The Prophet as a Role Model

This is from my book Leadership Skills for Muslims in module 6 Personal Direction.

What do you know about the Prophet ?Study these quotes and draw your own conclusions on the personality of the Prophet SAW.

As a servant of Allah?

He was once sitting with the Archangel Gabriel, and said to him: For days, I haven’t eaten anything. No sooner had he uttered this than an angel appeared and asked: ‘O Messenger of God, God greets you and asks: “Do you wish to be a Prophet-king or a Prophet-slave?” Gabriel advised him: ‘O Muhammad, be humble towards your Lord!’ Humility was in fact indispensable to the character of God’s Messenger, and he answered: I wish to be a Prophet-slave . I. Hanbal, 2.231; Haythami, 9.18.

As a father?

"Dear Ibrahim! We can't do anything for you. Divine Will can't be changed. Your father's eyes shed tears, and his heart is sad and grieved for your death. However, I will not say anything which may invite the wrath of Allah. If there had not been the true and certain promise of Allah that we too shall come after you, I would have wept more and become more grieved at the separation from you" Seerah-i Halabi, vol. III, page 34 and Bihar, vol. XXII, page 157.

As a spouse?

As reported by ‘A’isha, mother of believers, God’s Messenger patched his clothes, repaired his shoes and helped his wives with the housework.Tirmidhi, Shama’il, 78; I. Hanbal, 6.256.

As a Ruler and military commander?As a friend?

Ali describes the Prophet, upon him be peace and blessings:

God’s Messenger was the most generous of people in giving out and the mildest and the foremost of them in patience and perseverance. He was the most truthful of people in speech, the most amiable and congenial in companionship and the noblest of them in family. Whoever sees him first is stricken by awe of him but whoever knows him closely is attracted to him deeply, and whoever attempts to describe him says: ‘I have, either before him or after him, never seen the like of him, upon him be peace and blessings

Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 3880.

As a Teacher ?

"Once the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) entered the Mosque before the prayer time. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) found two groups in the Mosque. One group was busy with its own act of worship, some were reading the Holy Qur'an while the others were supplicating. The other group was in a corner busy learning. They learnt how to read and write and discussed the teachings of Islam and their application to their daily lives.

Looking at both, the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:"They are both engaged in useful pursuits. But I am a teacher. I shall join the group assembled to learn."

The book is ready, am sending it for evaluation to publiser.

You can ask me for an ebook for evaluation....it self expires after sometime but you get to read it....

Beloved

Beloved,
I know your touch
That cool warmth
Fire and ice mixed

I confide in you my bold desire
And find in you acceptance
It is I who remain resistant
Unwilling to catch fire

Yes only through burning
And becoming nothing
Will my desire
Be fulfilled,,,,,,,,,,,

I think I am in a non communicative mood these few days, which is good, since it has let me catch up on reading as well as editing some of my old work...
But it also means my blog has been neglected and I am writing this entry because I was tired of seeing my blog entry remain static!

Which reminds me ..I have some unfinished work....how do I introduce the subject of coaching, in the specific context of an usrah group to about 300 people in one hour? It has to attract people's attention, I have to make it interesting enough to hold them and before it I have to do something to make sure the people do stay because it is likely that my session, at the end of a very long day will not be fully attended...

Any ideas..?

My writing sample

Lily from my garden

What is going on with blogger?
I cannot get to the comments page to reply all your lovely comments regarding my grandchild.
Today for the first time she saw both her aunties together , She usually only manages to see them one at a time since they were off studying and the last time they were there together she was too small to recognise them.
So today, Hana is back from Manipal India for a few weeks already and Aimi just took a few days off from USU because she had sick leave . Ain looked from one to the other and looked totally confused. Ain does not take to strangers very much but seems to remember her aunties even if she had not seen them for months, So now we know she thought she had only one auntie!

Anayways Susan thanks for saying I am a talented writer, I am not too sure about that but since you gave me airs, here is my hand at writing.

I registered for this free class and was given three words and five minutes to write a paragraph and here is the result

Those words in red were the ones I had to use in one paragraph and I had to use one of the words as the beginning of the sentence. Hey maybe we can start another meme here , why don t you try your hand at this exercise?

Fire the cook! That is an order , the lady of the house said after she was unable to eat the breakfast yet again .Tasteless food is one of the worse evils of life was her opinion. She did not have much enjoyment in her life and the peak events of her day was mealtimes so it made sense for her that she should have the best cook who served delicious meals all the time. The clock on the wall pointed to 10 am. Again she was late for work. It had been more and more difficult to get up in the morning lately , perhaps it was age catching up with her . She would be very happy to laze around in bed till afternoon but could not do so because she needed to get to work. Work was the only certainty in her dull life. Perhaps if she stopped working she would die from boredom or perhaps the time on her hands would remind her of all the horrors that she had been through in her life. It was not something she could face easily and the memories that haunted her were too painful ....

Well what do you think? An honest opinion now! Will I make it as the next best selling author, another Grisham or something....

If you want the free lessons you can go HERE and sign up ....

I am not getting anything from giving you the referral and I have not bought any instruction manual...I have ordered too many tapes and cds from the internet without ever finishing ONE even...aaaaargh!!!!!

For my Muslim friends and non Muslim manufacturers!

For those who have been avoiding cheeses, favourite biscuits and other yummy foods as well as creams and dressings because they thought they were haram

The Fiqh principle of Istahala



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Ainayya Mardhiyah

My granddaughter 1 year 2 months

Adversity Meme

I am responding to Paul's Adversity meme which you will find here.

What is a meme? You can find the answer in an earlier post of mine Here

The link to an internet article Here

Adversity to me


Adversity is another city or another Siti
It is some place or someone or something

If it is you
I cannot change you, I can only change me
How do I change me without hurting me?
Because what I do will hurt you too
And what hurts you hurts me


Adversity is another responsibility
To make things right
But to make things right is not my right
Some of the time
So adversity is waiting and watching
To see what will change
And change it will
But change is only with time
And time stands still
With adversity

Adversity is being restricted
In movement , in action,In senses
A narrowing of the spectrum of life
Not because I am deaf and blind and lame
But because I have gone dumb and numb and stiff

Adversity is pain
Mental pain
emotional pain
physical pain
And your pain
Is also my pain

Unless I numb myself
Unless I blind myself
Unless I harden myself
Unless I shield myse;f
Unless I change myself
Unless you change yourself

Adversity is waiting
Adversity is watching
Adversity is wishing
Adversity is praying
Adversity is hoping
Adversity is signal for changing

Awareness is the key

Viral States a video clip

This is a video clip of Dr Ardavan talking about pathos, ie illness. In homeopathy chronic illnesses ( which include mental and emotional states we find ourselves stuck in ..energy patterns ) have a point of origin , the stressor or pathogen which can be a trauma, physical or emotional, a chemical, or an organism and the ones that can be transmitted genetically are the viral pathogens ,

A pathos can affect the whole family, or, the whole race or sometimes the whole nation or race....maybe we can extend the idea to groups ...

The moment the consciousness of the person is made to become aware of the pathos, which over time the consciousness overlooks and ignores, then and only then the consciousness sets in motion measures that will bring about healing from the pathos...and in homeopathy we bring about that awareness by giving the person a remedy that vibrates at the frequency of the energy state of the pathos...

AWARENESS is the key

My Light of Healing Blog

I have a report on my homeopathy seminar last weekend on my other blog


Viral States


I was the chairperson and assistant facilitator rolled into one!

Tagged by Kenakalayan!

Tag-a-Rama-Thon: 6 Weird Things

I was tagged by Kenakalayan ( kena laa layan!)
Oh dear what am I to answer about 6 wierd things that I do?


1. When I am anxious , I will blow out my breath through my mouth , and you can hear it..( I just did it ...how come answering this tag is making me anxious ;-( !!

2. I will litter my bed with the contents of my bag and sometimes add a few books as well and when I am just too tired to move, I will push the items to one side and sleep...

3.I fold my left leg under my backside when I sit. It gives me a numb leg but I cannot help doing it because this is my comfort position

4. When I feel nostalgic for my childhood years I will want to eat the foods I used to eat.
Hot buttered rice, soya sauce, fried ikan kembong , mix it all well, make into balls and eat ..yum

5. I can taste people's emotions on my tongue ( Don t ask me to elaborate, it is wierd enough).

6. If I try on a new outfit and look in the mirror I will need to comb my hair....

Ok now I tag all my children Aimi Hana Aiman , Hilmi ,Maryam ....

Maslow's heirarchy of Needs in Online Communities

While searching for material for my coaching workshop I came across this! Perhaps this is why so many people are so attache d to their internet and its connections, they are trying to Self Actualise via the Net! You can read more about this HERE

From the Workshops

The Winning tower and the building team consisting of 'engineers, architects, and workers'.This group consisting of Malaysians and Nepalese did not seem to find the language barrier a hindrance to communication! You can read about the workshop HERE

Brunel group, Emotional Intelligence in the workplace

Here is the group photo for the EI workshop

At Daibocho , Making paper buildings, team work , creativity

Some of the participants at Daibochi

What is my personal symbol? This was what I chose as the winning personal symbol

Some of the participant's personal symbols , made from plasticine

Playing a game, guess the hidden leader

Daily review questions

From Higher Awareness

I am tagging Hana, Aimi, Maryam , Hilmi , Aiman , Dr J to also answer these questions. Pick a day that is meaningful :-)!

Also Kevin , Pycno, Dr Roza, Kenakalayan if they happen to drop by!

1. What was your peak experience or accomplishment in the past day?
Did my relax class and used the realizations I had about letting go of grudges, an attitude of gratitude and also introduced a zikr practice that gave me a high ....
Your main challenge?
My main challenge was balancing and neutralizing bad energy that came from a reaction I had from someone whom I felt was degrading my position by the request she made.
2. What emotional reactions, stresses or tensions were triggered in the last 24 hours?
As above, I felt insulted and had to look within myself to see what was causing it. Looks like I have to take myself down a peg or two!.
3. What decisions need to be made?
Date changes if needed of training events.Which account to use to pay for further renovation works on LOHTTC.
What problems need to be solved?
How to manage my patients wholisitically with my busy practice. Need to train Maryam and Hilmi to do energy work and persuade them to learn homeopathy.
How to put up the swimsuit ads on the Wanita JIM online shop..DONE!!
4. What early warning signals are calling for your attention?
Body stiff and aching, cough still on although reducing..Need to look into my health issues and DETOX ..when will I do it...???
5. What did you learn about yourself in the past 24 hours?
I am getting more selfaware , can see some thinking and feeling modes but am not so hard on myself and can forgive myself , this I learn from looking at my reactions to my thoughts /emotions.
6. What new ideas, insights or urges came up?
The CD I ordered on Pir Zia's lectures came in the mail but it made me listen to another CD I had for some time, and what treasures I found there..oh why did I not find the time to listen before:
I learnt a very good zikr about expanding our limitations which is essential for survival for in order to survive one must expand.
Ya Shafiq, Ya Rafiq, Najjini min kullu Diiq ( save me from all limitations)
7. What strong desires did you notice?
It is a ridiculous desire ..I had a strong desire to be seen as a Being of Light...
8. How did you experience any reflection, stillness, relaxation or fun?
By being present to my emotions and my awareness, by savouring my joyful state centered in my heart, by responding with love to loving family members
9. What can you do to improve your health, energy and memory?
Take my supplements , begin my exercise program , stop taking empty calorie foods...erk!
10. Who, including yourself, needs your acceptance or forgiveness?
The lady I was saying about, maybe my children.. I need to forgive myself as well.
11. What goals or next step are unclear or need more effort?
My zikr and meditations need more effort
12. What is your ‘critical inch’ (thanks to Richard Carlson) – your most important immediate next step?
Make sure I listen to the tapes and read the energy psychology interactive CD and do the lessons to become better at my spiritual self healing and other people healing!

About grudges

About grudges


I share something I went through recently. Somebody who started to say things behind my back and do a number of things that upset me about 10 years ago ..he was still around in town but we never met..recently died quite suddenly . My first reaction was " that is good!"

A few days ago a read about how Ibn Arabi did a zikr 75,000 times to ask forgiveness for a man who had just died. The man's bad deed was cursing Ibn Arabi 10 times per day ..I don t know for what duration of time...

When I read that, I realised I also had to ask forgiveness for this person whom I feel wronged me...perhaps he felt I wronged him, who knows...but it made me feel so much better as if a load is off my back.

I am not saying we should condone any negativity or abuse directed towards us. Indeed it needs assertiveness to ask people to stop it and to take action to prevent people from doing harm and assertiveness is necessary .

It is when we have made the right actions and we now find we have to deal with the emotion causing a pain in our somatic body.

..................................................................................................................

From Pir Vilayat Khan

Now comes the crucial test: Remember Pir o Murshid said: There must be no grudge against anybody, and no complaining of anyone having done him harm, for all these things which belong to this world, if man took them along, would become a burden on the spiritual path. The journey is difficult enough, and it becomes more difficult if there is a burden to be carried. If a person is lifting a burden of displeasure, dissatisfaction, discomfort, it is difficult to bear it on that path. It is a path to freedom, and to start on this path to freedom man must free himself

When I advocate forgiveness, I sometimes have the response: "Pir, I already feel so bad because of what that person did to me and now I feel worse because I feel criticized for not being able to forgive!" I know it is difficult, but if one wishes for illumination very strongly, then one needs to meet what it takes. Pir o Murshid gives
the clue: It is the need for freedom to progress on the path that will help one overcome resentment because one's grudge weighs upon one holding one back; one's will cannot do this.

If the transit from the past into the future is not triggered off by one's incentive in singling out a resolve or resolutions, one will slip back by dint of the law of entropy. Life is a battle against deterioration, neglect, letting go, defilement, decadence, decay, slovenliness, You will find that if you do not yourself take the initiative to bring about a change, either entropy, psychological sclerosis, will set in or a crisis will start brewing and force you to take a decision.

The cosmos has a perfunctory way of righting itself, often awkwardly, inadequately, incongruously, unfairly, that baffles our need to make sense of life, and shatters our concepts of a wise, merciful and just God. The storm let loose clears the present from the past with a thrash, ruthlessly, savagely, indiscriminately, often victimizing
innocent martyrs while sweeping tyrants into power. It is the same primitive force of nature bursting forth in galactic explosions, in the territorial combats of animals ensuring order by the pandemonium of war, or the racial vendettas still raging in our supposedly civilized world, and at the personal scale personal resentment. The
evolutionary thrust takes time to refine, and transmute this savage force into unconditional love. You find it amongst the few - the saints. This is spirituality.

When the cosmos shrieks in flashes of light and sound, lightning and thunder, it tells us of its wounds, for example, in the cries of agony of victims of torture in concentration camps, in the the agony of the whole cosmos the ordeal of the disaster wreaked by the abuse of the Universe's (God's) gift of free-will to those fractions of the cosmos which now become auto-destructive, threatening to not only disrupt
others but destroy the very totality which endowed it with free will.

Fortunately alternatively you have another option: validation of the gift of life, zest, verve. You may pick up on the screen of your mind a mountain scene at dawn, the sky radiant with many-splendor ed colored clouds while His Majesty, the Sun takes his place in this array of glory. Or you may pick up the atmosphere of sacredness of a religious celebration. Or, moving back into the 1st century you could still recall the ovations of the masses greeting Christ as he traveled on a donkey from the Mount of Olives to Gethsemene.

The psychological energy generated by pain and suffering wreaked upon the psyche by abuse, injustice, failure and for whatever reason, being frustrated if it finds no outlet in revenge, vendettas, will simmer furiously in resentment. But by calling forth the transpersonal dimensions of one's being, one transmutes personal rage in cosmic outrage, one awakens latent qualities lying in wait in the seed bed of one's psyche which will trigger off creative thoughts fashioned into creative forms having a healing and enlightening effect upon the social environment.

Some mountains are scars incurred by our Planet by explosions spewing asteroids across space that bombarded us aeons ago. Here is one more illustration of the way that violent turbulence can trigger off beauty and majesty. Likewise with our psychological tribulations: the breakdown may aver itself to be a breakthrough. Pir o Murshid says: a defeat can aver itself to be a victory.

Making a difference

Making a difference

"The spiritual life is a call to action. But it is a call to ... action without any selfish attachment to the results."

-- Eknath Easwaran

Many of us feel deeply that we want to make a difference -- we want our lives to mean something in the bigger scheme of life. While this is a noble motive, we might want to explore what lies at its root.

Does the drive to make a difference arise from ego’s need to feel worthy? If my ego is not convinced that I matter, I may want visible proof that I do by making some kind of impact on life.

Soul doesn’t need proof that it’s worthy. Soul thrives in being awake and connected. Perhaps if we let go of the pressure we feel from our ego’s need to be recognized, we will be more open and able to simply live soulfully. And by doing that, we WILL make a difference!

"A person’s worth is contingent upon who he is, not upon what he does, or how much he has. The worth of a person, or a thing, or an idea, is in being, not in doing, not in having."

-- Alice Mary Hilton

How can we make a difference in this world that we live in? Is it by changing it ?

No ...it is by changing ourselves....

Only then will we make a difference in the world

Change from blame to responsiblity
From hate to love
From invalidation to respect
From being ungrateful to being grateful
From looking at the weaknesses to focusing on strengths

post script:

I had a number of feedbacks on this posting. One of which was a spousal abuse victim. It was only when she stopped blaming that she was able to move on in her life and she felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from her. It is when you stop blaming that you stop being a victim and are empowered. Only empowered people can make a difference.

The Traveller - Book Review

I have not read this book but it comes highly recommended. Harlequin is apparently an English corruption of an Arab word read about it here:

'This strange figure is known to have operated in Spain and elsewhere in Europe. The name given the silent teacher who performed strange movements, incidentally, was aghlaq (plural aghlaqin, pronounced with a guttural "r" and European "q" as arlakeen, arlequin). This is an Arabic play upon the words for "great door" and "confused speech". There can be little doubt that his appearance to the uninitiated is perpetuated in the Harlequin.'

Reprinted by kind permission from The Sufis by Idries Shah

(Octagon Press Ltd., London)

There are several reviews here

In John Twelve Hawks' The Traveler, there are six different realms of existence, and most humans live in just one of them. Those who can travel between realms are called "Travelers" and they include some of the most influential people in history. Travelers are protected by a secret group called Harlequins. Maya, a 26-year old woman raised as a Harlequin by her father, has eschewed that choice and tried to live a normal life in London. She is convinced, though, that she must go to California to protect the Corrigan brothers. They're sons of a Traveler, and their abilities are just beginning to surface. The world is controlled by the Tabula, who keep records on every citizen in an attempt to control every aspect of public life. They are the enemies of the Travelers, and the Corrigan brothers are a threat to their power. Maya's task is made difficult by the fact that the brothers are not together, and different groups want to use them for their own purposes. A battle for the world begins to unfold. The Traveler has received positive reviews with the New York Times saying, "The Traveler is written with unlikely buoyancy. The ponderousness that afflicts so many big visionary books does not take hold here. The novel's style is page-turningly swift, and its theories are delivered without pseudoscientific harrumphing."

A note to WOW gamers

Massively Addictive

As millions continue to spend large quantities of time in virtual worlds, what effect is this having on the real one?

The eight million players of massively multiplayer online game World of Warcraft don't really change the game's world. Even if you spend all night slaying an epic dragon, it'll still be alive again in time for the next team of intrepid adventurers. But in some cases, the compelling, addictive gameplay characteristic of many massively multiplayer games can have devastating impacts on the real worlds of their players.

After World of Warcraft's first expansion pack The Burning Crusade released last month, adding a new continent to the world and a sizable stack of new adventures for players to tackle, we were inundated with tales of Warcraft woe -- stories of broken marriages, ignored friends, lost jobs, and wrecked lives. If you want to play the game at the top level, a serious commitment of time is required, and that's leading some players to neglect real-world responsibilities.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Orzack sees similarities between game addiction and more traditional behavior disorders

Massively multiplayer addiction is a real phenomenon, and it's one that's being taken increasingly seriously by medical professionals. Facilities are being set up to combat it all over the world: Washington, Bejing, and most famously at the Smith & Jones addiction consultancy in the Netherlands. Smith & Jones compares the symptoms of MMO withdrawal to those characteristic of chemical dependence, and offers a detox program followed up with a series of real-life activities intended to replace the excitement of playing MMOs with equally engaging experiences that don't require 60-hour-a-week commitments.

Closer to home, more traditional avenues of support are available to those who feel their MMO habits are getting the better of them. Maressa Hecht Orzack, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and Director of the Computer Addiction Study Center at McLean Hospital in Belmont, MA, hears from six or seven people a day seeking treatment for gaming addictions. "Look at the fact that World of Warcraft now has eight million people playing it. Even if there are just five or 10 percent who can't stop, that's a large percentage, and I hear from a lot of them."

Dr. Orzack sees similarities between MMO addiction and more traditional behavior disorders such as compulsive gambling. "The same reward center in the brain is tapped -- the dopamine system. Gambling has all the components that go with these games," she explains, citing Solitaire as a simpler example of a game that can also lead to compulsive behavior.

The Inner Journey

Masjid Jami in Delhi built by Shah Jehan and still used as a mosque.It had rained a bit and when I removed my shoes and stepped on the wet stones, the cold penetrated my feet.

I am doing my reading which I promised my spiritual teacher I was going to do.
Am sharing with you this part of the lesson:

The inner life is a journey, and before starting to take it there is a certain preparation necessary. If one is not prepared, there is always the risk of having to return before one has arrived at one's destination. When a person goes on a journey, and when he has to accomplish something, he must know what is necessary on the path and what he must take with him, in order that his journey may become easy and that he may accomplish what he has started to accomplish. One must have everything prepared, so that after reaching a certain distance one may not have to turn back.

The first thing that is necessary is to see that there is no debt to be paid. Every soul has a certain debt to pay in life; it may to be to his mother or father, his brother or sister, to his husband or wife or friend, or to his children, his race, or to humanity; and if he has not paid what is due, then there are cords with which he is inwardly tied, and they pull him back. Life in the world is fair trade, if one could only understand it, if one knew how many souls there are in this world with whom one is connected or related in some way, or whom we meet freshly every day. To everyone there is something due; and if one has not paid one's obligations, the result is that afterwards one has to pay with interest.

There is the inner justice which is working beyond the worldly justice, and when man does not observe that inner law of justice, it is because at that time he is intoxicated, his eyes are closed, and he does not really know the law of life. But that intoxication will not last; there will come a day when the eyes of every soul will be opened; and it is a pity if the eyes open when it is too late. To some consideration is due, to some respect, to some service, to some tolerance, to some forgiveness, to some help. In some way or other, in every relationship, in every connection there is something to pay; and one must know before starting the journey that one has paid it, and be sure that one has paid it in full, so there is nothing more to be paid. Besides this it is necessary that man, before starting his journey, realizes that he has fulfilled his duties, his duty to those around him and duty to God. But the one who considers his duty to those around him sacredly does his duty to God .

Hazrat Inayat Khan

Delhi in pictures

In the shade of Hazrat Nizamudin

I am back from Delhi
The first two days I spent in the Chilla of Hazrat Nizamudin Auliya listening to my teacher.It is located just after the Humayun tomb and gardens a heritage monument of the Moghul kings.
It was shady and cool there , bright with no direct sun, surrounded by the sound of birds and tombs of Hazrat Nizamuddin's followers. The meditation room in the front was locked so we could only peek in.In front of this room was a small alcove that people used for Muslim prayers .

The back of this meditation rooms was in ruins , it used to house Hazrat Nizamudin's sleeping quarters as well as the stores perhaps that housed the food donations that were received daily. It was Hazrat Nizamudin's own rules that no food or donation should be kept overnight, all should be distributed the same day that it came. Hazrat Nizamudin left instructions not to repair the place which is probably why it has become ruins over the more than 500 years that have passed.


Sharing with you something my Sufi teacher taught in the 2 day meeting we had with him at the Chilla of Hazrat Nizamudin Auliya .
This is about Rabb.
Rabb means Lord, Where we get our tarbiyyah which means education, lovingly raising as we raise children or raising and growing plants , teaching, protecting,
Also the Cheriser of humanity

When Allah asked, Alastu bi Rabbikum ( Am I not your Rabb?)
The soul answered Balaaaaaa ( Yes)
The answer carried the soul trhough the planes of becoming ..and the soul is placed in a human form....in the womb of our human mother....
Hence we need to 'remember' ( zikr) our origins in the Angelic planes and the key to this rememberence is Prayer ( Doa and Salat)

The Message:
There is only ONE message, and there is One guidance which has a role in every single place of Human evolution.It is said in the Quran there are 124,000 prophets and prophetesses send to mankind, some made known and some unknown and all of them brought just One message that was suited to the perspective of the nation and time it was sent.It is that people over time made it seem that each message was exclusive and it lost its universal nature and became restrictive.

These are some points we may want to dwell upon:

"There is an unfolding pf the horizon of meaning in the world
The Divine Wish evolves and developes in our own process of unfolding
The Amanah for us :A responsibility to participate consciously and sincerely to open to the future which we cannot know yet.
Our body is the flow of humanity through time
Our bodies are the single cells of one planetary being . The soul has a longer memory before the creation of the body and before the creation of the earth."

My other blog

I just updated by other blog with an entry about jumping to conclusions. It is in Bahasa Melayu. I am trying to write in English here and in BM on the other blog .

JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS

Somatic Healing and Energy Psychology

I attended a 2 day workshop at the Nanyang Siang Pao Multipurpose Hall on Tuesday and Wednesday this week. I went with my son Ahmad Hilmi. He is learning so much so quickly , his path to healing himself is transforming him into a healer!
Learnt some great stuff that complemented my knowledge and practice of energy healing and discovered some interesting facts about Nanyang Siang Pao Press

About Nanyang Siang Pao: A Chinese Newspaper daily that has a philanthropic Foundation called Nanyang Press Foundation. It was the Foundation which organised the two day workshop apropriately titled The Body as an Ultimate Healer.They help single again women , youth , disaster victims and work with NGOS in areas needing social welfare help. It is the only newspaper in Malaysia that has such a foundation.

The workshop was conducted by Dr Maggie Phillips , a licensed psychologist practising in Oakland California.
She has a whole string of qualifications , has writen books and clinical papers and most of all , she is a great healer.

I met some wonderful people including a Salma, Chinese Muslim counselling student studying at MU and a very caring insurance agent named May , both of whom I had the honor of doing practises with.

The only negative I have to say on the workshop is that there was too little time and too many people at the workshop , almost 200 . I would have liked a much smaller workshop but it was more than ok for the small token sum paid, RM80 .
I ended up paying more than RM100 to order her book and perhaps would be poorer by RM 1000 if I enrolled for her online course .

It is just so comforting to have my work affirmed by her. I had known of the tremendous benefit of Somatic Healing and Energy Psychology via my Energy Healing work and also my Emotional Freedom Technique but to have her demonstrate almost exactly what I did in my practice and to have her demonstrate the beneficial effects of EFT simply made it whole for me . She has words to explain in terms people could easily relate to stuff I knew only in terms of spirituality. It gives me a language to communicate what I do to people not exposed to the subtel energies. I know she is a medical intuitive and was extremely sensitive to people's energies even though she did not say so . The way she knew what the client was feeling showed this. I was called to be a client one time and experienced this first hand!. It is difficult to find people who understood the work I do here in Melaka and even in Malaysia and I am glad someone is going around spreading this knowledge ! I feel less lonely now!

Which Sci Fi Character do I match?

Got this from Mushtaq's blog....

Galadriel


Possessing a rare combination of wisdom and humility, while serenely dominating your environment you selflessly use your powers to care for others.

Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

Galadriel is a character in the Middle-Earth universe. You can read more about her at the Galadriel Worshippers Army.

Viral Outbreak!

I found myself ill on Friday! It started with a runny nose, next day my tonsils felt slightly painful and by Sunday my body was aching. On Monday , I was having a fever, I may have had it earlier but it was only on Monday morning that I recorded my temperature at 37.8C, On Tuesday I was better from the fever but started having terrible cramps in my stomach which was pretty distended. I could not eat for the whole day , could only manage water and some fruits and cendol!
The cramps were so bad I was absolutely miserable. The next day , I still had cramps but it was less. Then I found the perfect homeopathic remedy for it, actually I had found it a day earlier only I gave it to my grand daughter and my son in law and it worked fine for them ...by this tim 3 more members of my family were affected.My daughter, granddaughter and son in law. I also started seeing more and more cases of the same fever, runny nose cramps vomiting and diarrhea.

After a dose of the remedy Cina 30c , I passed flatus ( oh the blessing of being able to pass flatus) and from then on I began to feel better and better....except that now I have this slight cough....

So , this is just to inform you , there is a kind of virus around that gives you the whole deal.
I suspect it is an adenovirus rather than a rotavirus or a Norwalk virus because it seems to be spread by airborne rather than water borne. Why I say this is because of the rapid manner of its spread as well as the components of runny nose , tonsillar affection and sore throat.

Anyway , now my maid, my hubby and my son are affected....
It seems like there is no escape!!

Good thing I have the remedies....
So what is my advise if you get the viral infection?
I think the most troublesome and potentially serious part is the vomiting and the diarrhea.This is potentially dangerous for old people and infants.
The vomiting is self limiting which means it stops itself in about one day and the diarrhea and stomach cramps also go away pretty fast but you have to avoid irritating food and also irritating medications such is NSAID s like Ibuprofen ,Aspirin , Diclofenac etc. Take rehydrating salts, fluids and non sour fruits and juices as well as rice porridge and boiled barley. For the cramps you can take buscopan if you like. If you have a homeopathic pharmacy nearby you may try Cina30 c. It may not be the remedy you need though ..best to consult a homeopath.

My own worst enemy

I have been attending a train the trainers session , six days of last week. And , I found out I am my own worst enemy.
I am a natural at facilitating , I do a good job especially when I am well prepared.
Unfortunately , when my facilitating is under scrutiny and I am being examined, I kind of get so worked up , and so fearful of the fellow trainers who are very likely to give me a hard time that I become fierce.
So I realise , if only I focus and center myself in my heart space , am sincere and gentle as I know I am capable of , I won t become fierce...
Lesson learnt ..how long will I remember and not do it to myself again?????

Between Love and Fear

In response to some questions

I think we have on this list tried to define what it means to love God.

As for fear of Shirk as you defined it here:

>>>the Unforgivable Sin of Shirk, or associating partners with Allah (S.W.T.). I assume that associating partners with Allah includes loving them with the same intensity that one should love Allah.<<
And you ask the question:

>>>Where does Love end and Worship begin, and vice versa? And since Allah is the only One worthy of our worship, how do we protect ourselves from "worshipping" something or someone else, thus commiting Shirk, while all along we are assuming that we are merely "loving" or "admiring"?????...snip...Hence my fear that "Hell's gates might open up and suck me in" in relation to "loving" my new car.<<<
There is a lot of fear being expressed so it comes to : Wanting to do what is right by 'God's definition of right ' to avoid Hell.

There is nothing wrong with this: Avoiding hell is instinctive if we equate hell with eternal damnation and destruction misery and pain everlasting.

Going back to your questions , let us try to define some words mentioned;

Worship:On a literal level and in a simplistic way it means the formal acts of worship such as formal praying , bowing to statues ,ceremonies to show allegience and obedience to the object of worship. On a deeper level it means to obey and to love the object of worship to be loyal to. So here we can see love as part of the worship .

Shirk: To take other objects/people other than the REAL to worship which means to pray to , to show allegience to , to love and to obey.

In a simplistic way we point our finger at polytheists those who have many Gods, such as what we understand about Hindu and Greek beliefs . But if we knew it in a deeper way , the ones who really understood knew that these many Gods were attributes of God just as in the 99 names and the qualities of God that we learn in Islam

We learn from our holy books that there are those who take their lusts as their gods and money as their god , sacrifice their convictions for the sake of material gain or the love of a woman .So these are the finer points of shirk that we could become aware of.

How then does one avoid shirk especially the finer points of it, like when we deeply love something so much so it takes us away from our focus of worshipping God, or takes over from our worshipping God?

We hear in Hadith that a sahabah gave away his garden because he enjoyed it too much and was afraid it would distract him from God. I somehow doubt I would give away a beautiful garden because for me , it would make me closer to God for the beauty would be a manifestation of God but that does not mean the sahabah was wrong because he did what was right for him at the stage that he was in.

Many of us were brought up on big helpings of fear and guilt over doing what is 'right' and avoiding what is 'wrong'.Perhaps it was needed to keep us from spoiling the focus of our spiritual journey with the false gods of hedonism and sexual promiscuity and the simple game rules helped us to have some order in our lives so that we had the space to reflect and grow .When the fear and guilt become barriers and obstacles to our spiritual growth is when we have to take a stock of where our convictions and beliefs are taking us , or not taking us .

Can we believe instead in a kind and merciful God who will come running to us when we take our faltering baby steps towards Hu. Who will open to us the secrets of Love and Truth when we stand before Hu with longing and hope and trembling in fear of not getting close to Hu?

What are game rules?

About game rule:

Many people are simply scripted into doing what is right and by what is right is meant what is right in the society we are in . Which is why 'what is right ' according to society is never good enough for those whose conscience are awakened enough to be aware that society is not always in alignment with the ultimate TRUTH which is another way of understanding God.

More on God

God is Beauty in its utmost beauty, Justice in its utmost and Truth because there is no truth except the truth God created.
So those who love truth , beauty and justice are lovers of God as well. They manifest their love by loving God in God's manifestations.

How to love God

These thoughts came up out of discussions on the sufi studies list


Steven Covey said love is a doing word. What he meant is that love finds expression in deeds. So your remaining attentive of the moment is a manifestation of your love of God since it is what scriptures and those enlightened beings tell us is what is required of us.

For me, it makes no sense to say you love God and then go against God's wishes, of course then you want to know, What are God's wishes for me?

Depending on what one's convictions are, religious duties would be part of doing God's wish. but having said that, there are very many levels of doing God's wish and on the lowest level I think people approach God as someone in authority to pander up to in order to get what they want.
This always conjures up the memory of my doing my hajj way back in '86. I had so much difficulty doing tawaf and saiei because of some self centered groups who literally elbowed everybody left and right , shoved and pushed so they could please God...

Now I am going on to why people perform religious duties: Presumably it is out of love for God but we find out that love can be pandering up to authority , or fear of authority , like when you are aftaid God would throw you into hellfire or make you fall and break your head and this fear keeps you doing what you think is God's will.


We move up another level and that is when you are blessed with the sensations of an awakened heart. At this level , you kind of have something of a link with God, just like when you are in love with someone and are sensitive to the nuances of their approval and disapproval and at this point you just don t want to do anything that makes the beloved distance themselves from you , and in this case you can feel it in your self when God communicates from within you.

At this level you keep trying and trying to understand the communication and keep trying to do what is oomunicated to you and more and more you do things out of an inner Yaqin rather than " I think this should be it" But it is at this point too that ego gets in
the way and some people start to think they are holy ..... or something like that....

Redha

Question: What is redha? I looked up "redha" but all I got were references to some soccer player....what does it mean?

My answer
Redha is probably a popular name so you get a soccer player named Redha.
You know when things happen to you and you react to it by resisting and not allowing and denial? That is the opposite of redha. Redha is letting it be, not resisting , simply accepting,
My healing teachers teach a method of being present to our selves, ie the sensations that is going on in our bodies. It is amazing what you will find, looking inwards you will see all the rigid structures that have developed out of non allowance , all the tightness and tension. Then you just watch and observe and let it be, and the rigidiy and pain seems to become worse for a while and as you keep watching it disappears and is replaced by a senses of expansion and joy.What caused the non allowance may still be there but the reaction to it is gone, that is redha.

Important errors in communication

This is from Mushtaq ..I have made the second error of not verifying the truth of the information because of my overconfidence in my sources so you can take it with a pinch of salt if you like:

Ibn Khaldun, the father of information theory had this to say about communicating information.

There are very important things to keep in mind when saying that a bit of information being related is "true" or "false"

All information, by its very nature, is liable to error.

• The first of these errors is partisanship towards a creed or opinion.
• The second error is over ‘confidence in one's sources.
• The third error is the failure to understand what is intended by to originator of the information.
• The fourth error is a mistaken presupposition about the truth.
• The fifth error is the inability to place information in its real context.
• The sixth error is the common desire to gain favor of those of high ranks, by distorting information so as to please them.
• The seventh, and the most important error, is the ignorance of the laws governing the transformations of human society.

Its is 2007

I am sure many people have written on the New Year , what with New Year resolutions and the happenings in the world and in the country.
It seems that the last days of the solar year has not failed to produce its own shocks and for us here in Melaka it was the big floods where places that had never been underwater went underwater , along with chairs and books and clothes and tv sets etc and etc.
My family has been lucky. I think I will now put a notice on my house that says, "Flood Free Zone".
I actually saw this notice in front of a new housing area along jalan Bertam Ulu. It was on high ground and the whole of Melaka would have to be flooded before this area got flooded and the whole of Bertam Ulum would have to get flooded before my house got flooded since the house is on high ground. It has its downers for example , when I get down off the bus from KL, I have to huff and puff up the slope and , when it rains the safety switch triggers off if there is lightning but it has its upside and one of which is no floods.

Today morning , I went to the new Giant's opening day . They had sent a flyer to the house and I thought why not , since it is not too far and, we needed a lot of groceries , now that my maid is onj a holiday in Padang, Sumatra , I have no one to go to the wet marked. Here is a piece of advise from me: Never go to a hypermarket on opening day! There we were it was hardly 10 am in the morning, Giant Hypermarket opens at 8 am , and there were actually volunteers from RELA directing traffic from about a kilometer away from Giant. There were cars parked along the roadside and I was thinking don t tell me they do not have a parking lot ! They have one except it was full! We managed to park in the outside parking lot by waiting for a car to leave.

It was another hassle to get into the building because there were so many people it was like some kind of celebration and I was wondering where all these people came from ! No doubt it was a public holiday and a long weekend and the school holidays were about to end but I felt it could not explain how all these people all converged to this new hypermarked when they were doing their shoping elsewhere just the day before ! So now I was witnessing the power of Branding and the power of advertising. They had posters all over town , on the traffic light poles , on buses as well as sending the mail drops house to house. I was afraid I would not find the place but no fear., the posters all had arrows showing us exactly which roads to take !

Even though there was so many people , to my utter surprise there was still a lot of things on the shelves and we managed to get the fish the groceries the vegetables as well as some stuff that simply called out to me, Dr J and Aimi! Those little slippers for Nayya are a must and oh that wee swimming pool , she needs it...and I must get those paving stones for the garden ...
Paying for the stuff was quite another hassled but I guess Giant is one experienced Hypermarket since they had extra paying counters and staff and we managed to finish our shopping in a couple of hours which is just about the same time as when we went to Tesco about 2 kilometers away from the new Giant !

Aimi said, Ma, this hypermart is Home Grown , born in Malaysia ,we should shop here instead of at Tesco. I replied there are pros and there are cons. Did you notice how Tesco takes care of customers ? They have consideration for the handicapped and they have baby careers on their trolleys as well as special parking for families with babies .Giant on the otherhand have had some problems in the past with selling goods that are not up to safety standards. This is part of the evolution of companies, somehow in order to become caring and ethical , you have to pass through the stages of growing . It is a lot like how people grow, when we are struggling to make a living that takes up all of our time, when we stop struggling , we start to see there are things we can do better and then as we evolve we become more and more concerned about the greater good for self for family and for humanity, it is growing up. So perhaps we will help Giant in its growth by playing our role as members of the public and demand that it sets higher standards of ethics and show more caring for its customers and people!

That picture of Aimi and Dr J was at the kopitiam at the Batu Berendam Giant complex.

And if you want to read the rest of my article on communication via the net , go to my other blog

HERE

The topic is Gagal Memahami dan Menyampaikan

You just have to marvel at the faith!

Berhujah dengan Hikmah

Sejak akhir-akhir ini kita dapati ada banyak mesej board dan lama forum yang rancak berbincang berbagai topik. Kerap kali jadi penonton sebab tak tahu macam mana nak turut serta. Adakalanya kita turut serta dan dapati pendapat di hentam !
Sebagai Muslim mungkin ada baiknya kita pelajari cara yang baik untuk berkomunikasi dalam alam maya dan kita perlu bermula dengan pemikiran kritis serta otak yang peka dan sedar tentang kesilpan cara berfikir yang membuahkan andaian yang bawa kepada tindak tanduk yang tidak bernas .
Sebenarnya untuk memberi pendapat atau untuk mengemukakan pendapat kita sentiasa berisiko untuk menyentuh emosi pembaca, kerap kali sebab tak sedar apa yang boleh menimbulkan cara defensif dari orang yang beri respon . Ada beberapa cara yang akan menolong anda untuk mengelak situasi yang tegang dan salah satu cara adalah untuk mempunyai disiplin dan juga undang-undang berbincang yang baik dan dipersetujui oleh semua yang terlibat.

Paling mustahak bila kita ingin membalas penulisan seseorang adalah kita perlu terlebih dahulu memahami emosi dan pendirian penulis. Jika kita baca dengan perasaan negatif dan sudah bersedia untuk menyerang , kita tidak akan dapat faham apa yang di maksudkan .Bila kita sudah putuskan bahawa apa saja yang penulis tulis perlu kita serang, sudah tentu kita akan cepat memilih ungkapan yang pada pendapat kita adalah salah dan dengan cepat sekali kita akan tuding jari dan perlekehkan apa yang di perkatakan . Insya allah saya akan berikan contoh perkara ini kemudian.

Kedua kita perlu kenali orang yang menulis, ilmu dia, pendirian dia dan juga pengalaman hidupnya serta kemahiran yang ada padanya sebelum kita dengan cepat menghukum atau membuat andaian. Ada orang yang benci sesuatu sebab pengalaman silam yang pahit . Ada yang kita sangkakan budak beringus macam kita juga rupanya seorang yang berumur dan berpengalaman serta matang pemikiran. Jangan anggap orang begini sentiasa betul, dia pun manusua biasa, orang begini pun boleh silap tetapi pendekatan kita bila kita nak suarakan pendapat perlulah secara hormat. Lebih baik buat satu undang-undang untuk diri sendiri , tak kira siapa , kalau nak memberi pendapat yang berbeza lakukan dengan baik dan dengan rasional , bukan dengan tak lojik dan dengan membuat andaian dan mengunakan bahasa perlekehkan , perli , sinis dan sindir.

Ketiga , kalau kita tak yakin kita memahami apa yang dimaksudkan , bertanya , jangan buat andaian.

Keempat , jangan berikan pendapat seolah ia adalah fakta. Gunakan perkataan , pada pendapat saya.....
contohnya Jangan sebut " awak mengarut" tetapi katakan
"pada pendapt saya apa yang anda sebut itu tidak benar ",dan beritahu kenapa anda berpendapat begitu. Ikuti pendapat dengan keterangan yang bernas.

Kelima Elak menyerang tuan punya penulisan dan fokus pada penulisan .

Keenam Elak guna loghat yang mungkin sukar difaham oleh orang dan elak mengunakan singkatan yang menyusahkan pembaca.

Ketujuh: Jangan fokus kepada yang anda tidak setuju sahaja , sebaliknya maklumkan poin poin persetujuan

Kelapan : Berhujah untuk cari penyelesaian dan redha Allah dan untuk membawa kebaikkan dan bukan untuk saja nak sakat atau nak penuhi masa lapang

Kesembilan : Ikhlas dan jujur dalam berhujjah . Cakap benar dan jangan cakap sindir atau serong.

Kesepuluh : Kalau ada kuasa moderator, jangan gunakan untuk mematahkan hujah orang. Jangan terlalu cepat nak delete atau kunci sebab kemungkinan perbincangan ada manfaat dan pengajaran yang kita tidak ketahui . Memenangkan pendapat sendiri atau membenarkan hanya posting yang mencerminkan pendapat sendiri sahaja adalah tidak adil dan tidak hikmah.


Setakat ini dulu , kita sambung nanti dengan Bingkai Negatif dan juga contoh contoh yang akan saya ambil dari forum-forum online

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Klik di sini :Andaian yang bawa masaalah

36th Floor Le Meridien

I suppose you can recognise this famous building the National Museum?

This is the Lake Gardens, a very old landmark in Kuala Lumpur. I used to go there on weekend when I was a child.We used to have picnics there.You can just about see the Parliament building in the background

Here we are, about 400 Doctors attending the workshop.The Director General of Health officiated the meeting

I was made to attend a seminar to introduce the new rehab drug Suboxone. It is not new in a senses , since it is just a combination of Bupinorphine and Naloxone , to prevent abuse , since many Subutex patients dissolved their tablets and dose themselves IV! Anyway Le Meridien is a very good hotel . It is very easy to get to, you just walk out of KL Sentral station and go across the road and you have arrived at Le Meridien , just next door to KL Hilton. The hospitality at Le Meridien is superb! I was placed on the 36th Floor for which I will not complain for I got a very beautiful view of Kuala Lumpur and snapped some photos with my hp camera...

Nayya is 10 months

Here is my grand daughter who is 10 months and a half! She is very good natured , will smile a lot , loves her stuffed Bunny ..She wll smile and then hug it most lovingly and then fall over onto the Bunny..Just now she gave a kiss to her mummy..She can wave her hands to say bye and will shake her head vigorously if she does not want something...She is not yet walking on her own but will make you take her where she wants to go if you hold her hand ...and "walk" her...
I could go on and on about her...doting gradma that I am !

Memperlekehkan secara menyeluruh versus menghormati manusia

Memperlekehkan secara menyeluruh versus menghormati manusia (Invalidation versus respect )

“Semua lelaki tak guna!” Eja menengking selepas dia di tipu oleh seorang jejaka yang akhirnya telah menipunya dan mengambil semua duitnya serta mencabul kehormatannya. Betul atau tidak penyata yang di buat oleh Eja? Adakah benar semua lelaki itu tak guna? Adakah benar orang Melayu semua pemalas? Adakah benar semua orang putih tak bermoral? Adalah benar semua ahli politik rasuah?

Maka bila kita membuat suatu penyata yang memberi sebuah deskripsi yang menyeluruh terhadap semua anggota golongan yang disebut , itu dinamakan penyatai yang memperlekehkan seluruh kumpulan itu..

Melihat kembali kepada penyata yang dibuat oleh Eja, apa implikasi penyata ini untuk Eja? Apa pula untuk lelaki yang bermuamalah dengan Eja kelak? Bagaimana sikap Eja terhadap lelaki dan apa yang akan berlaku pada tingkah laku Eja dan seterusnya hubungan Eja dengan mana-mana lelaki?

Sebenarnya memperlekehkan secara menyeluruh mempunyai kesan yang besar kepada sikap yang akan di ambil oleh individu yang berpandangan demikian. Sikapnya adalah sikap prejudis dan prasangka terhadap golongan yang diperlekehkan. Sikap prejudis ini akan menghalang individu yang mengamalkanya dari membuat pertimbangan yang waras dan adil. Ia juga membawa pengamalnya kedalam suatu keadaan dengan menganggapkan dirinya dalam kelompok yang benar dan betul serta memandang serong orang lain dan kaum lain.

Sikap sebaliknya adalah menghormati manusia walau dari golongan mana sekalipun , bersangka baik dan menghormati orang lain dengan pendirian mereka masing-masing. Memang sukar bagi seorang untuk cuba memahami orang lain, apatah lagi jika ada perbezaan perspektif dan penglaman. Namun demikian seorang yang bersikap terbuka dan enggan meletakkan label kepada sesuatu golongan atau kumpulan akan dapati sikap terbukanya mendapat sambutan dari berbagai golongan. Mungkin orang demikian akan dapati dirinya menjadi orang tengah dalam perbalahan atau rundingan antara berbagai golongan.

Satu lagi aspek memperlekehkan secara menyeluruh adalah bila kita tidak dapat nampak sebarang kebaikkan dalam orang yang kita benci. Sebenarnya semua manusia ada baik dan ada buruk , ada salah dan ada betul. Seorang yang adil akan dapat lihat kebaikkan walaupun kebaikkan itu berada dalam orang yang dia benci dan akan dapat lihat keburukkan walaupun keburukkan itu berada dalam orang yang disayangi.Sikap adil ini dituntut dalam Islam. Banyak ayat-ayat Quran yang mengecam orang yang tidak berlaku adil. Antaranya seperti dibawah ini:

Dan barangsiapa berbuat demikian dengan melanggar hak dan aniaya, maka Kami kelak akan memasukkannya ke dalam neraka. Yang demikian itu adalah mudah bagi Allah. (QS. 4:30)

Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, jadilah kamu orang yang benar-benar penegak keadilan, menjadi saksi karena Allah biarpun terhadap dirimu sendiri atau ibu bapak dan kaum kerabatmu. Jika ia kaya ataupun miskin, maka Allah lebih tahu kemaslahatan. Maka janganlah kamu mengikuti hawa nafsu karena ingin menyimpang dari kebenaran. Dan jika kamu memutar balikkan (kata-kata) atau enggan menjadi saksi, maka sesungguhnya Allah adalah Maha Mengetahui segala apa yang kamu kerjakan. (QS. 4:135)

Hati-hatilah kita bila dapat berita atau khabar dari orang tentang orang yang sama ada kita sayang atau kita benci. Takut kita akan terlalu mudah percaya orang yang kita sayang dan terlalu mudah tidak percaya orang yang kita benci. Disebaliknya amalkanlah sikap menghormati manusia, kawan baikpun lawan dan dengan menghormati mereka, berlaku adillah terhadap meraka dengan menegur secara baik apa yang salah dan dengan menerima dengan baik apa yang betul

Dr Suriyakhatun Osman (AJK Wanita JIM Pusat)

certified professional coach

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Who did it to you?

So, you are angry...Who did it to you?

In the Coaching Power Tools class there are eight negative frames we may find ourselves in. One of the frames is Blame versus Responsibility. People in the blame mode will blame their circumstances on other people."I did it because she made me do it", or, "it is my parent's fault, I did not get enough attention when I was small ", etc and etc. Those in the blame frame of mind act as victims in that they cannot help themselves because the circumstances are not in their control. They spend time being annoyed and irritated by people and blaming others for whatever mood they are in.On the other hand, taking responsibility is taking the initiative to change.
About the moods and states we find ourselves in. The brain is very good at making up reasons why it is in any state of emotion.A person who is angry will find reasons for the anger and act on the reasons. Perhaps they will never have a clue that the anger is because of a liver problem or a bad curry meal that they had which makes them intolerent of the people around them. Perhaps an angry person would be able to deal better with the anger when they learn not to escalate their anger by focusing on being angry with people but instead work on their own anger and bring it down.
An experiment done on a person who had the connection between the two lobes of the brain cut (this was a treatment long ago for epilepsy) proves that the brain will find a reason even though it is not the real reason.
One side of the brain is connected to one eye and , what is seen only by one eye. the left eye which is connected to the right brain which is the subsconsious in a person who is right handed will not be consciously known to the person whose connection between the 2 sides have been cut ( corpus callosum)
This person's left eye was shown an image of a snow shovel . He was then shown 4 pictures depicting a house in the four seasons. He picked the picture of the house in winter. When asked why he picked out this picture, he said it reminded him of last winter and being housebound during a particularly cold weather. Of course we know the reason why he picked the picture is because he was shown an image of a snow shovel but , he did not consciously know and , his brain made up a reason. We do this all the time. So , next time you feel annoyed or irritated or intolerant, try to change your frame of blaming it on other people and find out what is wrong within yourself.

I think many crimes of passion where people picked up whatever is closest to them and just threw it at someone or stabbed someone with it are crimes of blame and misdirected anger.

There was a case in the newspapers a long time ago about a mother who beat her children to death with a broom. I frequently thought about the poor mother who did it to her children and think she did it out of uncontrolled anger, probably her anger had nothing to do with her children. I have a fear that someday someone may kill me out of anger and would have to live with this . You may think it is an insane fear but Ibn Arabi was beaten to death by someone who was angry with the truths he brought. So, it is not so far fetched.

Yesterday on the front page of the STAR was the sad picture of a woman who lost her husband to snatch thieves. When her husband prevented the thieves from snatching his wife's handbag by driving his motor faster, one of the thieves angrily kicked his wheels and the fall caused him to have a brain injury from which he died.

Anger is a violent emotion that either moves one to positive action when the anger is a right anger, or it eats one up on the inside when unexpressed or, it destroys relationships, property and even lives when wrongly expressed.

I think I understand now why a man who wrote to me chose to live alone and work alone. He knew it was the best for him and for others because he knew of his condition.He had a boderline personality disorder and became abusive to people around him .When he was angry he became abusive and intolerent of even the smallest imperfections in the people around him . I had told him I did not think it was right to isolate himself but I now think he is right when he replied that in order to have any kind of relationship with people, one has to be kind, to be tolerant and to put up with people's failings.He said he also has to learn to say sorry.Until he was able to do it, he told me, he would not let anybody suffer his company.

This guy who wrote to me had an illness with a label.The problem with having a condition which can be labelled by psychiatrists is that it makes one a victim. You can say, my brain is wired differently, the chemicals are not normal. This may very well be so. I know my whole family is prone to depression and I have had depression before when for days I could not face the world. I had also had my fair share of being angry with the world and with people around me. The whole family has a history of one neurosis or another. Does that make me a victim? Or , do I overcome it? Do I recognise the build up of depression or anger and know it is time to correct my diet or make sure I take a remedy or do my zikrs and seek out my spiritual teacher ...It is all about self awareness and knowing to create the gap between action and reaction.It is about taking charge of one's life and moving on and growing beyond the problem.Surely as the Prophet SAW promised, for every illness , there is a cure and the cure for this one is discipline , self awareness and a constant vigilance over SELF.