The Emotionally Intelligent Leader

This is from my book Leadership Skills for Muslims

Module 2 The Emotionally Intelligent Leader

In a nutshell

It has been found that emotional intelligence is a much better determining factor than IQ in determining the social succes of a person. An ablitiy of manage emotions , understanding emotional pain and learning to manage, not allowing emotional pain to rule ones actions , learning to balance and emotions are what this chapter is about. The topic emotional intelligence will be further expanded under different topics in the subsequent modules.

1.What is emotional Intelligence?

It is defined as the awareness of and ability to manage one's emotions in a healthy and productive manner.

An emotionally intelligent person is a person who while experiencing his/her emotions is able to acknowledge them and at the same time is able to know that emotions need not be a basis of actions. He/she is able to harness positive emotions and use them for the benefit of himself as well as others. He/she is able to transform negative emotions without supressing them , making them again a source of energy to change for the better.

"Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection, and influence." Dr. Robert K. Cooper Executive EQ: Emotional Intelligence in Leadership and Organizations, 1996, page xiii

You can read the rest of it here

Module 2 The Emotionally Intelligent Leader

You may download an evaluation copy of the Ebook here

Evaluation copy Leadership Skills for Muslims

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

The Prophet as a Role Model

This is from my book Leadership Skills for Muslims in module 6 Personal Direction.

What do you know about the Prophet ?Study these quotes and draw your own conclusions on the personality of the Prophet SAW.

As a servant of Allah?

He was once sitting with the Archangel Gabriel, and said to him: For days, I haven’t eaten anything. No sooner had he uttered this than an angel appeared and asked: ‘O Messenger of God, God greets you and asks: “Do you wish to be a Prophet-king or a Prophet-slave?” Gabriel advised him: ‘O Muhammad, be humble towards your Lord!’ Humility was in fact indispensable to the character of God’s Messenger, and he answered: I wish to be a Prophet-slave . I. Hanbal, 2.231; Haythami, 9.18.

As a father?

"Dear Ibrahim! We can't do anything for you. Divine Will can't be changed. Your father's eyes shed tears, and his heart is sad and grieved for your death. However, I will not say anything which may invite the wrath of Allah. If there had not been the true and certain promise of Allah that we too shall come after you, I would have wept more and become more grieved at the separation from you" Seerah-i Halabi, vol. III, page 34 and Bihar, vol. XXII, page 157.

As a spouse?

As reported by ‘A’isha, mother of believers, God’s Messenger patched his clothes, repaired his shoes and helped his wives with the housework.Tirmidhi, Shama’il, 78; I. Hanbal, 6.256.

As a Ruler and military commander?As a friend?

Ali describes the Prophet, upon him be peace and blessings:

God’s Messenger was the most generous of people in giving out and the mildest and the foremost of them in patience and perseverance. He was the most truthful of people in speech, the most amiable and congenial in companionship and the noblest of them in family. Whoever sees him first is stricken by awe of him but whoever knows him closely is attracted to him deeply, and whoever attempts to describe him says: ‘I have, either before him or after him, never seen the like of him, upon him be peace and blessings

Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 3880.

As a Teacher ?

"Once the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) entered the Mosque before the prayer time. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) found two groups in the Mosque. One group was busy with its own act of worship, some were reading the Holy Qur'an while the others were supplicating. The other group was in a corner busy learning. They learnt how to read and write and discussed the teachings of Islam and their application to their daily lives.

Looking at both, the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:"They are both engaged in useful pursuits. But I am a teacher. I shall join the group assembled to learn."

The book is ready, am sending it for evaluation to publiser.

You can ask me for an ebook for evaluation....it self expires after sometime but you get to read it....

Beloved

Beloved,
I know your touch
That cool warmth
Fire and ice mixed

I confide in you my bold desire
And find in you acceptance
It is I who remain resistant
Unwilling to catch fire

Yes only through burning
And becoming nothing
Will my desire
Be fulfilled,,,,,,,,,,,

I think I am in a non communicative mood these few days, which is good, since it has let me catch up on reading as well as editing some of my old work...
But it also means my blog has been neglected and I am writing this entry because I was tired of seeing my blog entry remain static!

Which reminds me ..I have some unfinished work....how do I introduce the subject of coaching, in the specific context of an usrah group to about 300 people in one hour? It has to attract people's attention, I have to make it interesting enough to hold them and before it I have to do something to make sure the people do stay because it is likely that my session, at the end of a very long day will not be fully attended...

Any ideas..?

My writing sample

Lily from my garden

What is going on with blogger?
I cannot get to the comments page to reply all your lovely comments regarding my grandchild.
Today for the first time she saw both her aunties together , She usually only manages to see them one at a time since they were off studying and the last time they were there together she was too small to recognise them.
So today, Hana is back from Manipal India for a few weeks already and Aimi just took a few days off from USU because she had sick leave . Ain looked from one to the other and looked totally confused. Ain does not take to strangers very much but seems to remember her aunties even if she had not seen them for months, So now we know she thought she had only one auntie!

Anayways Susan thanks for saying I am a talented writer, I am not too sure about that but since you gave me airs, here is my hand at writing.

I registered for this free class and was given three words and five minutes to write a paragraph and here is the result

Those words in red were the ones I had to use in one paragraph and I had to use one of the words as the beginning of the sentence. Hey maybe we can start another meme here , why don t you try your hand at this exercise?

Fire the cook! That is an order , the lady of the house said after she was unable to eat the breakfast yet again .Tasteless food is one of the worse evils of life was her opinion. She did not have much enjoyment in her life and the peak events of her day was mealtimes so it made sense for her that she should have the best cook who served delicious meals all the time. The clock on the wall pointed to 10 am. Again she was late for work. It had been more and more difficult to get up in the morning lately , perhaps it was age catching up with her . She would be very happy to laze around in bed till afternoon but could not do so because she needed to get to work. Work was the only certainty in her dull life. Perhaps if she stopped working she would die from boredom or perhaps the time on her hands would remind her of all the horrors that she had been through in her life. It was not something she could face easily and the memories that haunted her were too painful ....

Well what do you think? An honest opinion now! Will I make it as the next best selling author, another Grisham or something....

If you want the free lessons you can go HERE and sign up ....

I am not getting anything from giving you the referral and I have not bought any instruction manual...I have ordered too many tapes and cds from the internet without ever finishing ONE even...aaaaargh!!!!!

For my Muslim friends and non Muslim manufacturers!

For those who have been avoiding cheeses, favourite biscuits and other yummy foods as well as creams and dressings because they thought they were haram

The Fiqh principle of Istahala



@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Ainayya Mardhiyah

My granddaughter 1 year 2 months

Adversity Meme

I am responding to Paul's Adversity meme which you will find here.

What is a meme? You can find the answer in an earlier post of mine Here

The link to an internet article Here

Adversity to me


Adversity is another city or another Siti
It is some place or someone or something

If it is you
I cannot change you, I can only change me
How do I change me without hurting me?
Because what I do will hurt you too
And what hurts you hurts me


Adversity is another responsibility
To make things right
But to make things right is not my right
Some of the time
So adversity is waiting and watching
To see what will change
And change it will
But change is only with time
And time stands still
With adversity

Adversity is being restricted
In movement , in action,In senses
A narrowing of the spectrum of life
Not because I am deaf and blind and lame
But because I have gone dumb and numb and stiff

Adversity is pain
Mental pain
emotional pain
physical pain
And your pain
Is also my pain

Unless I numb myself
Unless I blind myself
Unless I harden myself
Unless I shield myse;f
Unless I change myself
Unless you change yourself

Adversity is waiting
Adversity is watching
Adversity is wishing
Adversity is praying
Adversity is hoping
Adversity is signal for changing

Awareness is the key

Viral States a video clip

This is a video clip of Dr Ardavan talking about pathos, ie illness. In homeopathy chronic illnesses ( which include mental and emotional states we find ourselves stuck in ..energy patterns ) have a point of origin , the stressor or pathogen which can be a trauma, physical or emotional, a chemical, or an organism and the ones that can be transmitted genetically are the viral pathogens ,

A pathos can affect the whole family, or, the whole race or sometimes the whole nation or race....maybe we can extend the idea to groups ...

The moment the consciousness of the person is made to become aware of the pathos, which over time the consciousness overlooks and ignores, then and only then the consciousness sets in motion measures that will bring about healing from the pathos...and in homeopathy we bring about that awareness by giving the person a remedy that vibrates at the frequency of the energy state of the pathos...

AWARENESS is the key

My Light of Healing Blog

I have a report on my homeopathy seminar last weekend on my other blog


Viral States


I was the chairperson and assistant facilitator rolled into one!

Tagged by Kenakalayan!

Tag-a-Rama-Thon: 6 Weird Things

I was tagged by Kenakalayan ( kena laa layan!)
Oh dear what am I to answer about 6 wierd things that I do?


1. When I am anxious , I will blow out my breath through my mouth , and you can hear it..( I just did it ...how come answering this tag is making me anxious ;-( !!

2. I will litter my bed with the contents of my bag and sometimes add a few books as well and when I am just too tired to move, I will push the items to one side and sleep...

3.I fold my left leg under my backside when I sit. It gives me a numb leg but I cannot help doing it because this is my comfort position

4. When I feel nostalgic for my childhood years I will want to eat the foods I used to eat.
Hot buttered rice, soya sauce, fried ikan kembong , mix it all well, make into balls and eat ..yum

5. I can taste people's emotions on my tongue ( Don t ask me to elaborate, it is wierd enough).

6. If I try on a new outfit and look in the mirror I will need to comb my hair....

Ok now I tag all my children Aimi Hana Aiman , Hilmi ,Maryam ....

Maslow's heirarchy of Needs in Online Communities

While searching for material for my coaching workshop I came across this! Perhaps this is why so many people are so attache d to their internet and its connections, they are trying to Self Actualise via the Net! You can read more about this HERE

From the Workshops

The Winning tower and the building team consisting of 'engineers, architects, and workers'.This group consisting of Malaysians and Nepalese did not seem to find the language barrier a hindrance to communication! You can read about the workshop HERE

Brunel group, Emotional Intelligence in the workplace

Here is the group photo for the EI workshop

At Daibocho , Making paper buildings, team work , creativity

Some of the participants at Daibochi

What is my personal symbol? This was what I chose as the winning personal symbol

Some of the participant's personal symbols , made from plasticine

Playing a game, guess the hidden leader

Daily review questions

From Higher Awareness

I am tagging Hana, Aimi, Maryam , Hilmi , Aiman , Dr J to also answer these questions. Pick a day that is meaningful :-)!

Also Kevin , Pycno, Dr Roza, Kenakalayan if they happen to drop by!

1. What was your peak experience or accomplishment in the past day?
Did my relax class and used the realizations I had about letting go of grudges, an attitude of gratitude and also introduced a zikr practice that gave me a high ....
Your main challenge?
My main challenge was balancing and neutralizing bad energy that came from a reaction I had from someone whom I felt was degrading my position by the request she made.
2. What emotional reactions, stresses or tensions were triggered in the last 24 hours?
As above, I felt insulted and had to look within myself to see what was causing it. Looks like I have to take myself down a peg or two!.
3. What decisions need to be made?
Date changes if needed of training events.Which account to use to pay for further renovation works on LOHTTC.
What problems need to be solved?
How to manage my patients wholisitically with my busy practice. Need to train Maryam and Hilmi to do energy work and persuade them to learn homeopathy.
How to put up the swimsuit ads on the Wanita JIM online shop..DONE!!
4. What early warning signals are calling for your attention?
Body stiff and aching, cough still on although reducing..Need to look into my health issues and DETOX ..when will I do it...???
5. What did you learn about yourself in the past 24 hours?
I am getting more selfaware , can see some thinking and feeling modes but am not so hard on myself and can forgive myself , this I learn from looking at my reactions to my thoughts /emotions.
6. What new ideas, insights or urges came up?
The CD I ordered on Pir Zia's lectures came in the mail but it made me listen to another CD I had for some time, and what treasures I found there..oh why did I not find the time to listen before:
I learnt a very good zikr about expanding our limitations which is essential for survival for in order to survive one must expand.
Ya Shafiq, Ya Rafiq, Najjini min kullu Diiq ( save me from all limitations)
7. What strong desires did you notice?
It is a ridiculous desire ..I had a strong desire to be seen as a Being of Light...
8. How did you experience any reflection, stillness, relaxation or fun?
By being present to my emotions and my awareness, by savouring my joyful state centered in my heart, by responding with love to loving family members
9. What can you do to improve your health, energy and memory?
Take my supplements , begin my exercise program , stop taking empty calorie foods...erk!
10. Who, including yourself, needs your acceptance or forgiveness?
The lady I was saying about, maybe my children.. I need to forgive myself as well.
11. What goals or next step are unclear or need more effort?
My zikr and meditations need more effort
12. What is your ‘critical inch’ (thanks to Richard Carlson) – your most important immediate next step?
Make sure I listen to the tapes and read the energy psychology interactive CD and do the lessons to become better at my spiritual self healing and other people healing!

About grudges

About grudges


I share something I went through recently. Somebody who started to say things behind my back and do a number of things that upset me about 10 years ago ..he was still around in town but we never met..recently died quite suddenly . My first reaction was " that is good!"

A few days ago a read about how Ibn Arabi did a zikr 75,000 times to ask forgiveness for a man who had just died. The man's bad deed was cursing Ibn Arabi 10 times per day ..I don t know for what duration of time...

When I read that, I realised I also had to ask forgiveness for this person whom I feel wronged me...perhaps he felt I wronged him, who knows...but it made me feel so much better as if a load is off my back.

I am not saying we should condone any negativity or abuse directed towards us. Indeed it needs assertiveness to ask people to stop it and to take action to prevent people from doing harm and assertiveness is necessary .

It is when we have made the right actions and we now find we have to deal with the emotion causing a pain in our somatic body.

..................................................................................................................

From Pir Vilayat Khan

Now comes the crucial test: Remember Pir o Murshid said: There must be no grudge against anybody, and no complaining of anyone having done him harm, for all these things which belong to this world, if man took them along, would become a burden on the spiritual path. The journey is difficult enough, and it becomes more difficult if there is a burden to be carried. If a person is lifting a burden of displeasure, dissatisfaction, discomfort, it is difficult to bear it on that path. It is a path to freedom, and to start on this path to freedom man must free himself

When I advocate forgiveness, I sometimes have the response: "Pir, I already feel so bad because of what that person did to me and now I feel worse because I feel criticized for not being able to forgive!" I know it is difficult, but if one wishes for illumination very strongly, then one needs to meet what it takes. Pir o Murshid gives
the clue: It is the need for freedom to progress on the path that will help one overcome resentment because one's grudge weighs upon one holding one back; one's will cannot do this.

If the transit from the past into the future is not triggered off by one's incentive in singling out a resolve or resolutions, one will slip back by dint of the law of entropy. Life is a battle against deterioration, neglect, letting go, defilement, decadence, decay, slovenliness, You will find that if you do not yourself take the initiative to bring about a change, either entropy, psychological sclerosis, will set in or a crisis will start brewing and force you to take a decision.

The cosmos has a perfunctory way of righting itself, often awkwardly, inadequately, incongruously, unfairly, that baffles our need to make sense of life, and shatters our concepts of a wise, merciful and just God. The storm let loose clears the present from the past with a thrash, ruthlessly, savagely, indiscriminately, often victimizing
innocent martyrs while sweeping tyrants into power. It is the same primitive force of nature bursting forth in galactic explosions, in the territorial combats of animals ensuring order by the pandemonium of war, or the racial vendettas still raging in our supposedly civilized world, and at the personal scale personal resentment. The
evolutionary thrust takes time to refine, and transmute this savage force into unconditional love. You find it amongst the few - the saints. This is spirituality.

When the cosmos shrieks in flashes of light and sound, lightning and thunder, it tells us of its wounds, for example, in the cries of agony of victims of torture in concentration camps, in the the agony of the whole cosmos the ordeal of the disaster wreaked by the abuse of the Universe's (God's) gift of free-will to those fractions of the cosmos which now become auto-destructive, threatening to not only disrupt
others but destroy the very totality which endowed it with free will.

Fortunately alternatively you have another option: validation of the gift of life, zest, verve. You may pick up on the screen of your mind a mountain scene at dawn, the sky radiant with many-splendor ed colored clouds while His Majesty, the Sun takes his place in this array of glory. Or you may pick up the atmosphere of sacredness of a religious celebration. Or, moving back into the 1st century you could still recall the ovations of the masses greeting Christ as he traveled on a donkey from the Mount of Olives to Gethsemene.

The psychological energy generated by pain and suffering wreaked upon the psyche by abuse, injustice, failure and for whatever reason, being frustrated if it finds no outlet in revenge, vendettas, will simmer furiously in resentment. But by calling forth the transpersonal dimensions of one's being, one transmutes personal rage in cosmic outrage, one awakens latent qualities lying in wait in the seed bed of one's psyche which will trigger off creative thoughts fashioned into creative forms having a healing and enlightening effect upon the social environment.

Some mountains are scars incurred by our Planet by explosions spewing asteroids across space that bombarded us aeons ago. Here is one more illustration of the way that violent turbulence can trigger off beauty and majesty. Likewise with our psychological tribulations: the breakdown may aver itself to be a breakthrough. Pir o Murshid says: a defeat can aver itself to be a victory.

Making a difference

Making a difference

"The spiritual life is a call to action. But it is a call to ... action without any selfish attachment to the results."

-- Eknath Easwaran

Many of us feel deeply that we want to make a difference -- we want our lives to mean something in the bigger scheme of life. While this is a noble motive, we might want to explore what lies at its root.

Does the drive to make a difference arise from ego’s need to feel worthy? If my ego is not convinced that I matter, I may want visible proof that I do by making some kind of impact on life.

Soul doesn’t need proof that it’s worthy. Soul thrives in being awake and connected. Perhaps if we let go of the pressure we feel from our ego’s need to be recognized, we will be more open and able to simply live soulfully. And by doing that, we WILL make a difference!

"A person’s worth is contingent upon who he is, not upon what he does, or how much he has. The worth of a person, or a thing, or an idea, is in being, not in doing, not in having."

-- Alice Mary Hilton

How can we make a difference in this world that we live in? Is it by changing it ?

No ...it is by changing ourselves....

Only then will we make a difference in the world

Change from blame to responsiblity
From hate to love
From invalidation to respect
From being ungrateful to being grateful
From looking at the weaknesses to focusing on strengths

post script:

I had a number of feedbacks on this posting. One of which was a spousal abuse victim. It was only when she stopped blaming that she was able to move on in her life and she felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from her. It is when you stop blaming that you stop being a victim and are empowered. Only empowered people can make a difference.

The Traveller - Book Review

I have not read this book but it comes highly recommended. Harlequin is apparently an English corruption of an Arab word read about it here:

'This strange figure is known to have operated in Spain and elsewhere in Europe. The name given the silent teacher who performed strange movements, incidentally, was aghlaq (plural aghlaqin, pronounced with a guttural "r" and European "q" as arlakeen, arlequin). This is an Arabic play upon the words for "great door" and "confused speech". There can be little doubt that his appearance to the uninitiated is perpetuated in the Harlequin.'

Reprinted by kind permission from The Sufis by Idries Shah

(Octagon Press Ltd., London)

There are several reviews here

In John Twelve Hawks' The Traveler, there are six different realms of existence, and most humans live in just one of them. Those who can travel between realms are called "Travelers" and they include some of the most influential people in history. Travelers are protected by a secret group called Harlequins. Maya, a 26-year old woman raised as a Harlequin by her father, has eschewed that choice and tried to live a normal life in London. She is convinced, though, that she must go to California to protect the Corrigan brothers. They're sons of a Traveler, and their abilities are just beginning to surface. The world is controlled by the Tabula, who keep records on every citizen in an attempt to control every aspect of public life. They are the enemies of the Travelers, and the Corrigan brothers are a threat to their power. Maya's task is made difficult by the fact that the brothers are not together, and different groups want to use them for their own purposes. A battle for the world begins to unfold. The Traveler has received positive reviews with the New York Times saying, "The Traveler is written with unlikely buoyancy. The ponderousness that afflicts so many big visionary books does not take hold here. The novel's style is page-turningly swift, and its theories are delivered without pseudoscientific harrumphing."

A note to WOW gamers

Massively Addictive

As millions continue to spend large quantities of time in virtual worlds, what effect is this having on the real one?

The eight million players of massively multiplayer online game World of Warcraft don't really change the game's world. Even if you spend all night slaying an epic dragon, it'll still be alive again in time for the next team of intrepid adventurers. But in some cases, the compelling, addictive gameplay characteristic of many massively multiplayer games can have devastating impacts on the real worlds of their players.

After World of Warcraft's first expansion pack The Burning Crusade released last month, adding a new continent to the world and a sizable stack of new adventures for players to tackle, we were inundated with tales of Warcraft woe -- stories of broken marriages, ignored friends, lost jobs, and wrecked lives. If you want to play the game at the top level, a serious commitment of time is required, and that's leading some players to neglect real-world responsibilities.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Orzack sees similarities between game addiction and more traditional behavior disorders

Massively multiplayer addiction is a real phenomenon, and it's one that's being taken increasingly seriously by medical professionals. Facilities are being set up to combat it all over the world: Washington, Bejing, and most famously at the Smith & Jones addiction consultancy in the Netherlands. Smith & Jones compares the symptoms of MMO withdrawal to those characteristic of chemical dependence, and offers a detox program followed up with a series of real-life activities intended to replace the excitement of playing MMOs with equally engaging experiences that don't require 60-hour-a-week commitments.

Closer to home, more traditional avenues of support are available to those who feel their MMO habits are getting the better of them. Maressa Hecht Orzack, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and Director of the Computer Addiction Study Center at McLean Hospital in Belmont, MA, hears from six or seven people a day seeking treatment for gaming addictions. "Look at the fact that World of Warcraft now has eight million people playing it. Even if there are just five or 10 percent who can't stop, that's a large percentage, and I hear from a lot of them."

Dr. Orzack sees similarities between MMO addiction and more traditional behavior disorders such as compulsive gambling. "The same reward center in the brain is tapped -- the dopamine system. Gambling has all the components that go with these games," she explains, citing Solitaire as a simpler example of a game that can also lead to compulsive behavior.

The Inner Journey

Masjid Jami in Delhi built by Shah Jehan and still used as a mosque.It had rained a bit and when I removed my shoes and stepped on the wet stones, the cold penetrated my feet.

I am doing my reading which I promised my spiritual teacher I was going to do.
Am sharing with you this part of the lesson:

The inner life is a journey, and before starting to take it there is a certain preparation necessary. If one is not prepared, there is always the risk of having to return before one has arrived at one's destination. When a person goes on a journey, and when he has to accomplish something, he must know what is necessary on the path and what he must take with him, in order that his journey may become easy and that he may accomplish what he has started to accomplish. One must have everything prepared, so that after reaching a certain distance one may not have to turn back.

The first thing that is necessary is to see that there is no debt to be paid. Every soul has a certain debt to pay in life; it may to be to his mother or father, his brother or sister, to his husband or wife or friend, or to his children, his race, or to humanity; and if he has not paid what is due, then there are cords with which he is inwardly tied, and they pull him back. Life in the world is fair trade, if one could only understand it, if one knew how many souls there are in this world with whom one is connected or related in some way, or whom we meet freshly every day. To everyone there is something due; and if one has not paid one's obligations, the result is that afterwards one has to pay with interest.

There is the inner justice which is working beyond the worldly justice, and when man does not observe that inner law of justice, it is because at that time he is intoxicated, his eyes are closed, and he does not really know the law of life. But that intoxication will not last; there will come a day when the eyes of every soul will be opened; and it is a pity if the eyes open when it is too late. To some consideration is due, to some respect, to some service, to some tolerance, to some forgiveness, to some help. In some way or other, in every relationship, in every connection there is something to pay; and one must know before starting the journey that one has paid it, and be sure that one has paid it in full, so there is nothing more to be paid. Besides this it is necessary that man, before starting his journey, realizes that he has fulfilled his duties, his duty to those around him and duty to God. But the one who considers his duty to those around him sacredly does his duty to God .

Hazrat Inayat Khan

Delhi in pictures