My other blog

I just updated by other blog with an entry about jumping to conclusions. It is in Bahasa Melayu. I am trying to write in English here and in BM on the other blog .

JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS

Somatic Healing and Energy Psychology

I attended a 2 day workshop at the Nanyang Siang Pao Multipurpose Hall on Tuesday and Wednesday this week. I went with my son Ahmad Hilmi. He is learning so much so quickly , his path to healing himself is transforming him into a healer!
Learnt some great stuff that complemented my knowledge and practice of energy healing and discovered some interesting facts about Nanyang Siang Pao Press

About Nanyang Siang Pao: A Chinese Newspaper daily that has a philanthropic Foundation called Nanyang Press Foundation. It was the Foundation which organised the two day workshop apropriately titled The Body as an Ultimate Healer.They help single again women , youth , disaster victims and work with NGOS in areas needing social welfare help. It is the only newspaper in Malaysia that has such a foundation.

The workshop was conducted by Dr Maggie Phillips , a licensed psychologist practising in Oakland California.
She has a whole string of qualifications , has writen books and clinical papers and most of all , she is a great healer.

I met some wonderful people including a Salma, Chinese Muslim counselling student studying at MU and a very caring insurance agent named May , both of whom I had the honor of doing practises with.

The only negative I have to say on the workshop is that there was too little time and too many people at the workshop , almost 200 . I would have liked a much smaller workshop but it was more than ok for the small token sum paid, RM80 .
I ended up paying more than RM100 to order her book and perhaps would be poorer by RM 1000 if I enrolled for her online course .

It is just so comforting to have my work affirmed by her. I had known of the tremendous benefit of Somatic Healing and Energy Psychology via my Energy Healing work and also my Emotional Freedom Technique but to have her demonstrate almost exactly what I did in my practice and to have her demonstrate the beneficial effects of EFT simply made it whole for me . She has words to explain in terms people could easily relate to stuff I knew only in terms of spirituality. It gives me a language to communicate what I do to people not exposed to the subtel energies. I know she is a medical intuitive and was extremely sensitive to people's energies even though she did not say so . The way she knew what the client was feeling showed this. I was called to be a client one time and experienced this first hand!. It is difficult to find people who understood the work I do here in Melaka and even in Malaysia and I am glad someone is going around spreading this knowledge ! I feel less lonely now!

Which Sci Fi Character do I match?

Got this from Mushtaq's blog....

Galadriel


Possessing a rare combination of wisdom and humility, while serenely dominating your environment you selflessly use your powers to care for others.

Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

Galadriel is a character in the Middle-Earth universe. You can read more about her at the Galadriel Worshippers Army.

Viral Outbreak!

I found myself ill on Friday! It started with a runny nose, next day my tonsils felt slightly painful and by Sunday my body was aching. On Monday , I was having a fever, I may have had it earlier but it was only on Monday morning that I recorded my temperature at 37.8C, On Tuesday I was better from the fever but started having terrible cramps in my stomach which was pretty distended. I could not eat for the whole day , could only manage water and some fruits and cendol!
The cramps were so bad I was absolutely miserable. The next day , I still had cramps but it was less. Then I found the perfect homeopathic remedy for it, actually I had found it a day earlier only I gave it to my grand daughter and my son in law and it worked fine for them ...by this tim 3 more members of my family were affected.My daughter, granddaughter and son in law. I also started seeing more and more cases of the same fever, runny nose cramps vomiting and diarrhea.

After a dose of the remedy Cina 30c , I passed flatus ( oh the blessing of being able to pass flatus) and from then on I began to feel better and better....except that now I have this slight cough....

So , this is just to inform you , there is a kind of virus around that gives you the whole deal.
I suspect it is an adenovirus rather than a rotavirus or a Norwalk virus because it seems to be spread by airborne rather than water borne. Why I say this is because of the rapid manner of its spread as well as the components of runny nose , tonsillar affection and sore throat.

Anyway , now my maid, my hubby and my son are affected....
It seems like there is no escape!!

Good thing I have the remedies....
So what is my advise if you get the viral infection?
I think the most troublesome and potentially serious part is the vomiting and the diarrhea.This is potentially dangerous for old people and infants.
The vomiting is self limiting which means it stops itself in about one day and the diarrhea and stomach cramps also go away pretty fast but you have to avoid irritating food and also irritating medications such is NSAID s like Ibuprofen ,Aspirin , Diclofenac etc. Take rehydrating salts, fluids and non sour fruits and juices as well as rice porridge and boiled barley. For the cramps you can take buscopan if you like. If you have a homeopathic pharmacy nearby you may try Cina30 c. It may not be the remedy you need though ..best to consult a homeopath.

My own worst enemy

I have been attending a train the trainers session , six days of last week. And , I found out I am my own worst enemy.
I am a natural at facilitating , I do a good job especially when I am well prepared.
Unfortunately , when my facilitating is under scrutiny and I am being examined, I kind of get so worked up , and so fearful of the fellow trainers who are very likely to give me a hard time that I become fierce.
So I realise , if only I focus and center myself in my heart space , am sincere and gentle as I know I am capable of , I won t become fierce...
Lesson learnt ..how long will I remember and not do it to myself again?????

Between Love and Fear

In response to some questions

I think we have on this list tried to define what it means to love God.

As for fear of Shirk as you defined it here:

>>>the Unforgivable Sin of Shirk, or associating partners with Allah (S.W.T.). I assume that associating partners with Allah includes loving them with the same intensity that one should love Allah.<<
And you ask the question:

>>>Where does Love end and Worship begin, and vice versa? And since Allah is the only One worthy of our worship, how do we protect ourselves from "worshipping" something or someone else, thus commiting Shirk, while all along we are assuming that we are merely "loving" or "admiring"?????...snip...Hence my fear that "Hell's gates might open up and suck me in" in relation to "loving" my new car.<<<
There is a lot of fear being expressed so it comes to : Wanting to do what is right by 'God's definition of right ' to avoid Hell.

There is nothing wrong with this: Avoiding hell is instinctive if we equate hell with eternal damnation and destruction misery and pain everlasting.

Going back to your questions , let us try to define some words mentioned;

Worship:On a literal level and in a simplistic way it means the formal acts of worship such as formal praying , bowing to statues ,ceremonies to show allegience and obedience to the object of worship. On a deeper level it means to obey and to love the object of worship to be loyal to. So here we can see love as part of the worship .

Shirk: To take other objects/people other than the REAL to worship which means to pray to , to show allegience to , to love and to obey.

In a simplistic way we point our finger at polytheists those who have many Gods, such as what we understand about Hindu and Greek beliefs . But if we knew it in a deeper way , the ones who really understood knew that these many Gods were attributes of God just as in the 99 names and the qualities of God that we learn in Islam

We learn from our holy books that there are those who take their lusts as their gods and money as their god , sacrifice their convictions for the sake of material gain or the love of a woman .So these are the finer points of shirk that we could become aware of.

How then does one avoid shirk especially the finer points of it, like when we deeply love something so much so it takes us away from our focus of worshipping God, or takes over from our worshipping God?

We hear in Hadith that a sahabah gave away his garden because he enjoyed it too much and was afraid it would distract him from God. I somehow doubt I would give away a beautiful garden because for me , it would make me closer to God for the beauty would be a manifestation of God but that does not mean the sahabah was wrong because he did what was right for him at the stage that he was in.

Many of us were brought up on big helpings of fear and guilt over doing what is 'right' and avoiding what is 'wrong'.Perhaps it was needed to keep us from spoiling the focus of our spiritual journey with the false gods of hedonism and sexual promiscuity and the simple game rules helped us to have some order in our lives so that we had the space to reflect and grow .When the fear and guilt become barriers and obstacles to our spiritual growth is when we have to take a stock of where our convictions and beliefs are taking us , or not taking us .

Can we believe instead in a kind and merciful God who will come running to us when we take our faltering baby steps towards Hu. Who will open to us the secrets of Love and Truth when we stand before Hu with longing and hope and trembling in fear of not getting close to Hu?

What are game rules?

About game rule:

Many people are simply scripted into doing what is right and by what is right is meant what is right in the society we are in . Which is why 'what is right ' according to society is never good enough for those whose conscience are awakened enough to be aware that society is not always in alignment with the ultimate TRUTH which is another way of understanding God.

More on God

God is Beauty in its utmost beauty, Justice in its utmost and Truth because there is no truth except the truth God created.
So those who love truth , beauty and justice are lovers of God as well. They manifest their love by loving God in God's manifestations.

How to love God

These thoughts came up out of discussions on the sufi studies list


Steven Covey said love is a doing word. What he meant is that love finds expression in deeds. So your remaining attentive of the moment is a manifestation of your love of God since it is what scriptures and those enlightened beings tell us is what is required of us.

For me, it makes no sense to say you love God and then go against God's wishes, of course then you want to know, What are God's wishes for me?

Depending on what one's convictions are, religious duties would be part of doing God's wish. but having said that, there are very many levels of doing God's wish and on the lowest level I think people approach God as someone in authority to pander up to in order to get what they want.
This always conjures up the memory of my doing my hajj way back in '86. I had so much difficulty doing tawaf and saiei because of some self centered groups who literally elbowed everybody left and right , shoved and pushed so they could please God...

Now I am going on to why people perform religious duties: Presumably it is out of love for God but we find out that love can be pandering up to authority , or fear of authority , like when you are aftaid God would throw you into hellfire or make you fall and break your head and this fear keeps you doing what you think is God's will.


We move up another level and that is when you are blessed with the sensations of an awakened heart. At this level , you kind of have something of a link with God, just like when you are in love with someone and are sensitive to the nuances of their approval and disapproval and at this point you just don t want to do anything that makes the beloved distance themselves from you , and in this case you can feel it in your self when God communicates from within you.

At this level you keep trying and trying to understand the communication and keep trying to do what is oomunicated to you and more and more you do things out of an inner Yaqin rather than " I think this should be it" But it is at this point too that ego gets in
the way and some people start to think they are holy ..... or something like that....

Redha

Question: What is redha? I looked up "redha" but all I got were references to some soccer player....what does it mean?

My answer
Redha is probably a popular name so you get a soccer player named Redha.
You know when things happen to you and you react to it by resisting and not allowing and denial? That is the opposite of redha. Redha is letting it be, not resisting , simply accepting,
My healing teachers teach a method of being present to our selves, ie the sensations that is going on in our bodies. It is amazing what you will find, looking inwards you will see all the rigid structures that have developed out of non allowance , all the tightness and tension. Then you just watch and observe and let it be, and the rigidiy and pain seems to become worse for a while and as you keep watching it disappears and is replaced by a senses of expansion and joy.What caused the non allowance may still be there but the reaction to it is gone, that is redha.

Important errors in communication

This is from Mushtaq ..I have made the second error of not verifying the truth of the information because of my overconfidence in my sources so you can take it with a pinch of salt if you like:

Ibn Khaldun, the father of information theory had this to say about communicating information.

There are very important things to keep in mind when saying that a bit of information being related is "true" or "false"

All information, by its very nature, is liable to error.

• The first of these errors is partisanship towards a creed or opinion.
• The second error is over ‘confidence in one's sources.
• The third error is the failure to understand what is intended by to originator of the information.
• The fourth error is a mistaken presupposition about the truth.
• The fifth error is the inability to place information in its real context.
• The sixth error is the common desire to gain favor of those of high ranks, by distorting information so as to please them.
• The seventh, and the most important error, is the ignorance of the laws governing the transformations of human society.

Its is 2007

I am sure many people have written on the New Year , what with New Year resolutions and the happenings in the world and in the country.
It seems that the last days of the solar year has not failed to produce its own shocks and for us here in Melaka it was the big floods where places that had never been underwater went underwater , along with chairs and books and clothes and tv sets etc and etc.
My family has been lucky. I think I will now put a notice on my house that says, "Flood Free Zone".
I actually saw this notice in front of a new housing area along jalan Bertam Ulu. It was on high ground and the whole of Melaka would have to be flooded before this area got flooded and the whole of Bertam Ulum would have to get flooded before my house got flooded since the house is on high ground. It has its downers for example , when I get down off the bus from KL, I have to huff and puff up the slope and , when it rains the safety switch triggers off if there is lightning but it has its upside and one of which is no floods.

Today morning , I went to the new Giant's opening day . They had sent a flyer to the house and I thought why not , since it is not too far and, we needed a lot of groceries , now that my maid is onj a holiday in Padang, Sumatra , I have no one to go to the wet marked. Here is a piece of advise from me: Never go to a hypermarket on opening day! There we were it was hardly 10 am in the morning, Giant Hypermarket opens at 8 am , and there were actually volunteers from RELA directing traffic from about a kilometer away from Giant. There were cars parked along the roadside and I was thinking don t tell me they do not have a parking lot ! They have one except it was full! We managed to park in the outside parking lot by waiting for a car to leave.

It was another hassle to get into the building because there were so many people it was like some kind of celebration and I was wondering where all these people came from ! No doubt it was a public holiday and a long weekend and the school holidays were about to end but I felt it could not explain how all these people all converged to this new hypermarked when they were doing their shoping elsewhere just the day before ! So now I was witnessing the power of Branding and the power of advertising. They had posters all over town , on the traffic light poles , on buses as well as sending the mail drops house to house. I was afraid I would not find the place but no fear., the posters all had arrows showing us exactly which roads to take !

Even though there was so many people , to my utter surprise there was still a lot of things on the shelves and we managed to get the fish the groceries the vegetables as well as some stuff that simply called out to me, Dr J and Aimi! Those little slippers for Nayya are a must and oh that wee swimming pool , she needs it...and I must get those paving stones for the garden ...
Paying for the stuff was quite another hassled but I guess Giant is one experienced Hypermarket since they had extra paying counters and staff and we managed to finish our shopping in a couple of hours which is just about the same time as when we went to Tesco about 2 kilometers away from the new Giant !

Aimi said, Ma, this hypermart is Home Grown , born in Malaysia ,we should shop here instead of at Tesco. I replied there are pros and there are cons. Did you notice how Tesco takes care of customers ? They have consideration for the handicapped and they have baby careers on their trolleys as well as special parking for families with babies .Giant on the otherhand have had some problems in the past with selling goods that are not up to safety standards. This is part of the evolution of companies, somehow in order to become caring and ethical , you have to pass through the stages of growing . It is a lot like how people grow, when we are struggling to make a living that takes up all of our time, when we stop struggling , we start to see there are things we can do better and then as we evolve we become more and more concerned about the greater good for self for family and for humanity, it is growing up. So perhaps we will help Giant in its growth by playing our role as members of the public and demand that it sets higher standards of ethics and show more caring for its customers and people!

That picture of Aimi and Dr J was at the kopitiam at the Batu Berendam Giant complex.

And if you want to read the rest of my article on communication via the net , go to my other blog

HERE

The topic is Gagal Memahami dan Menyampaikan

You just have to marvel at the faith!

Berhujah dengan Hikmah

Sejak akhir-akhir ini kita dapati ada banyak mesej board dan lama forum yang rancak berbincang berbagai topik. Kerap kali jadi penonton sebab tak tahu macam mana nak turut serta. Adakalanya kita turut serta dan dapati pendapat di hentam !
Sebagai Muslim mungkin ada baiknya kita pelajari cara yang baik untuk berkomunikasi dalam alam maya dan kita perlu bermula dengan pemikiran kritis serta otak yang peka dan sedar tentang kesilpan cara berfikir yang membuahkan andaian yang bawa kepada tindak tanduk yang tidak bernas .
Sebenarnya untuk memberi pendapat atau untuk mengemukakan pendapat kita sentiasa berisiko untuk menyentuh emosi pembaca, kerap kali sebab tak sedar apa yang boleh menimbulkan cara defensif dari orang yang beri respon . Ada beberapa cara yang akan menolong anda untuk mengelak situasi yang tegang dan salah satu cara adalah untuk mempunyai disiplin dan juga undang-undang berbincang yang baik dan dipersetujui oleh semua yang terlibat.

Paling mustahak bila kita ingin membalas penulisan seseorang adalah kita perlu terlebih dahulu memahami emosi dan pendirian penulis. Jika kita baca dengan perasaan negatif dan sudah bersedia untuk menyerang , kita tidak akan dapat faham apa yang di maksudkan .Bila kita sudah putuskan bahawa apa saja yang penulis tulis perlu kita serang, sudah tentu kita akan cepat memilih ungkapan yang pada pendapat kita adalah salah dan dengan cepat sekali kita akan tuding jari dan perlekehkan apa yang di perkatakan . Insya allah saya akan berikan contoh perkara ini kemudian.

Kedua kita perlu kenali orang yang menulis, ilmu dia, pendirian dia dan juga pengalaman hidupnya serta kemahiran yang ada padanya sebelum kita dengan cepat menghukum atau membuat andaian. Ada orang yang benci sesuatu sebab pengalaman silam yang pahit . Ada yang kita sangkakan budak beringus macam kita juga rupanya seorang yang berumur dan berpengalaman serta matang pemikiran. Jangan anggap orang begini sentiasa betul, dia pun manusua biasa, orang begini pun boleh silap tetapi pendekatan kita bila kita nak suarakan pendapat perlulah secara hormat. Lebih baik buat satu undang-undang untuk diri sendiri , tak kira siapa , kalau nak memberi pendapat yang berbeza lakukan dengan baik dan dengan rasional , bukan dengan tak lojik dan dengan membuat andaian dan mengunakan bahasa perlekehkan , perli , sinis dan sindir.

Ketiga , kalau kita tak yakin kita memahami apa yang dimaksudkan , bertanya , jangan buat andaian.

Keempat , jangan berikan pendapat seolah ia adalah fakta. Gunakan perkataan , pada pendapat saya.....
contohnya Jangan sebut " awak mengarut" tetapi katakan
"pada pendapt saya apa yang anda sebut itu tidak benar ",dan beritahu kenapa anda berpendapat begitu. Ikuti pendapat dengan keterangan yang bernas.

Kelima Elak menyerang tuan punya penulisan dan fokus pada penulisan .

Keenam Elak guna loghat yang mungkin sukar difaham oleh orang dan elak mengunakan singkatan yang menyusahkan pembaca.

Ketujuh: Jangan fokus kepada yang anda tidak setuju sahaja , sebaliknya maklumkan poin poin persetujuan

Kelapan : Berhujah untuk cari penyelesaian dan redha Allah dan untuk membawa kebaikkan dan bukan untuk saja nak sakat atau nak penuhi masa lapang

Kesembilan : Ikhlas dan jujur dalam berhujjah . Cakap benar dan jangan cakap sindir atau serong.

Kesepuluh : Kalau ada kuasa moderator, jangan gunakan untuk mematahkan hujah orang. Jangan terlalu cepat nak delete atau kunci sebab kemungkinan perbincangan ada manfaat dan pengajaran yang kita tidak ketahui . Memenangkan pendapat sendiri atau membenarkan hanya posting yang mencerminkan pendapat sendiri sahaja adalah tidak adil dan tidak hikmah.


Setakat ini dulu , kita sambung nanti dengan Bingkai Negatif dan juga contoh contoh yang akan saya ambil dari forum-forum online

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Klik di sini :Andaian yang bawa masaalah

36th Floor Le Meridien

I suppose you can recognise this famous building the National Museum?

This is the Lake Gardens, a very old landmark in Kuala Lumpur. I used to go there on weekend when I was a child.We used to have picnics there.You can just about see the Parliament building in the background

Here we are, about 400 Doctors attending the workshop.The Director General of Health officiated the meeting

I was made to attend a seminar to introduce the new rehab drug Suboxone. It is not new in a senses , since it is just a combination of Bupinorphine and Naloxone , to prevent abuse , since many Subutex patients dissolved their tablets and dose themselves IV! Anyway Le Meridien is a very good hotel . It is very easy to get to, you just walk out of KL Sentral station and go across the road and you have arrived at Le Meridien , just next door to KL Hilton. The hospitality at Le Meridien is superb! I was placed on the 36th Floor for which I will not complain for I got a very beautiful view of Kuala Lumpur and snapped some photos with my hp camera...

Nayya is 10 months

Here is my grand daughter who is 10 months and a half! She is very good natured , will smile a lot , loves her stuffed Bunny ..She wll smile and then hug it most lovingly and then fall over onto the Bunny..Just now she gave a kiss to her mummy..She can wave her hands to say bye and will shake her head vigorously if she does not want something...She is not yet walking on her own but will make you take her where she wants to go if you hold her hand ...and "walk" her...
I could go on and on about her...doting gradma that I am !

Memperlekehkan secara menyeluruh versus menghormati manusia

Memperlekehkan secara menyeluruh versus menghormati manusia (Invalidation versus respect )

“Semua lelaki tak guna!” Eja menengking selepas dia di tipu oleh seorang jejaka yang akhirnya telah menipunya dan mengambil semua duitnya serta mencabul kehormatannya. Betul atau tidak penyata yang di buat oleh Eja? Adakah benar semua lelaki itu tak guna? Adakah benar orang Melayu semua pemalas? Adakah benar semua orang putih tak bermoral? Adalah benar semua ahli politik rasuah?

Maka bila kita membuat suatu penyata yang memberi sebuah deskripsi yang menyeluruh terhadap semua anggota golongan yang disebut , itu dinamakan penyatai yang memperlekehkan seluruh kumpulan itu..

Melihat kembali kepada penyata yang dibuat oleh Eja, apa implikasi penyata ini untuk Eja? Apa pula untuk lelaki yang bermuamalah dengan Eja kelak? Bagaimana sikap Eja terhadap lelaki dan apa yang akan berlaku pada tingkah laku Eja dan seterusnya hubungan Eja dengan mana-mana lelaki?

Sebenarnya memperlekehkan secara menyeluruh mempunyai kesan yang besar kepada sikap yang akan di ambil oleh individu yang berpandangan demikian. Sikapnya adalah sikap prejudis dan prasangka terhadap golongan yang diperlekehkan. Sikap prejudis ini akan menghalang individu yang mengamalkanya dari membuat pertimbangan yang waras dan adil. Ia juga membawa pengamalnya kedalam suatu keadaan dengan menganggapkan dirinya dalam kelompok yang benar dan betul serta memandang serong orang lain dan kaum lain.

Sikap sebaliknya adalah menghormati manusia walau dari golongan mana sekalipun , bersangka baik dan menghormati orang lain dengan pendirian mereka masing-masing. Memang sukar bagi seorang untuk cuba memahami orang lain, apatah lagi jika ada perbezaan perspektif dan penglaman. Namun demikian seorang yang bersikap terbuka dan enggan meletakkan label kepada sesuatu golongan atau kumpulan akan dapati sikap terbukanya mendapat sambutan dari berbagai golongan. Mungkin orang demikian akan dapati dirinya menjadi orang tengah dalam perbalahan atau rundingan antara berbagai golongan.

Satu lagi aspek memperlekehkan secara menyeluruh adalah bila kita tidak dapat nampak sebarang kebaikkan dalam orang yang kita benci. Sebenarnya semua manusia ada baik dan ada buruk , ada salah dan ada betul. Seorang yang adil akan dapat lihat kebaikkan walaupun kebaikkan itu berada dalam orang yang dia benci dan akan dapat lihat keburukkan walaupun keburukkan itu berada dalam orang yang disayangi.Sikap adil ini dituntut dalam Islam. Banyak ayat-ayat Quran yang mengecam orang yang tidak berlaku adil. Antaranya seperti dibawah ini:

Dan barangsiapa berbuat demikian dengan melanggar hak dan aniaya, maka Kami kelak akan memasukkannya ke dalam neraka. Yang demikian itu adalah mudah bagi Allah. (QS. 4:30)

Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, jadilah kamu orang yang benar-benar penegak keadilan, menjadi saksi karena Allah biarpun terhadap dirimu sendiri atau ibu bapak dan kaum kerabatmu. Jika ia kaya ataupun miskin, maka Allah lebih tahu kemaslahatan. Maka janganlah kamu mengikuti hawa nafsu karena ingin menyimpang dari kebenaran. Dan jika kamu memutar balikkan (kata-kata) atau enggan menjadi saksi, maka sesungguhnya Allah adalah Maha Mengetahui segala apa yang kamu kerjakan. (QS. 4:135)

Hati-hatilah kita bila dapat berita atau khabar dari orang tentang orang yang sama ada kita sayang atau kita benci. Takut kita akan terlalu mudah percaya orang yang kita sayang dan terlalu mudah tidak percaya orang yang kita benci. Disebaliknya amalkanlah sikap menghormati manusia, kawan baikpun lawan dan dengan menghormati mereka, berlaku adillah terhadap meraka dengan menegur secara baik apa yang salah dan dengan menerima dengan baik apa yang betul

Dr Suriyakhatun Osman (AJK Wanita JIM Pusat)

certified professional coach

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Who did it to you?

So, you are angry...Who did it to you?

In the Coaching Power Tools class there are eight negative frames we may find ourselves in. One of the frames is Blame versus Responsibility. People in the blame mode will blame their circumstances on other people."I did it because she made me do it", or, "it is my parent's fault, I did not get enough attention when I was small ", etc and etc. Those in the blame frame of mind act as victims in that they cannot help themselves because the circumstances are not in their control. They spend time being annoyed and irritated by people and blaming others for whatever mood they are in.On the other hand, taking responsibility is taking the initiative to change.
About the moods and states we find ourselves in. The brain is very good at making up reasons why it is in any state of emotion.A person who is angry will find reasons for the anger and act on the reasons. Perhaps they will never have a clue that the anger is because of a liver problem or a bad curry meal that they had which makes them intolerent of the people around them. Perhaps an angry person would be able to deal better with the anger when they learn not to escalate their anger by focusing on being angry with people but instead work on their own anger and bring it down.
An experiment done on a person who had the connection between the two lobes of the brain cut (this was a treatment long ago for epilepsy) proves that the brain will find a reason even though it is not the real reason.
One side of the brain is connected to one eye and , what is seen only by one eye. the left eye which is connected to the right brain which is the subsconsious in a person who is right handed will not be consciously known to the person whose connection between the 2 sides have been cut ( corpus callosum)
This person's left eye was shown an image of a snow shovel . He was then shown 4 pictures depicting a house in the four seasons. He picked the picture of the house in winter. When asked why he picked out this picture, he said it reminded him of last winter and being housebound during a particularly cold weather. Of course we know the reason why he picked the picture is because he was shown an image of a snow shovel but , he did not consciously know and , his brain made up a reason. We do this all the time. So , next time you feel annoyed or irritated or intolerant, try to change your frame of blaming it on other people and find out what is wrong within yourself.

I think many crimes of passion where people picked up whatever is closest to them and just threw it at someone or stabbed someone with it are crimes of blame and misdirected anger.

There was a case in the newspapers a long time ago about a mother who beat her children to death with a broom. I frequently thought about the poor mother who did it to her children and think she did it out of uncontrolled anger, probably her anger had nothing to do with her children. I have a fear that someday someone may kill me out of anger and would have to live with this . You may think it is an insane fear but Ibn Arabi was beaten to death by someone who was angry with the truths he brought. So, it is not so far fetched.

Yesterday on the front page of the STAR was the sad picture of a woman who lost her husband to snatch thieves. When her husband prevented the thieves from snatching his wife's handbag by driving his motor faster, one of the thieves angrily kicked his wheels and the fall caused him to have a brain injury from which he died.

Anger is a violent emotion that either moves one to positive action when the anger is a right anger, or it eats one up on the inside when unexpressed or, it destroys relationships, property and even lives when wrongly expressed.

I think I understand now why a man who wrote to me chose to live alone and work alone. He knew it was the best for him and for others because he knew of his condition.He had a boderline personality disorder and became abusive to people around him .When he was angry he became abusive and intolerent of even the smallest imperfections in the people around him . I had told him I did not think it was right to isolate himself but I now think he is right when he replied that in order to have any kind of relationship with people, one has to be kind, to be tolerant and to put up with people's failings.He said he also has to learn to say sorry.Until he was able to do it, he told me, he would not let anybody suffer his company.

This guy who wrote to me had an illness with a label.The problem with having a condition which can be labelled by psychiatrists is that it makes one a victim. You can say, my brain is wired differently, the chemicals are not normal. This may very well be so. I know my whole family is prone to depression and I have had depression before when for days I could not face the world. I had also had my fair share of being angry with the world and with people around me. The whole family has a history of one neurosis or another. Does that make me a victim? Or , do I overcome it? Do I recognise the build up of depression or anger and know it is time to correct my diet or make sure I take a remedy or do my zikrs and seek out my spiritual teacher ...It is all about self awareness and knowing to create the gap between action and reaction.It is about taking charge of one's life and moving on and growing beyond the problem.Surely as the Prophet SAW promised, for every illness , there is a cure and the cure for this one is discipline , self awareness and a constant vigilance over SELF.

Deli France -Deli Malaysia

I spent Friday and Saturday in UMSC. Short for University Malaya Specialist Center. Because the canteen was still closed for the holidays, I had to buy food from Deli France.
My beloved spouse was there for surgery on his spine. The operation went well and his sciatic nerve is no longer pinched now.
I am announcing the birth of my new blog that is going to try to comment on current events in Malaysia. For this reason I have changed my blogger name to Dr Think!

Do visit Deli Malaysia and if you want to be a co writer, write to me and I would consider your application!

DELI MALAYSIA

Eid ul Fitr

This is from the Wikipedia. There is more about how it is celebrated in Malaysia if you will click on the link

Here

Eid ul-Fitr (Arabic: عيد الفطر), often abbreviated as simply Eid, sometimes spelled Eid al-Fitr in the Roman alphabet, is an Islamic holiday that marks the end of Ramadan, the month of fasting. Fitr means "to break" and therefore symbolizes the breaking of the fasting period and of all sinful habits. On the day of the celebration, a typical Muslim family gets up very early and attends special prayers held only for the occasion in mosques, in large open areas, stadiums or arenas. The prayer is generally short, and is followed by a khutba. The festivities and merriment start after the prayers with visits to the homes of friends and relatives and thanking the Creator for all blessings. Eid is a time to come together as a community and to renew friendship and family ties. This is a time for peace for all Muslims in the world to devote to prayers and mutual well-being.

It is a joyous occasion with important religious significance. Happiness is observed at attaining spiritual uplift after a month of fasting. Muslims dress in holiday attire. After attending the special congregational prayer in the morning, worshippers greet and embrace each other in a spirit of peace, love, and brotherhood. Visiting friends and relatives is common.

For Muslims, Eid ul-Fitr is a joyful celebration of the achievement of enhanced piety. It is a day of forgiveness, moral victory and peace, of congregation, fellowship, brotherhood and unity. Muslims are not only celebrating the end of fasting, but thanking God for the help and strength that they believe he gave them throughout the previous month to help them practice self-control.

Common greetings during this three-day festival are the Arabic greeting "Eid mubarak", "Eid saeed" or its Urdu variation "Eid mubarak!" which, loosely translated, means "Happy Eid!". In many parts of Southeast Asia, it is common to greet people with "Selamat Hari Raya" or "Selamat Idul Fitri" which means "Happy Eid" in Malay and Indonesian. In Indonesia and Malaysia, Muslims greet one another with "Maaf lahir dan batin" which means "I'm sorry physically and spiritually", because in Indonesia and Malaysia, Eid-ul-Fitr is not only for celebrations, it is also the time for Muslims to forgive each other

My own thoughts on the Eid I write here in Bahasa Melayu

Eid Mubarak!

Eidul Fitri hampir tiba. Ada kurang dari satu minggu untuk berpuasa . Suasana di banyak tempat meriah dan riang gembira menanti Syawl datang . Namun ada keluarga yang dilanda seribu satu dugaan menjelang Syawal ini.
Ada yang kehilangan ahli keluarga tersayang, ada yang terpisah dari keluarga sebab merantau bekerja atau belajar , dan ada lagi yang merengkok dalam tahanan atas sebab yang mungkin ya mungkin tidak.

Ada yang telah di duga dengan sakit sama ada diri sendiri atau ahli keluarga.
Ada yang di duga dengan serba kekurangan
Ada yang di duga dengan kemewahan.

Maka menjelang syawal kita akan takbir. Dalam ungkapan takbir kita akan deklarasi kemenangan. Kemenangan bagi orang yang puasa dan berjaya menundukkan nafsu , berjaya menambahkan amal dan zikr munajat, berjaya menghidupkan malam dengan merapatkan diri kepada Illahi , memperbaharui azam untuk terus menjalani kehidupan yang penuh erti.
Di sebaliknya bagi yang di duga dengan seribu satu dugaan dan dalam kegelapan dan kesempitan , adakah mampu kita lafazkan ungkapan kemenangan?

Sebenarnya kemenangan itu adalah kemenangan kita untuk masih cekal dan utuh di muka dugaan. Sama ada di duga dengan kemewahan atau dengan kehilangan atau dengan kekurangan.

Ayuh, kita menang sama-sama...

Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar waillahil Hamd!

Seeking the Night of Power

Ceramah Perdana Ramadhan at Kolej 12 MU with moderator Bidasuri and fellow panelists Shah Kirit and Ustazah Maznah Daud

There is a long explanation and a list of things one can do to benefit from the Night of Power or Lailatul Qadr.

You can read about it here .

I used to think I do not need to seek this night if I do my prayers consistently and make my supplications ( du'a) earnestly daily, surely on the night of power I would benefit from it.

Then again when I heard a fellow forum panelist talking about the Night of Power it dawned upon me that this Night would not have had a whole small surah dedicated to it had it not been a very special night. Then it struck me as being foolish not to seek this Night of nights, this night that is better than a thousand months of ordinary nights.

My fellow panelist Ustazah Maznah said this night is not found by all seekers and is only for the few who deserve to find it and the reward of finding it is experiencing a beauty beyond description and having our prayers and supplications answered .

I suppose I had always thought I am too ordinary to be given the gift of being a witness of the Night of Power, of experiencing it and knowing I was awake during this Night .

Now I am thinking, how would experiencing this Night change a person? What would a person need to have accomplished to be rewarded this Night? Do I know what I want to ask for? Do I know what I want for myself ? What is the price I have to pay for what I want and would I have what it takes.

I guess I will be seeking the night of Power in the coming days till the end of Ramadhan . I will be seeking it in the days and nights to come by making supplications, by telling God my longing for this day, by being good to people including to myself, by spending time listening to that voice that speaks to me from within, by really asking myself what do I really want with myself...