dreams and fill you with bliss beyond that which you think possble.

Of course having Discipline is not enough. One must also have the knowledge to know what needs to be done . Like for example, the sugar craver needs to know that what is needed is to take more balanced meals with adequate proteins and complex carbohydrates.

The lovelorn love sick need to address their needs for the beloved by focusing on improvng themselves not merely to impress but to harness the energy of love to transform themselves.

And so on and so forth....I could go on explaining but I think you get the picture.

Alignment

When you read what someone writes , about their beliefs and their ideals , sometimes you fall in love with them for the pure sweet thoughts that flow from the depth of their soul. You read the words and they ring so true that it hits a chord in your own heart and you recognise the beauty of their soul as it mirrors all that is beautiful in your own. Then you get to know them from what other people say about them, and then you see how they behave, the words they use, and their actions and you get puzzled . You are puzzled because what they believe in , their ideals do not match how they really are in real life. Either you get dissillusioned or , you get disappointed, you lose your hero or heroine or like me you understand their humanity . You understand that they long to be that which is in their soul but life and its circumstance have made them what you see of them , You see that it does not tarnish the beauty of their being , but that all they need to learn , and they have their whole life ahead of them, be it short or long , to learn to align their inner convictions with their actions. If they do not manage to do so by the time they close their eyes , by the time their embodiment ends, then they would have lost the oppurtunity to be a fully realised human being , and that is the greatest loss a human can ever experience.

Kok Soon

This is Kok Soon. He was my daughter Hana's classmate. He is now a fourth year medical student at Malayan U.

I have known him since he was a small child. He used to come to the clinic when he was ill to get treatment from me.

It was on one of these visits that I asked him what he would like to do after his SPM . I cannot remember his answer but I think he said he wanted to take a degree in science. It was then that I asked him , why don 't you take up medicine. The idea seemed too far fetched for him at that time .

I then said that all he needed was to go to the Matriculation College and work really hard to score the maximum of four flat and he would definitely get a place to do medicene.
Sometimes when we plant the seed of possibility , we never know the tree that will grow from it, the flowers thatwill bloom from it and the ripe succulent fruits that will be offered to others from the sturdy tree out of the seed of possibility.

He did go to Matrics and he did score four flat and he did get a place to do medicine
For the past few days he has been doing an attachment at my clinic.

It has been my pleasure to have him tag along seeing cases with me.

When I had visitors from overseas and brought them sightseeing around town , I realise I will start seeing my town through their eyes and begin to appreciate things that I had taken for granted.

When I had Kok Soon seeing cases with me , I began to appreciate the skills I had collected over the years of seeing cases. All the things I did that I had taken for granted took on a new perspective as I saw them through his fresh enthusiastic young eyes.

The shy awkward youth I knew when he was in secondary school had grown even taller , no longer awkward but gracefully charming .His shyness had transformed into a quiet confidence.

I will always remember how he used to come after Chinese New Year bringing me Mandarin oranges in his duffel bag which he took out one by one to place on my table saying to me
'"This is for you Dr."

May God bless and guide you to be the best doctor possible Kok Soon , you do me proud.

My children, it does not mean I love you or appreciate you any less . I know each of you is special and unique and all of you are sturdy trees that others can take the lovely fruits from.

The Nature of Harm

"Tis the nature of harm to scurry in trenches already dug, its rivulets deepening its draught and widening its bore in a scurrilous way; though inconsiderate and ostensibly inanimate, its effect denotes purpose, though that may through echo have belonged to another from long ago, an even forgotten owner."

Thus wrote a friend in a post on his blog here.

I wonder if he knows how aptly he has described how our internal wounds keep getting deeper and wider until we reach rock bottom? It is as if the wounds within keep up a chorus , repeating, repeating and playing back to us its message of gloom doom and depair. The original wounds need not even be our own as we inherit via scripting deep emotions from our parents and those who are within our environment when we are growing up. More so when the adults around us are wounding presences. When we are little we absorb and take on these burdens like sponges and make them our own wounds and burdens and then we carry it with us, weighing ourselves down with it in our life's journey , adding to it from time to time from our own personal experiences more hurts , more wounds to 'scurry in trenches already dug' as Simon wrote.


A not so poetic analogy I could think of is how an abscess developes and grows, eating its way at the margins and pushing its way until it makes for itself a path to the outside skin and bursts , or makes its way to blood vessels and cause untold damage pouring its poisons into the bloodstream.

Yet this the nature of things , this is how it happens and this is how we are.

Most of us scurry along in the corridors of life doing what we think needs to be done , adapting ways and devising mechanisms to lessen the pain .

Defense mechanisms:
Some encase themselves in shells, some develop thorns, some withdraw into a secret garden within, protecting their private thoughts from any intrusions , some turn to the pleasures of the flesh , to drink , to drugs . Yet others seek a healing and some find solace in religion, in hobbies, in work , yet all the time , the harm is making its course , cutting its way deeper and deeper into the depth our our being.

Unless we find a way to heal ourselves . But healing ourselves is not easy for we first have to throw the light of consciousness into the dark realms of our Being . It is in itself painful. Not the dull pain that we have gotten used to and adapted to but a pain so searing and intense that we would want to avoid this pain. The problem being avoiding and postponing the examination makes the problem worse...like discovering a cancer too late....

I had worked through this pain. It was like being in a dark long tunnel not seeing the light at the end wondering if there was any light at all or, was it pain all the way? I found out it was not pain all the way, there was light but try telling me there was light when I was in the dark tunnel. Try telling me then that it had an end. Only faith had kept me going , faith and knowing that there was no other way around the pain except through the pain.

Looking good and awakening passion

I have dropped one dress size and probably can drop a few more when I am done.


What has made it easier to shed my excess bagage was my daughter's detox meals she prepared for me and several of her clients for the fasting month. It is not easy to take because this first week it is a very low salt diet but she promises me it will get easier . I am however beginning to get used to it and there is an added bonus of tastebuds becoming more sensitive to the subtle flavours which the salt used to mask. There is an analogy here about the food. I think focusing on eating masked something that genuinely wanted to find expression within me , and removing food as a focus unmasked it. Now , removing salt is unmasking something that was always there in the food but could not be appreciated by me because of the salt. I wonder how much in our lives we have masked with something and therefore fail to benefit from the blessing that we could not recognise?

I had succeeded in getting myself to a size ten two years after my last child was born , then, after getting quite ill with endometrioisis , going on hormones , I regained the weight I had lost and more! From time to time I would get upset over it and then lose a few kilograms only to get it back whenever I had a training to do or to attend . We Malaysians eat so many times when we attend meetings at hotels. Once I had invited a lecturer from the UK to give our three day International workshop and she commented , you people eat as many times as I would take a walk! I had to accompany her for a walk down the dusty, smokey roads of old KL simply because she did not like being cooped up in the hotel even though I had protestd that her notion of getting some air was misguided in view of the pollution!

I have another reason for self sabotage, ie for not getting myself into normal weight , being content with a BMI just oustide of the normal range . When I succeeded in reducing my weight to normal, I found my physical energy increased. I had more strength, I could walk more, I could run up the stairs and shop without getting aching feet. And then , I also found my emotions began to create havoc. I was not the staid , serious , no nonsense , sensible person that I thought I was. Steadily plodding along doing what needed to be done out of duty and all. With the energy increase, I began to feel a need for action. I used up some of that energy doing aerobic workouts but this did not seem enough and I did not know what to do with emotions running high and causing me to laugh one minute and feel a depth of sadness the next. I think this is what finally developed into my endometriosis and the severe pain that came with every menses. I had to take hormones which brought my weight up again. I later stopped taking hormones , put myself to work studying endometriosis until I came up with a method to treat the disease using homeopathic remedies . The thesis I wrote can be found here.

As I mentioned earlier , I am quite a survivor . No matter how badly broken I am inside of me, I plod on , I try to find answers, I do not give up on myself , on God and on humanity, even though outwardly you would find me distant or flat or indifferent.Through it all I kept doing things to improve myself , read, take courses, attend workshops , bring up my children while all the time having so much pain within me in my physical and emotional bodies.

My breakthrough came when I decided I had enough and wanted to heal. I went to the US, after my husband gave a grudging permission, I studied sufism and spiritual healing, came back to practice what I learned and slowly began to heal from very old wounds buried deep in my soul.

After this , almost every year I travelled abroad to continue my spritual journeys, meet my teachers , meet others on the Path and every time I came back I found some area within my being had changed, I had learned something new , I had internalised some new realisations.

And it is only in the past month that I had found the strength to give up eating to fill a void within me . Perhaps it is not so much a void as a part of me that lay dormant for as long as I filled my belly with food. That part of me is my passion. I know it for what it is now , and perhaps as I am much older now and hopefully much wiser, I will find a way to harness this passion to serve me and to serve my fellow humans better.

With this passion comes a deep longing for a meaningful communication with people I find worthwhile . What is it that prevents this closeness ? Can people not have a meaningful platonic relationship without any need or want for a physical closeness? Perhaps blogging is one way for me to have this depth of communication , as I lay bare my soul for those who care to read. Sometimes after I write something and post it to my blog, I find my heart filled with a sweet joy , and I think to myself, someone somewhere is reading what I wrote and resonating with it and is sending me loving thoughts and I say a prayer of gratitude to my Lord for sending me the sweet love in my heart.

Manjalara Lessons Learnt from it

I never cease to get amazed what one can learn , even when one feels that television is shallow and only good for watching when one wants to go into a brainless stupor as a distraction from the pain of living a routine life.

The key ingredient in being able to learn something from just about anything is to be present to that which is before one.

I am not going to write a sinospis , you can find a sinopsis HERE

This is in point form and if you want to know what I am talking about , I guess you have to look for the series , mind you there are 75 episodes of 40 mins each minus the adverts!

Lessons
1. There is not truly good or bad people.
2. People do things for reasons they find valid for them, and whatever it is right or wrong in the eyes of others, it is the best choice the person has at that point in time...sounds like NLP , yes it is!
3.We are acting all the time, and I found I can act a part if I want to anytime, yes I have always known I can act , except my path did not take me down that line. Will the real Suriya please stand up? She only exists in the depth of her being what you see is a Performance .....
4. Revenge comes from an ego need that does not fulfill the self . It is only forgiveness that can heal the self/soul no matter how great the hurts
5. When the self esteem is low, one cannot believe a person can love one for one's self and is quick to believe that the other person has motives other than true love.
6. Going away to lick wounds is a cliche of this telenovella...I never have the chance to go away to lick wounds..I go away to seek guidance....journeying in a foreign land is the best way to get to know yourself...away from the routines of normal living...
7. Saving a lady from falling or drowning is a romantic moment to be exploited many times over.
8. Drama and comedy go well together
9. If Manja can do it, so can I. Come on kilograms , shed off! Yes indeed I was thinking of planning a Manjalara diet for my patients , inspire them with a passion to lose the excess baggage
10. Never get hooked on a telenovella that has clifhanger ends...it drives you crazy

On Zikr

I am copying a paragraph or two and you can read the rest

HERE

On Dhikr

From Miftah al-Falah (The Key to Success)

by Ibn 'Ata'llah al-Iskandari

Dhikr is a fire which does not stay or spread – so if it enters a house saying, "Me and nothing other than me," which is one of the meanings of "la ilaha illa'llah' (There is no god but Allah), and there is firewood in the house, it burns it up and it becomes fire. If there is darkness in the house, it becomes light. If there is light in the house, it becomes 'light upon light'.

Dhikr expels from the body impure substances produced by excess in eating or from the consumption of unlawful food. As for food which is lawful, it does not touch it. So the harmful components are burned up and the good components remain.

Dhikr is heard by every part as if it were blowing on a trumpet. When dhikr first occurs in the head, the sound of trumpets and cymbals is experienced there. Dhikr is a sultan – when it descends in a place, it descends with its trumpets and cymbals because dhikr is opposed to all that is other than the Truth. When it descends in a place, it occupies itself with negating what is contrary to the Truth, as we find in the union of water and fire. After these sounds, different sounds are heard: like the ripple of water, the sound of the wind, the sound of fire when it is kindled, the sounds of galloping of horses, and the sound of leaves of the trees rustling in the wind.

Ramadhan Thoughts

I am alive again. I think I was unconscious or very aneasthetised over the last few months or, maybe it was years! When I had the choking cough since January that last for months on end , I could not find a remedy , even though my health did not seem to be affected much , it was pretty embarassing to start coughing badly in front of my patients and what with stress incontinence , the condition was very troublesome. It lingered on , getting almost better and then coming back again.
I think I know the reaon for this cough. It was about communication. I had thoughts and ideas , I had things that I needed to say but it was not coming out. I was keeping my passions my dreams my hopes my fears and my creativitity all bottled up with no where to go , so it came out in the congestion of my lungs, and the spasm and as a choking cough. and I realise that my blogging is not a waste of time, it is answering a need within me, a need to be heard. Then again it surprises me that I still have this need to be heard because I am all the time giving these workshops and healing classes , I am seeing patients every day , doling out chunks of the way I think at people left right ad center . What I found is that it is not the same as writing them down. For me, writing is a need , it is not a frivolity , it is not a vanity , it is not even a charity to anyone but to myself.

I am finally able to fast today and it has been my disappointement that at the ripe old age of 50+ I am still having my menses which had prevented me from starting the fast at the beginning of Ramadhan. I suppose out of sheer protest , I also abandoned most of my zikrs and contemplations at this time so it was only last night when I was able to pray my Isha prayers that I finally sat in zikr and it was this morning waiting for my fajr prayers that I finally got down to reading the Quran. As I read, my mind was muling over some story and I was not fully focused on what I was reading. A part of me must have been attentive though for I suddenly found myself in tears. Deep tears of sadness, of gratitude and a humbleness that seemed to come from a depth of my soul I know exists but still cannot fathom. I know a little Arabic and Surah Al Baqarah is familiar because of frequent readings of it in the past . My tears and emotion made me read the translation. It was the part where God was having a dialogue with the Angels who questioned about God's intention of putting Adam on earth. It was about God teaching Adam the names of things and Adam knew while the Angels did not know.

I am from Adam, and I know the Names, or at least, I have the capacity to know the Names. I am from Adam and I have also within me the capacity for a greatness not given to the Angels. In all humbleness , in all my weaknesses , in all of my faults , it is within me. This is what has moved me to deep tears of sadness and I find it awakens in me my passion , which had lain asleep as I choked and choked it back in my Being resulting in my prolonged cough which seemed endless .

To understand the Names, one may want to read a chapter from Ibn Arabi's Fusus al Hikam

HERE

Yes my passion is awakened and it is sweet and painful at the same time. To be vulnerable , to be sensitive , to be able to love is also to be able to feel sadness. The deepest joy cannot be experienced except if you open yourself to the deepest hurts. The only alternative is to encrust your heart in sheets of ice and a shell...and not feel, neither joy nor hurts.

My heart was awakened by Beauty. Allah had chosen that Beauty would be seen and appreciated by me and knock on the closed door of my heart and open it . But alas for the human, when passion awakens , with it comes a bittersweet longing that sets the hapless soul on a journey of seeking the Beloved .

A higher perspective on time

"Be mindful of how you approach time. Watching the clock is not the same as watching the sun rise."

-- Sophia Bedford-Pierce

"Chronos is clocks, deadlines, watches, calendars, agendas, planners, schedules, beepers. Chronos is time at her worst. Chronos keeps track. ...Chronos is the world's time. Kairos is transcendence, infinity, reverence, joy, passion, love, the Sacred. Kairos is intimacy with the Real. Kairos is time at her best. ...Kairos is Spirit's time. We exist in chronos. We long for kairos. That's our duality. Chronos requires speed so that it won't be wasted. Kairos requires space so that it might be savored. We do in chronos. In kairos we're allowed to be ... It takes only a moment to cross over from chronos into kairos, but it does take a moment. All that kairos asks is our willingness to stop running long enough to hear the music of the spheres."

-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

"He who postpones the hour of living rightly is like the rustic who waits for the river to run out before he crosses."

-- Horace